Life is Always a Rollercoaster
by x snow-pony x
Summary: Tam FanFic. Life has always been a rollercoaster for Tom and Sam, and it always will be. Sam is now pregnant, but with a wedding, a honeymoon, moving house, a new baby and everything else to manage, will she and Tom cope? Will they continue to cope with the rollercoaster of life, or will it slowly break them? Warning: Contains things from WISU, and so may be upsetting. ON HOLD
1. Just a Normal Day at Work

**A/N Hey guys! Yes, I know, **_**another**_** new FanFic in **_**another**_** new category, when I haven't actually finished any of my other FanFics (apart from my one-shot, but that doesn't really count as a story!). Anyway, on with the FanFic!**

Sam rolled over in bed, being careful not to lie on her stomach. She was now nineteen weeks pregnant, and was always being very cautious not to squash the baby that was growing inside her. Tom felt her moving and woke up.

"Morning Sam," he said sleepily.

"Morning," Sam replied. She sat up slightly and rubbed her eyes. "What time do we have to get up?"

"In about..." Tom was interrupted by his alarm going off. "Now!"

"Uh," groaned Sam, flopping back onto the pillow and closing her eyes.

"Get up, Sam," said Tom. When she didn't move he began to tickle her.

"Ah, get off Tom!" said Sam, trying to get away.

"Not until you get up," said Tom firmly, and continued to tickle her.

"Please, Tom, stop," said Sam, pulling her knees up to her chest to stop him from getting to her ticklish spots. Unfortunately she squashed the baby slightly, who kicked in protest.

"Tom, please," said Sam. "I'm squashing the baby."

"Oh, sorry," said Tom, and immediately stopped tickling her. "Seriously though, you need to get up."

"Fine," said Sam, and slowly began to get out of bed.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Sam and Tom had both showered, got dressed and had breakfast, and were on their way to the ED. They arrived quarter of an hour early, got changed into scrubs, and then were ready for their first patients.<p>

"Zoe, what have you got for me?" asked Sam.

"Um, in a few minutes we've got some people from an RTC coming in," Zoe told her.

Right on cue, ambulance sirens could be heard, and Sam, Tom, Zoe and other nurses and doctors rushed outside to help.

"What have we got?" Sam asked when she got to a stretcher, and she and Dixie started to wheel it in.

"Right, twenty two year old male, driver of the car," said Dixie as she began to wheel the stretcher towards resus. "Sustained injury to the head, leg and arm, and has been unconscious since the crash. He was KOed at the scene; BP is 150 over 60, GCS 6, stats 80%." By this time they were in resus. "OK, on three, one, two three," said Dixie, and the man was moved over to the bed.

"Right, could we have a litre of saline," said Sam taking charge. Just then the man woke up. "Oh, hello, my name's Doctor Nicholls but you can call me Sam. What's your name?"

"Darren Smith," said Darren.

"OK, Darren, are you in any pain?" asked Sam.

"My head," Darren replied. "And my arm and leg."

"OK," said Sam. "On a scale of one to ten how bad would you say the pain is?

"About eight," said Darren.

"OK, let's give him ten of morphine," said Sam, and one of the nurses got onto it.

* * *

><p>After Sam had finished treating Darren, his wife (Hannah) and his daughter (Lisa) also came in, but with relatively minor injuries. Sam was on a break in the staffroom (after she had treated them all) and Tom came to join her.<p>

"You OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Sam. "I'm tired, but I'm OK."

"Here," he said, passing her a cup of coffee. "Drink this: it'll make you feel better."

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him.

Tom sat down on a stool next to her. "How's the baby?" he asked.

"It's been kicking all morning!" said Sam, smiling.

Tom smiled, and felt her stomach. Sure enough, the baby was kicking furiously!

"Hopefully it'll wear itself out soon!" said Sam.

"I think it's just going to wear you out!" said Tom.

"I'll be fine," said Sam, smiling brightly. She then looked at her watch. "Sorry Tom, I've got to start my shift again."

"OK," said Tom. "See you later."

"Bye," said Sam, and left to start work again.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day went pretty smoothly (as nothing really major happened), and very soon (well, as it seemed to them anyway) Tom and Sam were standing in the locker room, getting their things before they went home.<p>

"Has it stopped kicking yet?" Tom asked, gesturing to Sam's stomach.

"Not quite!" said Sam tiredly.

"Well, let's get you two home and then you can have a nice rest on the sofa!" said Tom.

"Sounds like a good idea!" said Sam, and she and Tom walked out of the ED together.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please read and review! :-D**


	2. Exhausted

**A/N Because so many people reviewed (8 in total!), I'm going to go against my normal writing schedule and update again today! So, here's the next chapter!**

**Thanks to l.s.731(it won't let me put your full username), waterlooroadfan2012, MrsCuckoo, justemilyhere, mimiam, lilangel1, sarah4steve and b.l (it doesn't like yours either!) for reviewing! I was amazed at how many there were, and every new one made me smile even more! :-D**

**Btw, this chapter (like most of the chapters) is basically just going to be Tam romance, but it's cute and I like it, so it's staying!**

When they got home, Sam curled up on the sofa whilst Tom made dinner.

"What do you want?" Tom called from the kitchen.

"I don't really mind," she called back tiredly.

Tom sensed the tiredness in her voice, and came back into the living room. "Are you OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied. She yawned. "I'm just tired."

"Do you want anything to eat?" he asked.

"Not really," she said, lying down on the sofa.

Tom came and joined her. "Has the baby stopped kicking yet?" he asked.

"No," said Sam. "If anything, it's just kicking more!"

Tom put his hand on Sam's stomach. The baby was kicking like there was no tomorrow!

"It's going to be very lively when it's born!" he joked.

"I hope not," said Sam, yawning again. "I can't even mange it now, let alone when it's running around the house!"

Tom laughed. "Yes, but when it's running around the house I'll be able to help you!" he said.

"True," said Sam. She yawned again, and then sank her head into the cushion on the sofa, clearly exhausted.

Tom sensed this, and decided that she needed to sleep. "Come on you, up to bed," he said.

"No," said Sam. "I want to stay with you."

"Well, I'll come to bed as well then," he said. He picked her up off the sofa, carried her up the stairs, and laid her gently on the bed.

"Do you want to get changed?" he asked her. "Or are you OK as you are?"

"I would get changed, but I'm too tired," said Sam, her body sinking down into the mattress.

"OK," said Tom. He put on a t-shirt and shorts and then climbed into bed next to Sam, pulling the duvet over them. Sam rested her head on Tom's chest and sighed. She was nearly asleep when she felt the baby stop kicking, leaving her stomach unmoving for the first time in hours. She smiled as she drifted off to sleep…

**A/N Sorry it's a short chapter, but I thought that would be a good place to stop it, and the next one's going to be longer, I promise! Please R&R! :-D**


	3. Sam's Day Off

**A/N So, chapter three! I'm updating this so often because of all the lovely reviews I'm getting! Hope you like it!**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, lilangel1, MrsCuckoo, waterlooraodfan2012, b.l (it doesn't like your username again!), s.b7285 (or yours!), mimiam and Minxheart for reviewing! There were so many in such a short time and it made me happy! :-D**

**Also, to those of you wanting the baby to come on the wedding day, I'm not going to do that because I already have other plans, but thanks for the idea anyway. :-)**

**Last thing, I don't know if what I'm writing can really happen, but I like it so for the sake of this FanFic everything I write is true! :-)**

When Tom woke up Sam was still fast asleep. He smiled at her: she looked so peaceful. He then turned his head to look at his alarm clock. It was 7:00. Only an hour until their shift started.

"Sam, we have to get up," said Tom, shaking her slightly. When she didn't wake up he shook her harder. "Come on, Sam, get up."

Sam groaned and rubbed her eyes. She was about to get up when a sudden wave of nausea hit her. She jumped out of bed and into the bathroom, and then bent over the toilet, throwing up. Tom followed her, pulled her hair out of her face and rubbed her back.

"I'm going to phone Zoe and tell her you won't be in today," he said.

"No, I'm fine," said Sam, sitting up. She was about to stand up when another wave of nausea hit her and she was sick again.

"No, you're staying at home," said Tom firmly. "We can't have you throwing up in the ED!"

"Fine," said Sam. She sat up and pulled her hair behind her shoulders. She got up, walked over to the bed and sat down on it. She was about to lie down (as she was still really tired) when the baby started kicking again. She flopped down on the bed and curled up into a ball, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tom saw her and immediately ran to her side.

"Sam, what's wrong?" he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"The baby..." said Sam, but couldn't say anymore as the baby kicked hard, and she began to shake as the sobs overtook her.

Tom pulled her into a hug and held her close. "Does it hurt?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "It was OK, even nice at first," she said. "But now it's kicking so much, and every kick just hurts more and more."

Tom hugged her even tighter. "I'll phone Zoe and say that neither of us are coming in," he said.

Sam pulled herself out of the hug. "No no, you go to work," she said.

"No, Sam, I'm staying here," he said firmly. He got his phone from his bedside table, dialled Zoe's number and pressed ring.

"Hi Tom," said Zoe.

"Hi," said Tom. "Um, is it OK if me and Sam have the day off today?"

"Um, it's a bit short notice," said Zoe, frowning. "Why do you want the day off?"

"Wait a second," said Tom. He took the phone away from his ear. "Um Sam, is it OK if I tell Zoe what's happened?"

Sam nodded, and then winced in pain as the baby kicked again. Tom put the phone back to his ear and began to rub Sam's stomach.

"Well, Sam's baby is kicking really hard, and it's hurting her," said Tom.

"Oh, right," said Zoe. "Well, I hope Sam feels better soon."

"Thanks Zoe," said Tom, and ended the call. He then turned to Sam. "Zoe says it's fine, and we've both got the day off."

"Thanks," said Sam, smiling at him. She snuggled closer to him, but then a wave of nausea hit her and she had to run to the bathroom. Tom followed her, and pulled her hair back and rubbed her back as she threw up.

"Thanks," said Sam when she'd finished. She got up and went back to the bedroom. She then changed into a nightdress and got into bed. Tom got in beside her and cuddled her close.

* * *

><p>A little while later Sam woke up. She reached out for Tom and her hands met air. She opened her eyes, and saw that Tom wasn't there.<p>

"Tom?" she called. There was no answer. "Tom!"

Sam sat up, so that she could call louder. "TOM!" she shouted. There was still no answer.

She lay back on the pillow, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tom had left her alone, and just when she needed him most. She curled up into a tight ball, and sobbed uncontrollably. She was squashing the baby, which made it kick more, but with every new kick she just curled up tighter and tighter...

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Tom was out shopping. As Sam was asleep, he thought that he would take the opportunity to go to the shops, as then she wouldn't miss him. Unfortunately, his thoughts couldn't be further from the truth...<p>

* * *

><p>Back at the flat, Sam was still curling up ever smaller. When she was curled up as much as she physically could her breathing began to increase, as she was frustrated that she couldn't stop the baby. She then tried to slow down her breathing, but she couldn't. If anything, it was getting faster...<p>

* * *

><p>Tom finished shopping, paid, and then got into the car. He couldn't wait to get home and see Sam again. Little did he know how she was feeling...<p>

* * *

><p>When Tom got home, he quietly unpacked the shopping and crept into the bedroom, assuming that Sam was still asleep. When he got to the bedroom he was shocked. Sam was curled up in a ball under the duvet. When he pulled the duvet back he saw that she was breathing rapidly. He crouched down and put his arms around her.<p>

"Shh, Sam, it's OK, I've got you," he said. "Just breathe for me."

"I... can't..." said Sam, still breathing rapidly.

"Yes you can," said Tom, firmly yet kindly. "Just take some deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out."

A few minutes later Sam's breathing began to slow. Tears then began to stream down her cheeks, and Tom hugged her close. After a minute or so she pulled herself out of the hug and wiped the last tears from her eyes.

"You OK?" Tom asked her.

"Yeah," she replied. She smiled at him. "Thanks Tom."

"It's OK," said Tom, smiling back at her. "I shouldn't have left you on your own, especially whilst you were asleep."

"You can't just not go anywhere!" said Sam. "But could you tell me next time?"

"Of course I will," said Tom. His face then turned serious and he put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Do you know what caused the panic attack?"

"The baby started kicking again," Sam explained. "I woke up, saw that you'd gone, and then got scared. Then the baby started kicking again, and so I curled up small, but that just made it worse, and I didn't know what else to do, so I started to panic, and then..."

"OK, OK, it's alright," Tom reassured her, putting his arms around her and hugging her close. Tears began to run down Sam's cheeks again, and Tom whispered reassuring things into her ear. After about ten minutes he realised that she had stopped crying and lay limply in his arms: she had fallen asleep.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later Tom was still there, watching Sam as she slept. Suddenly Sam began to fidget in her sleep, and then she started shouting "No, no, no, please don't shoot me, no, please don't, no...!"<p>

"Sam, wake up!" said Tom, shaking her awake. Sam sat up, breathing heavily (like she'd been running). Then she saw Tom and sank back into the pillow, her chest still heaving. Tom got onto the bed next to her and she rested her head on his lap.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked softly. Sam nodded, her breathing now slowing slightly.

"What happened?" he asked.

Sam said nothing.

"Come on, Sam," Tom pleaded. "If you don't tell me I can't help you."

"It's fine, it was nothing," said Sam, lifting her head off Tom's lap. "I don't need any help."

Tom sighed. Why did she always push people away?

Sam got off the bed, but as she stood up dizziness came over her, and she began to fall to the floor. Tom ran to her side and caught her.

"I'm alright Tom," she said, standing back up.

Tom went to help her back up, but she pushed him away.

"Sam, I only want to help!" said Tom frustratedly. "Has the baby stopped kicking yet?"

He went over to Sam and touched her stomach. For Sam this was the last straw.

"Leave me alone Tom!" Sam shouted. She tried to go out of the door, but Tom blocked her way.

"Let me out Tom!" she shouted. Tom continued to stand in the doorway, so instead Sam curled up on the bed, her whole body shaking as sobs overtook her.

Tom wanted to run to her and hug her, but he knew that that would just make things worse. Instead he just stood by the door and hoped that Sam would calm down soon.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Sam was still crying.<p>

_Five more minutes,_ thought Tom. _If she's still crying in five minutes time then I'll go over there._

Five minutes later Sam still hadn't got any better.

Tom walked quietly over to the bed and then very gently pulled at the duvet.

"Go... away... Tom..." Sam said in between her sobs.

"Why?" he asked.

"Be-be-because you wo-wo-won't care," Sam stuttered.

Tom stood there, shocked. "Why wouldn't I care?" he asked.

"Be-be-because Dy-Dy-Dylan never did," Sam said, more tears coming to her eyes.

"Oh Sam," he said. "I _do_ care, I'll _always_ care."

"Even about my nightmares?" she asked, a look of worry in her eyes.

"_Especially_ about your nightmares," he said. He then opened his arms wide. "Come here."

Tom put his arms around her and hugged her close, while she buried her head into his chest.

"What was the nightmare about?" he asked gently, trying not to frighten her.

"Af-Af-Afghanistan," she said quietly.

"What happened?" he asked, rubbing her back slightly.

Sam's stomach jumped for a second, from the surprise of someone actually caring about her nightmares. "Well, I was in Afghanistan, fighting, and then someone spotted me," she began. "I tried to hide but they started to run towards me, so I got up and ran too. Then they began to shoot me. They didn't actually get me, until I ran into a dead end. Then I turned around, and they began to shoot me in the stomach. I pleaded them to stop but they wouldn't, and I couldn't do anything. Then the ground began to shake and I woke up."

"Have you had nightmares like this before?" asked Tom.

Sam nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom asked.

"Because every time I told Dylan he didn't do anything about it," Sam said, new tears coming to her eyes. "He just used to tell me to think about something else, but I couldn't. In the end they got so bad that he actually began to sleep in another room and just left me when I had a nightmare. He stopped waking me up, and I couldn't stop them."

"That's horrible!" Tom exclaimed. "I'll always wake you up, no matter what."

Sam smiled. "Thanks Tom," she said. She yawned. "I think I'll try going back to sleep."

"OK," said Tom. "I'll stay here, and if you have another nightmare I'll wake you up."

"Thanks," said Sam, and settled down to sleep in Tom's arms.

**A/N Thanks for reading! Please R&R! :-D**

**Also, if anyone has ideas about anything they want to happen in the story (mainly small events) then tell me, and I'll put them in! :-D**


	4. How to Show You Care

**A/N So, another chapter for all you lovely people who are reading this FanFic! I hope you're enjoying it! :-D**

**Thanks to waterlooroadfan2012, sarah4steve, lilangel1, Minxheart, s.b7285 (it doesn't like your username again!) and Guest for reviewing! The number again was astounding and made me smile! :-D**

**Guest: Thanks for your idea, I really like it! If you put your name in the review next time I can thank you properly. :-)**

**Also, this chapter is mainly just Tam romance, but I like it so that's what it's going to be! ****:-D**

A few hours later Tom was woken up by Sam fidgeting in her sleep again. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her, wondering whether she was just trying to get comfortable or whether she was having another nightmare. When she began to fidget more he put his hand on her shoulder and shook her awake. She began to look around nervously but relaxed when she saw Tom. He opened his arms out and Sam accepted gratefully. She buried her head into his chest so that he wouldn't hear her sobs, but he did.

"Hey, it's alright," he said, rubbing her back. Sam began to curl up instinctively, but Tom gently placed his hand on her knee.

"Don't curl up," he said softly. "You don't need to."

"I do," said Sam. She tried to curl up again but Tom stopped her.

"You don't," he said.

"Please Tom," she pleaded. Tom took his hand off her knee and she automatically curled up into the smallest ball she could.

"Why do you want to curl up?" he asked gently, still hugging her tightly.

"Because it makes me feel safe," she replied.

"Don't I make you feel safe?" Tom asked, hurt.

"Yes, yes, of course you do," said Sam, surprised that he thought that. "It's just, I've been doing it for so long, I've just got used to it, it's just instinct. My brain's just being stupid." Sam tried to uncurl herself but it wouldn't work, as inside she was still scared. Tom sensed what she was trying to do and placed his hand back on her knee.

"No, you don't have to," he said. "If it makes you feel safe, then stay like that. I don't mind. I just want you to be happy."

Sam didn't answer, but instead snuggled her head into Tom's chest to show she was grateful that he understood. He put his hand on her head and stroked her hair.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Tom asked.

Sam nodded her head slightly.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Afghanistan again," said Sam. She moved her head from resting on Tom's chest to the pillow so he'd be able to hear what she was saying. I don't know why, I know it's stupid, I mean it was years ago, but I keep thinking about it..."

"Sam, it's not stupid," said Tom hugging her close. "You were in the army for ages, you'll never forget it."

"Yeah, but I still should have stopped having nightmares by now," said Sam getting frustrated with herself.

"You probably _would_ have stopped having nightmares by now if Dylan had have cared about you," said Tom. "It's not your fault, so stop blaming yourself."

"I'm just fed up of them," said Sam.

"What happened in the one you just had?" Tom asked.

"We were fighting, and then there was a huge explosion behind us," Sam began. "I ran to where I'd heard the noise, and all that was left was a pile of rubble. I searched through the pile of rubble for survivors, and all I found was a dead man. But when I looked at him closely I recognised him. He was John Baker, a soldier who had acted like a father to me when I was in the army. And now he was lying there, dead..." Sam stopped as the tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"Oh Sam," said Tom, and let Sam bury her head in his chest. "It's OK, you're alright."

Sam just lay there sobbing for a minute before she spoke. "But that's the point," said Sam. "Why did I get to live and he had to die?"

"I don't know," Tom replied truthfully (he couldn't even pretend to make something up). "Life's just like that sometimes."

"Yeah," said Sam. "In the army we always used to tell each other that life is always a rollercoaster, and that bad things happen, but that there are also good things in life. That helped us deal with a lot of things."

"How?" asked Tom, confused.

"Well, if something bad happened, we'd always think of something good that had happened," explained Sam. "For example, today I had a nightmare, which was the bad thing, but now I've got you, which is a good thing, and it makes the bad thing less bad."

"That actually works," said Tom astonished.

"The army come up with some pretty good ideas," said Sam. She then lay there for a while, just thinking about things.

**A/N Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I needed the next chapter to have a different title, so the rest of 'this' chapter will actually be in the next chapter (hope that makes sense!). Please R&R! :-D**


	5. And How Not to

**A/N So, here's the rest of the chapter. Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to Minxheart, waterlooroadfan2012 and sarah4steve for reviewing! There were three in the space of only an hour which made me very happy! :-D**

Tom then looked at the clock. It was 3:30.

"Sam, do you want anything to eat?" he asked. Sam just shook her head.

"Come on, you'll faint if you don't eat anything," said Tom.

"I'm not hungry and I feel sick," said Sam.

"Well, if you eat something you'll feel better," said Tom. Sam still didn't move. "Please Sam," he begged.

"I'm tired," said Sam.

"But you've been asleep nearly all day!" said Tom.

"I don't think nightmares count as sleeping," said Sam.

"True," said Tom. "OK, you can have another sleep _when_ you've eaten something."

"But I don't want anything," said Sam.

"Tough, because I'm making you something," said Tom. He went to the kitchen and came back ten minutes later with a ham sandwich. "Here you go, eat this."

"Tom, I said no," said Sam. Even so she took a bite of the sandwich, and then ran to the bathroom and threw up. Tom followed her and held her hair behind her back.

"You meant it then!" said Tom. As Sam was being sick the baby started to kick again (as it did every time Sam threw up) and Sam began to punch her stomach as she was sick again.

Tom spotted her hand and held onto it. "Hey hey, don't punch the baby," he said gently.

"It's kicking again and I can't stop it!" Sam shouted frustratedly. She wiped her mouth with some toilet paper and then slumped into Tom's arms, tired and fed up. Tom hugged her close as the tears began to fall.

"This isn't like you," said Tom. "Usually you'd be the strong one, telling _me_ to stop crying, not the other way round."

Sam said nothing as she began to curl up again.

"Sam, no, you'll squash the baby," said Tom, trying to stop her from curling into a ball.

"I don't care!" she said, trying to fight Tom.

"But if you curl up it will just kick even more," said Tom. Sam wasn't listening and was still trying to fight him.

"Tom, get off me!" she shouted.

"Not until you stop curling up," he said.

"Get off me!" she shouted.

"Stop curling up and I will," said Tom.

"GET OFF ME!" Sam shouted.

"I _will_, once you stop curling up," said Tom.

At this point Sam had had enough. She kicked out at Tom, who immediately moved out of the way in order to avoid being kicked in the face. As soon as he had moved she curled up as small as she could on the bathroom floor.

"Sam, no, don't do that!" said Tom. He rushed back towards her and tried desperately to uncurl her.

"No, Tom, get off me, leave me alone," Sam shouted and she tensed her body up so that Tom couldn't uncurl her.

"Just uncurl yourself Sam, please," Tom begged.

"No, just leave me alone," said Sam.

Tom then tried to pick her up (because he thought she would be more comfortable on the bed and then he'd be able to talk to her properly) and Sam started to scream. It wasn't just a little scream; it was a loud, piercing alarm-call scream (like a car alarm). Tom stood back, stunned, as he'd never seen Sam like this before. Then, as she continued to scream, her screams became quieter and her breathing more rapid.

_Oh God, what have I done? _thought Tom, as bent down next to her.

"Sam, Sam, listen to me," said Tom.

"Go... away... Tom..." Sam said between rapid breaths.

"OK," said Tom. He stood up and took a few steps back. "Sam, just try and take some deep breaths. If you want me to go away I will, but I want you to take some deep breaths, even if you do it just so it's easier for you. Please Sam."

Sam's breathing stayed as rapid as it had before, and a series of thoughts began to rush through her head.

_I can't do this anymore. The baby, the nightmares, I need them all to go away. I can't even control my emotions anymore, and I've always been able to do that. Everything that happens is eating away at me inside, and I can't cope on my own. But I can't ask for help either, because that will show that I'm weak. I have to stay strong. But I can't stay strong, not by myself. But if I don't stay strong by myself then I'm just weak. And I can't be weak. I can't show anyone that I'm upset. But I've shown that to Tom already. What does he think? Does he think that I'm stupid, weak and worthless? Maybe he doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore. I'd understand that, I'd understand it completely, because no one wants to marry someone weak. But if he goes, then it'll just make me even weaker. I need to go. I need to get out. I'll pack some things, and then go for a run, to clear my head a bit. I'll find somewhere else to stay the night as well, as I can't face Tom at the moment. I need to know what he's thinking, but I'm too scared to ask. That shows I am weak, if I'm scared of Tom. I need to get out, now. I need to get out of here fast._

Still breathing rapidly, Sam stood up and walked into the bedroom. When Tom saw her he rushed to her side, but she pushed him away. She went to the wardrobe and got changed into some black leggings, a lilac T-shirt and a dark purple hoodie and tied her hair into a ponytail. She got out a rucksack and began to pack some clothes into it. Tom looked at her puzzled but didn't say anything as he didn't want to upset her even more than he already had done. She then left the bedroom and went into the kitchen, where she packed herself some food. She then grabbed her phone off the side with her headphones, and put them into her rucksack in case she wanted them later (either to listen to music whilst she ran or to call Tom). She then put on her trainers, put her rucksack on her back and then ran out of the front door.

"Shit," said Tom as he watched her go. "What have I done?"

**A/N Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger, but I thought that that was a good place to leave it. Please read and review! :-D**

**Also, on Casualty scenes in recent episodes (especially the one on yesterday) when they're in resus, has anyone heard a really high-pitched beeping noise? If anyone has can they tell me, because I heard it on my TV but not my tablet or laptop, so I want to know if it's just my TV or if it's actually there (because it's driving me insane and I'm going to ask the BBC to get rid of it if it's the actual programme and not just the TV). Sorry about the long A/N, I'll be impressed if you read the whole thing! :-)**


	6. Running Away

**A/N Hello again! Because of all the lovely reviews I've been getting (and because I just love writing this FanFic) I'm updating again today! Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, waterlooroadfan2012, bethbebs, justemilyhere, Minxheart, Rose Ronks Tam O'Donoghue and JannyTamHemma for reviewing! There were so many and it made me so happy! :-D**

**Also, because I love Sam so much, I'm going to write a bit from her POV so that I can really get inside her head! :-D**

Sam POV

As I started running my breathing began to return to normal and my head began to clear. That's why I loved running: you could always think. As I ran along the pavement I thought about what might be going through Tom's head, and also about what he thought might be going through mine. I was still wishing that I'd asked him, but it was too late for that now. I'd run out of the house, and now I just had to keep on running...

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

Tom sat in the kitchen, his head in his hands. He couldn't understand why Sam had been so upset, why she had run out of the house without even telling him. He knew that she was having a hard day, what with the baby and the nightmares, but the Sam he knew would never react like this. The Sam he knew would have calmed herself down, shaken herself out of her troubles and carried on like nothing was wrong. Sam was changing, and he didn't know how to help her anymore...

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

I kept on running until I reached the bridge, where I stopped for a few minutes, my arms resting against the metal rail. I looked out over the river, and then suddenly realised that I had nowhere to stay that night. I could go to Fletch's, but he had his wife and kids, and wouldn't want me getting in the way, especially considering how I was now. I also didn't know if I could stay in a house with another man after what Tom had done. I needed a woman, a woman who would understand. Suddenly something in my brain clicked, and I looked up in realisation.

"Zoe," I whispered.

I knew the way to her house, and it was about a ten minute run from here. I pushed myself away from the rail, turned around, and carried on running...

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

A while later Tom was still sat in the kitchen, wondering what he should do about Sam. He wanted to follow her, but he knew that she wouldn't like him doing that. And anyway, it was too late now, she'd be far gone. He considered ringing the ED to see if she'd gone there, but he didn't know what he'd do if she had. The best thing he could do was just wait, and hope that she would come back soon...

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

When I got to Zoe's house I rang the doorbell. No one answered. I rang again and then looked at my watch. It was 3:30.

"Idiot," I muttered under my breath. Zoe would still be at the ED for hours yet, so my best chance of finding her would be to go there. I turned around, walked down the steps, and the carried on running, this time towards the ED...

* * *

><p>When I got there I walked into reception, and asked Noel where Zoe was.<p>

"She's in her office," he replied before going back to his pile of paperwork.

"Thanks," I said before heading in the direction of Zoe's office.

* * *

><p>When I got there I knocked on the door, and Zoe called me to come in. I opened the door, and noted the shock-filled expression on Zoe's face before I shut the door behind me.<p>

"Take a seat," said Zoe, and I sat down quickly.

"Sam, I thought you had the day off," Zoe said.

"I do," I said.

"Then why are you here?" asked Zoe. "Why aren't you at home, with Tom?"

I swallowed and took a deep breath. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

"I-I, um, I..." I said, before looking down at the floor, not knowing what to say.

Zoe came and sat on the seat beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. "Sam, what happened?"

"I had an argument with Tom," I whispered.

"What about?" Zoe asked gently.

It took all of my will power not to lie on the floor and curl into a ball like I had at home.

"Nightmares, the baby, me curling up and him trying to stop me, him trying to pick me up," I said, reeling off a list of everything that had happened that day.

"Did you want to leave the house for a bit then?" she asked.

I nodded. "Um, Zoe, I was wondering if..." I began, but Zoe interrupted me.

"Sam, of course you can," she said.

"Of course I can what?" I asked, not knowing if Zoe had caught on to what I was saying.

"Stay at mine for the night," said Zoe. "Well, I guess that's what you were asking anyway."

I nodded again, tears running down my face. "Thank you," I whispered.

Zoe hugged me tight as we sat there, her gently rocking me back and forth.

**A/N Sorry it's a bit short, but the next chapter will be in Zoe's house and will be longer I promise! Please R&R! :-D**


	7. Zoe's House

**A/N Because of all of the lovely reviews I keep receiving (and because I can't sleep!) I'm updating at 2:52 in the morning! (I'll be a zombie at school probably for the rest of the week, but I think it's worth it to update this FanFic!) Hope you enjoy the chapter! :-D**

**Thanks to lilangel1, waterlooroadfan2012, sarah4steve and Minxheart for reviewing! They were really nice reviews that made me smile! :-D**

Normal POV

When they got to Zoe's house after she'd finished her shift, Zoe told Sam to sit on the sofa, and then sat down next to her.

"Why are you here, Sam?" Zoe asked.

"Because you told me I could," Sam said, confused. "If you don't want me here then I'll leave..."

"No, Sam, that's not what I meant," Zoe said quickly before Sam stood up. "What I meant was what happened with Tom that made you want to run away?"

Sam sighed. "Do you want the whole story?" she asked.

Zoe nodded. "Yep, from the beginning," she replied.

Sam took a deep breath, and then began to tell Zoe what had happened.

* * *

><p>"And then I ran out of the front door," Sam finished about ten minutes later.<p>

Zoe just sat there, shocked. How could one person go through so much in one day?

"Zoe?" said Sam, looking nervously at Zoe's shocked expression.

"Yeah, sorry," said Zoe, snapping out of her daze. She then looked at Sam in concern. "Are you alright?"

"I wouldn't be here if I was," said Sam defeatedly.

Zoe opened her arms wide, and Sam gratefully accepted, tears running down her cheeks, something which had happened so often that day that she'd lost count.

"Shh, it's OK, you're alright," said Zoe, hugging Sam tightly. She then noticed how tired Sam looked. "Sam, do you want to go to bed?"

"OK," said Sam, yawning as she did so.

"I'll show you to the spare bedroom then," said Zoe, leading her way up the stairs.

* * *

><p>When Zoe had shown Sam to the spare bedroom she got out some pyjamas from her rucksack, quickly got changed and fell asleep. Unfortunately, unbeknown to her, she wasn't going to be asleep that long...<p>

* * *

><p>Zoe was watching TV when she heard a scream from upstairs. At first she thought she was hearing things, but then as she heard more, louder screams, she ran upstairs to the spare bedroom where she found Sam thrashing about on the bed.<p>

"Sam, wake up, it's only a dream," said Zoe, shaking Sam's shoulder.

Sam woke up, looked around the room for a few seconds (trying to work out where she was) and then spotted Zoe. Zoe noticed that when Sam saw her Sam's whole body collapsed into the bed, the relief visibly flowing through her.

"What happened?" asked Zoe, beginning to rub the shoulder that she had just been shaking to wake Sam up.

"I was in Afghanistan, and whilst we were fighting this man came up to me and grabbed me, pushing me against a wall," Sam began. "He wouldn't get off, no matter how much I struggled. He even got other people to hold me and even hold guns up to me, and they just wouldn't get off. I was scared." At the end of her speech Sam had tears rolling down her cheeks, and she almost whispered the last sentence, showing how upset she really was.

"Come here," Zoe said kindly, and hugged Sam for the third time that day. As Zoe was hugging her she felt her curl up into a ball, and the more she curled up, the more Zoe comforted her (to try and show her that she didn't need to curl up in order to feel safe). A few minutes later Zoe felt Sam go limp in her arms and looked at her: she'd fallen asleep. Zoe then quietly put the duvet back over her and then left the room, leaving the door partially open so she'd be able to hear if Sam started screaming again.

**A/N I know I said this chapter would be longer, but it's now 3:31, so I'll do a longer chapter tonight. Please R&R! :-D**


	8. Making Up

**A/N OK, so, I have the day off school today (as it's a non-pupil day), so I'm updating again! (YAY!) Hope you enjoy the chapter! :-D**

**Thanks to lilengel1, sarah4steve, Minxheart, waterlooroadfan2012, ct2191 and Sam2014Nicholls for reviewing! They made me really happy! :-D**

A few hours later Zoe was woken by the sound of screaming. She'd gone to bed a little bit early as she'd had quite a few late nights recently, and had only just fallen asleep. She sat up, annoyed, wondering who was making the noise. Suddenly she clicked.

_Sam,_ she thought.

She got off the bed and ran into the next bedroom, where Sam was fidgeting on the bed, and looked like she was fighting someone. Zoe shook her awake, trying to avoid Sam's flying fists.

"Sam, wake up, it's OK," said Zoe.

Sam's eyes snapped open and saw Zoe. She immediately put her fists down and curled up.

"Are you alright?" Zoe asked.

Sam nodded and curled up tighter, burrowing under the duvet as she did so.

"Come on Sam, I know you're lying," said Zoe, bending down next to the bed.

Sam said nothing.

"Why won't you let me help you?" asked Zoe.

"Because I'm alright," said Sam. "Just go back to bed, you're obviously tired."

"So are you!" said Zoe. "Even when you're trying to get to sleep you can't because of the nightmares. Just let me help you!"

"I'm fine Zoe," said Sam.

"Seriously Sam, you're not," said Zoe. "Why won't you just let me help?"

"Be-be-because then I'll get used to it, and th-th-then when you don't want to he-he-help anymore I'll have to get used to coping on my own again l-l-like I did when Dy-Dy-Dylan stopped waking me up," stuttered Sam.

"Oh Sam," said Zoe. She opened her arms and eventually Sam accepted the much-needed hug. "I won't not wake you up, and I'm sure Tom won't either."

"He already has," said Sam.

"That's because you ran away, Sam!" said Zoe.

"Yes, but if he hadn't have stopped me curling up then I wouldn't have had to," Sam argued.

"He was only trying to protect you and the baby," said Zoe. "I'm guessing that when you curled up you squashed it and so it kicked even more. If he knew that was going to happen then of course he would have stopped you, because he doesn't want the baby hurting you."

"True," said Sam.

"I think you should go back and see him," said Zoe. "He'll be really worried about you."

"No!" said Sam quickly.

"OK, well, what about if he came here?" said Zoe. "Then I can tell him to go if he's horrible to you."

"OK," said Sam slowly.

"OK, I'll just go and get my phone," said Zoe. She left the room and came back a few seconds later with her phone. She knelt back down next to the bed, dialled Tom's number and then held the phone to her ear.

"Zoe?" Tom said when he picked up the phone. "What do you want?"

"Um, well Sam's here, and..." Zoe began.

"Sam!" said Tom. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, she's OK," said Zoe. "She was wondering if you could come over to mine so she could talk to you."

"OK," said Tom. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

"OK," said Zoe.

"I love you, Tom," Sam said.

"Sam?" Tom asked. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it was," said Zoe.

"What did she say?" asked Tom.

Zoe passed the phone to Sam. "I love you, Tom," she said.

"I love you too, Sam," said Tom. "I'll see you in a few minutes, and then we can talk properly. OK?"

"OK," said Sam, and handed the phone back to Zoe.

"I'll see you in a few minutes then, Tom," said Zoe. "Bye."

"Bye, Zoe," said Tom, and he put the phone down. He then got his car keys, got into the car and drove to Zoe's.

* * *

><p>When he got there Zoe (who had got changed out of her night clothes) answered the front door, and led him upstairs to where Sam was still in bed. Well, she was supposed to be anyway. When they entered the bedroom the bed was empty.<p>

"Where's she gone?" asked Tom, panicking slightly.

As if to answer them they heard the sound of someone being sick coming from the bathroom. Tom ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked.

"Sam, it's me," said Tom. "Can you open the door?"

After a minute or so Sam unlocked the door and came out of the bathroom. She was about to hug Tom when she ran away, her hand over her mouth. He followed her and held her hair out of her face and rubbed her back as she threw up again. When she had finished she wiped her mouth and then turned around, burying her head in Tom's chest. Tom put his arms around her but then she pulled away suddenly and was sick again. Suddenly, without warning, the baby began to kick her stomach again furiously.

"AHHH!" screamed Sam.

"Whoa, shh, it's OK Sam," Tom said, trying to sooth her. He waited until she had stopped throwing up and then pulled her into a tight hug whilst tears ran down her cheeks.

"Did the baby start kicking again?" he asked.

Sam nodded slightly.

"Does it really hurt that much?" he asked.

Sam nodded again.

"Do you want some paracetamol?" he asked.

Sam nodded for the third time.

"Zoe, could you get Sam some paracetamol please?" he asked Zoe, who had been standing by the door the whole time.

"Yes, of course," said Zoe. She went to the kitchen and came back a minute later with two tablets and a glass of water.

"Thanks," said Sam. She took the paracetamol and waited for it to work.

They sat on the floor for a few minutes, and then Tom looked at his watch. It was 9:30, and Sam was nearly falling asleep.

"Um, Zoe, is it OK if we stay the night?" asked Tom, gesturing to Sam.

"Yes, that's fine," said Zoe. "There are two beds in the spare room, and you can push them together to make a double if you want."

"OK, thanks," said Tom. He picked up a very sleepy Sam and laid her on one of the beds. He and Zoe then pushed the other one next to it, and then he climbed into it.

"Night, Zoe," he said.

"Goodnight," said Zoe, and then closed the door behind her. Sam would be OK now that Tom was there, and she was glad that they had made up.

**A/N So, that was a bit of a longer chapter for you! Sorry it's a bit late, but I'm nearly falling asleep (even though I've only been up about nine hours today!). Please read and review! :-D**


	9. Back to Work

**A/N Because I have a slight obsession with Casualty (especially Sam because she's just amazing!) I'm going to update this a lot (which means you'll all have something to read!). :-D Hope you like the chapter! :-D**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, waterlooraodfan2012 and lilangel1 for reviewing! They make me so happy and make me want to write! :-D**

At about 7:00 the next morning Tom woke up. He looked around the room in confusion before realising where he was: Zoe's house. He then looked over at Sam who was still sleeping peacefully on her side. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her awake.

Sam groaned as the shaking woke her up. "Tom!" she moaned.

"You need to get up," said Tom. "You didn't go to work yesterday so you need to go in today."

Sam lay there not moving.

"Come on Sam, get up," said Tom.

Sam still didn't move.

"I'll tickle you," he threatened (as being tickled was the one thing that Sam absolutely hated). When she still didn't move her began to gently tickle her.

"Ah, Tom, get off!" said Sam as she tried to wriggle away (which didn't work as there wasn't enough space on the bed). "Fine, I'll get up."

"Good," said Tom. "You've got an hour to get ready, an hour and fifteen minutes max."

"OK," said Sam as she began to slowly get out of bed.

* * *

><p>About an hour later Sam, Tom and Zoe set off for the ED. When they got there Zoe went to her office whilst Sam and Tom went into the staffroom to get their scrubs so they could get changed. When they had got changed they went to reception to see if there was anything they needed to do.<p>

"No, not really," replied Tess when they asked her. "It's relatively quiet in here today."

But she spoke too soon. Suddenly the red phone rang, and Tom answered it.

"Yep, OK, we're on our way," he said, and then put the phone down.

"What is it?" asked Sam.

"There's been a major RTC with at least ten people injured," Tom explained. "We're going to need a lot of space in resus and a lot of staff to cover it."

"OK, I'll start moving people out of resus," said Tess, heading towards resus.

Just then the doors opened, and the first casualty was brought in...

**A/N OK, I know it was short, but I need your characters as casualties! I can have as many as I want (well, within reason obviously), so I will use yours if you send one. If you want to send a second one as well then that would also be welcome! The faster characters come in the faster I can write the next chapter! Please R&R! :-D**

**Syoc/ Character Form:**

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Gender:**

**Injuries:**

**Will they live or die in the end?:**

**Family (if you want them to visit):**

**Any medical history that will affect them:**

**Anything else:**


	10. The Chaos Begins!

**A/N Just realised this is chapter ten! I didn't even realise I'd done that many! I also have over 50 reviews! YAY! I'M SO HAPPY! :-D Anyway, here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to waterlooroadfan2012, sarah4steve, L'Amour veritable, Minxheart, Mrs Cuckoo, Gillian Kearney Fan and Linneagb for characters! If anyone want to submit another one (even though L'Amour veritable has already submitted three!) then they would be welcome (as I need lots and lots of patients in order for my plan to work!). :-D**

**Also, a quick note, having thought about it I think that characters who have a connection with anyone from Casualty won't be able to have the connection, as the plot won't work if that happens. If anyone wants to change the family of the characters that this applies to then I will happily accept whatever you choose (as long as they don't have a connection).**

**Last thing, sorry if any of the medical information is incorrect, but I'm not a doctor!**

"Right, this is Chloe Hills, she's 26," said Dixie as she wheeled the bed into the hospital. "She has facial, arm and head lacerations and a broken arm. BP 130 over 70, GCS 8, stats 95%. She's had 10mg of morphine and 500ml of saline."

Sam and Tom had begun to follow by this point, and helped move Chloe onto the bed.

"Hello Chloe, I'm Sam, I'm a doctor," said Sam. "Are you in any pain?"

"My arm really hurts," explained Chloe.

"OK, let's give her 5mg of morphine," said Sam, and one of the nurses got onto it.

"How did you do this?" Sam asked, looking at Chloe's arm.

"I crashed my car into another car, and then went through the windscreen," Chloe explained.

"Ouch," said Sam. "Well, I think that arm's broken, but we'll have to give you an x-ray to make sure. Fletch, could you do that and then give her some stitches?"

"Yep," replied Fletch, and went over to the phone to book an x-ray.

Just then another person came through the resus doors.

"Can we have some people over here?" Dixie called, and Sam rushed to help. "OK on three, one, two, three." Everyone moved the person over to the bed.

"Right, this is Marina Cameron, she's 20," Tom explained to Sam (as he had been there whilst Jeff was telling them about Marina and Sam hadn't been). "She's got glass in her abdomen and query internal bleeding. She's had 10mg of morphine and 500ml of saline."

"OK, thanks Tom," said Sam. "OK, Marina, I'm Sam, a doctor here. Are you in any pain?"

"Not really," said Marina.

"OK," said Sam. "How did this happen?"

"I crashed my car, and the windscreen smashed, and the flying glass hit me," explained Marina.

"OK," said Sam. "Um, Rita, could you get this glass out please, and then book an x-ray to check there's none left?"

"OK," said Rita, and began to get the things ready for removing the glass.

* * *

><p>Sam was just leaving resus when Iain came in with yet another casualty.<p>

"What have we got?" Sam asked.

"This is Amy Stevenson, she's 3 years old," Iain began whilst wheeling Amy towards resus. "She has injuries on her chest and whiplash from her seatbelt. BP 120 over 80, GCS 10, stats 98%. Her aunt Sarah Stevenson has a broken rib."

"OK," said Sam. "Cubicles please Iain."

Iain wheeled the wheelchair that Amy was sitting in into a cubicle, and Sarah followed. He then lifted her onto the bed, and Sam began to examine her.

"Um, Robyn," said Sam, seeing Robyn walking along nearby. "Could you take Sarah for an x-ray to see if she has any broken ribs, and if she does, how many?"

"Yep, OK," said Robyn. "Come on, Sarah, you come with me. Doctor Nicholls will look after your niece."

"OK, Amy, I'm Sam, a doctor," said Sam. She lifted up Amy's T-shirt and was shocked at all of the bruising on her chest. "Amy, how did you get these?"

Sam put her hand on Amy's chest but Amy flinched away.

"OK, it's alright, I'm not going to hurt you," said Sam reassuringly. "Did your aunt do this to you?"

Amy gave a small nod.

"Does she hurt you a lot?" asked Sam gently.

Another nod.

"Do you live with her?" asked Sam.

"My mum and dad died when I was very little, so Auntie Sarah looks after me now," explained Amy, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Come here," said Sam, opening her arms out. Amy leant forward slightly and let Sam hug her gently.

After a minute or so Sam pulled herself out of the hug. "Amy, will you stay here for me whilst I go and talk to someone?" she asked.

"OK," said Amy, and made herself comfy on the bed.

"OK, I'll be back soon, or I'll send someone else to come and see you," said Sam. "I'll make sure they're nice!"

Amy giggled slightly, and then Sam left her.

* * *

><p>Sam walked out of the cubicle and tried to find Tom, but instead she was met with another patient!<p>

"Sam, can you come and help please?" Norman asked.

"Um, I was just going to..." began Sam.

"Thanks," said Norman. "Right, this is Leona Kent, 21 years old. She's got a chest trauma from the impact of the collision. Was KOed at the scene, but regained consciousness. BP is 140 over 60, GCS 6, stats 80%. She's had 10mg of morphine and 500ml of saline. OK, on three. One, two, three."

Everyone helped and Leona was moved onto a bed.

"Hello, I'm Sam, I'm a doctor here," said Sam. "Are you in any pain?"

"My chest," Leona said, wheezing slightly.

"OK, could we get her another 5mg of morphine and possibly an oxygen mask?" Sam asked, and some nurses began to get what Sam had asked for. Whilst they were doing that Sam slipped quietly out of the room and found Tom at the nurses' station.

"Oh Tom, um, could I have a word?" asked Sam.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at her in concern.

"It's not me, it's Amy Stevenson, my patient," said Sam, and Tom breathed a sigh of relief. "She's got some bruising on her chest that wasn't caused by the crash, and she says that her aunt hurts her. Could you come and have a look?"

"Sure, in a minute," said Tom. "I'll quickly tell... who is with her aunt?"

"Robyn," said Sam.

"I'll just go and find Robyn and tell her not to let..." Tom began.

"Sarah," Sam filled in.

"I'll tell her not to let Sarah near Amy, at least not until we've assessed the situation and informed social services," said Tom.

"OK, thanks," said Sam. "She's in cubicle three."

"OK, I'll come and join you in a minute," said Tom, and he went to find Robyn.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Sam went into Amy's cubicle to find her asleep on the bed. She smiled and then left her whilst she went to see some more patients.<p>

"What have we got?" asked Sam as yet another bed was wheeled into the hospital.

"This is Ben Miller, 19 years old," began Dixie. "He's got a spinal fracture and a query brain injury. He was KOed at the scene; BP 180 over 40, GCS 3, stats 60%."

"Not good then," said Sam.

"No, not really," said Dixie. She then wheeled Ben into resus. "OK on three, one, two, three."

Ben was moved over to the bed and Sam began to examine him.

"His pupils are dilated, there's no response," said Sam. "I don't think he's got long to live."

"Well, I'll look through his belongings and see if I can find anything about his relatives," said Jamie, picking up Ben's rucksack.

"OK," said Sam, and then left resus. She needed a breather.

* * *

><p>Sam was just heading to the staffroom when Jeff called her over.<p>

"Sam, can you help please?" he called.

"Fine," said Sam quietly. "Coming," she called to Jeff, and ran over.

"This is Joe Holmes, 23 years old," began Jeff. "He's got a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder and a facial laceration to the right cheek. His BP is 130 over 70, GCS 8, stats 90%. He's had 5mg of morphine and 200ml of saline."

"Thanks Jeff," said Sam after they had moved him over. "Hello Joe, I'm Sam, a doctor. Are you in any pain?"

"Not really," said Joe.

"OK," said Sam. "How did this happen?"

"I was coming towards the crash, and didn't see it in time, then 'crash' and I was part of it!" explained Joe.

She looked around to see who was free and spotted Fletch who had just finished stitching up Chloe. "Fletch, could you come and stitch up Joe here and then sort him an x-ray?"

"Will do," said Fletch, and then Sam left resus to try and get another break.

* * *

><p>Once she was out of resus Sam looked around quickly to check that no one was watching her, and then quickly walked to the staffroom, unlocked the door and then went inside. She sighed at the silence in the room, and then sat on the sofa, where she gently fell asleep...<p>

**A/N So, a very long chapter for you today (well, it's the longest one I've ever written for this story anyway!)! Hope you enjoyed it, and remember to send in more characters if you want to (as I want the ED to explode it's so full! (not literally of course, but you get what I mean!)). Also, the more characters, the more drama there will be for Sam later! Please R&R! :-D**

**Also, if anyone wants notes for how to play the old 'Casualty' theme tune, PM me (or write it in a review if you don't have an account) and I'll give you them (as I worked it out the other day and it's fun to play!). :-D**


	11. More Chaos!

**A/N Another chapter! (I know, it's very quick for me!) You have waterlooroadfan2012's music lesson to thank as I wanted to cheer her up! Hope you enjoy the chapter! :-D **_That's wrong, _I think. _Start again!_

**A/N That was the plan! Sorry I didn't update sooner, but I had a lot of other things to do (the main one being that my parents decided that we should all go out for a meal on Friday night (which was when I was going to write this!)). :-( I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway! :-D**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, Gillian Kearney Fan and waterlooroadfan2012 for reviewing! I think you all took less than five minutes to review the story, which makes me happy (as it shows that you like the story!). Also thanks to Minxheart who reviewed just as I was writing this! Another thanks to Linneagb and CasualtyFanForever81 who reviewed whilst I was writing the chapter (I know, it's been that long!). :-D**

Sam woke up about ten minutes later to someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked at them: it was Fletch.

"Sorry to wake you but we've got more casualties coming in and we need all the help we can get," he said.

"OK," said Sam, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "I'll come in a second."

"OK," said Fletch and left the staffroom.

Sam sighed, and then got off the sofa. She looked around the silent staffroom once more before opening the door and heading out into the busy ED.

* * *

><p>Sam came out of the staffroom and was met with yet <em>another<em> casualty!

"This is Hannah Scott, 15 years old," said Iain, wheeling Hannah in. "She's got a fractured ankle and a fractured elbow. BP 120 over 70, GCS 8, stats 95%. She's had 5mg of morphine and 200ml of saline. OK on three, one, two, three."

On three everyone moved Hannah to the bed, and then Sam began to talk to her.

"Hello Hannah, I'm Sam, I'm a doctor here," she said. "Are you in any pain?"

"A little bit," said Hannah.

"OK, let's get her another 5mg of morphine please," said Sam, and a nurse began to do it.

Sam then headed out of resus and Norman was there again with another casualty on another stretcher.

_How can there be so many?!_ thought Sam. "What have we got?" she asked Norman.

"This is Bill Evans, 73 years old," said Norman. "He's got a laceration to the left side of his face and a query fractured ankle. BP is 130 over 80, GCS 9, stats 90%. He's had 5mg of morphine and 500ml of saline."

Bill was then wheeled into resus and moved over to a bed.

"Hello Bill, I'm Sam," said Sam. "Are you in any pain?"

"My ankle's killing me," said Bill.

"OK, can we give him another 10mg of morphine please?" asked Sam. She then turned to Bill. "How did this happen?"

"I was driving my car along the road when some idiot drove into me," said Bill. "I was trapped in my car for ages!"

"Well, you're here now," said Sam. She was tired and annoyed herself, she didn't need someone else moaning to her. She then looked at the cut on Bill's face. "Um, Lily, could you stitch this up for me please? I would ask a nurse to do it but they're all busy and I don't want any damage to be caused to Bill's eye."

"Certainly Doctor Nicholls," said Lily, and went towards Bill in order to get a look at the cut. Sam then left resus.

* * *

><p>Sam had just got into the corridor when her stomach rumbled. It was then that she realised that she's skipped breakfast, and so hadn't had anything to eat that day (meaning that she was now really hungry!). She went to the hospital shop and bought herself a sandwich. She was just about to eat it when Dixie came in with a casualty.<p>

"Sam, can you come and help please?" she asked.

"Can't I have a ten minute break?" asked Sam.

"Yes, once you've helped me with this patient," said Dixie.

"Fine," said Sam. She put the sandwich in her pocket of her scrubs (as it was quite big) and then hurried over.

"OK, this is an unknown female, about 30 years old," began Dixie. "She's sustained an injury to her leg, most likely due to the stop of blood circulation due to the fact that it was trapped. She was KOed at the scene. BP 140 over 60, GCS 6, stats 80%. She's had 500ml of saline. She had an eight year old daughter in the back with her, and Jeff's bringing her in now. OK on three, one, two, three."

Everyone got around the bed and moved the woman onto a bed. Sam then began to examine her.

"Her pupils are dilated, and there's no response," she said, shining a light into the woman's eyes. "Has she been like this since the crash?"

"Yes," said Dixie.

"OK," said Sam. "How long will it be before her daughter's here?"

"About five minutes I'd say," said Dixie.

"OK, thanks," said Sam. She left resus, got the sandwich out of her pocket and began to eat it.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Sam had just finished eating her sandwich when the daughter of the woman who had come in a few minutes ago came in.<p>

"Right, this is Dani Howard, she's eight years old," said Jeff as he began to wheel Dani in in a wheelchair. "She's just got a bit of whiplash but she's a bit pale and has been vomiting. BP 130 over 70, GCS 7, stats 90%. She's had 200ml of saline."

"OK, cubicles please Jeff," said Sam, not wanting the girl to see her mother whilst she was still unconscious, especially before they'd both been checked out.

"OK, Dani, could you get onto the bed for me please?" Sam asked. Dani stood up and got onto the bed. However as she did so she was sick again and unfortunately it went all over Fletch (who had just entered the cubicle)!

"Thanks!" said Fletch. "I'll need to go and get changed now!"

"Sorry," said Dani.

"Oh, I was only joking, it's not your fault," said Fletch. He then turned to Sam. "I'll be back in five minutes."

"OK," said Sam. "How many times have you been sick today Dani?"

"About ten," said Dani.

"She was only sick three times that I saw, well four including just now," said Jeff.

"OK," said Sam. She went out of the cubicle. "Tom?" she called.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I think my patient, Dani Howard, was ill before she came to the ED," Sam explained. "Could you check her over?"

"Of course I can," said Tom. He then looked closely at Sam. "You look shattered, why don't you go and take a break?"

"OK, thanks," she said. Sam then headed off to the staffroom whilst Tom went to see what was wrong with Dani.

* * *

><p>Sam was just about to go into the staffroom when Iain called her over.<p>

"Sam, can you come and help?" he asked.

It took all of Sam's willpower not to yell 'No!' as she ran over to help Iain.

"What have we got?" she asked as she began to walk alongside the trolley.

"This is Willow Lucas, 16 years old," began Iain. "She has minor facial lacerations and a broken ankle. BP 120 over 80, GCS 9, stats 95%. She's had 5mg of morphine and 200ml of saline. OK on three, one, two, three."

On three everyone moved Willow onto a bed.

"Hello Willow, I'm Sam, a doctor here," said Sam. "Are you in any pain?"

"My ankle hurts a bit," replied Willow.

"OK, let's get her five of morphine," said Sam. One of the nurses got onto it and then she turned back to Willow. "How did this happen?"

"My mum was driving the car and then someone pulled out in front of her," explained Willow. "She then tried to swerve, but then hit another car. The front of the car got completely smashed up and sh-she..."

"She was dead when we got there," explained Iain.

"OK," said Sam. She then looked around for a nurse. "Um, Rita, could you stitch up Willow please?"

"Sure," said Rita, and began to get some things ready.

Sam then left resus in order to try and get that break Tom had told her to have.

* * *

><p>Sam entered the staffroom and sat down at the table.<p>

_Finally,_ she thought. _Silence again!_

She rested her head on her hands and took some deep breaths, trying to get rid of all of the stress of resus. She had been in there for about two minutes when she heard the door being opened behind her. She was too tired to see who it was so she didn't bother.

"Hey, are you alright?" Tom's voice. Sam would know that anywhere.

Sam just nodded slightly; she couldn't be bothered to do anything else.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Are you OK, Sam?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," said Sam, not moving her head from where it rested on her hands. "I'm just tired."

"You didn't get much sleep last night did you?" Tom asked, sitting down next to her.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"I wouldn't have either if I'd been in your position, and you're never this tired," said Tom. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

"I didn't want to," said Sam. "Those nightmares, I couldn't face them all again. I knew I'd only get a few hours sleep anyway, and I didn't want to have them again, or wake you, so I just stayed awake. I fell asleep about five because I was so tired, which was why I was asleep when you woke up."

"Come here, Sam," said Tom, opening his arms out. Sam didn't say anything, just leant on him, burying her head in his chest. Not long after Tom felt his scrubs getting wet, and realised they were Sam's tears.

"Oh Sam, don't cry," said Tom. "You're the strong one, remember?"

"I'm not anymore," said Sam.

"You are," said Tom. "If I'd been you I would have had a nervous breakdown by now, but you just carry on."

Sam looked up at him. "Do I?"

"Yes, Sam, you do," said Tom, gently wiping the tears from Sam's eyes. "Nothing ever stops you doing what you want, not even me!"

Sam laughed, and more tears began to run down her face. Tom held her close and rubbed her back as she cried.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Sam stopped crying and just sat there, her head resting on Tom's chest.<p>

"Why don't you ask for the rest if the day off?" suggested Tom.

"No, it's OK, I'm fine," said Sam. She tried to get up but Tom stopped her.

"Sam, you're obviously exhausted," said Tom. "You don't have to come, I'll just quickly ask Zoe if you can go and then that will be it."

"OK," said Sam, giving in. She rested her head back on her hands as Tom went to find Zoe.

* * *

><p>"Ah, Zoe," said Tom when he saw her. "Could I have a quick word?"<p>

"Sure, what is it?" asked Zoe.

"Um, could Sam possibly have the rest of the day off?" asked Tom. "She didn't get much sleep last night, so she's exhausted, and..."

"Sorry Tom, no," said Zoe.

"What?!" asked Tom, shocked. "Why?"

"There's a bug that's started making its way around the ED, and we need all the doctors we can get," explained Zoe. "I've sent three home already because they've been ill."

"That's even more reason to let Sam have the day off!" said Tom. "You know what could happen to the baby if Sam gets ill!"

"Yes, I do, but we need staff," said Zoe.

"So you care more about having one more doctor than you do about Sam's baby!" said Tom angrily. "Right that's it, she's going home whether you like it or not!"

"Tom, if she goes home you both get the sack!" said Zoe.

"Fine, she'll stay!" said Tom. "But if she can't do her job properly because she's too tired then blame yourself!"

Tom then went to the staffroom to tell Sam what had happened.

* * *

><p>Sam heard the door open behind her and looked around. Tom was there, but he was looking angry.<p>

"What happened?" she asked.

"Zoe said you can't have the day off," said Tom.

"What?" asked Sam quietly.

"She said there's a bug going round the ED and people are going off sick, so she needs as many doctors as she can get," explained Tom. "I told her that it wouldn't be good for you or the baby but she wouldn't listen."

Sam couldn't listen to any more. She folded her arms, rested her head on them and began to cry. Tom saw her body beginning to shake slightly and went over to her, puting his arm around her.

"Shh, it's OK, Sam," said Tom. "It's alright."

"It's not though is it?" Sam said. "I'm going to mess up at some point if Zoe makes me work, and then there'll be a complaint, and everything will be my fault, and then Zoe will sack me, and then..."

"Oh Sam, don't think like that," said Tom. "You won't make a mistake; you never have before."

"But I've never been this tired before have I?!" said Sam angrily. She wanted to go and strangle Zoe so that she could go home, but knew that that would get her into even more trouble.

"No, but you'll still be OK," said Tom. "And if someone does make a complaint I'll make sure it's Zoe that gets into trouble and not you."

"Thanks, Tom," said Sam. She then turned her head so it was on its side (still resting on her arms). Tom smiled at her and she smiled back.

"You OK now?" asked Tom.

"I'm sure I'll live," said Sam. She slowly got up, but as she did so her legs gave way and Tom had to catch her to stop her from hitting the floor. He helped her up and sat her back on the chair.

"I'm telling Zoe," said Tom. "We can't have you collapsing whilst you're trying to treat people!"

"No, don't," said Sam. "She won't do anything."

"If it happens again I'm telling her," said Tom.

"OK," said Sam. She got up again (without falling over this time) and then headed back out into the ED, dreading having to work another shift...

**A/N OK, I was going to do more in this chapter but it's so long that I think I'll put it in another chapter (which means this is going to have even more chapters than I planned!)! Please R&R! :-D**


	12. The Chaos Continues!

**A/N So, here I am again! Hopefully I won't have to rewrite the A/N this time! :-D Hope you enjoy the chapter! :-D**

**Mrs Cuckoo: I will have your character in it again. I was just trying to get all the casualties in, but now I've done that I'm going to start getting to know the characters a bit better, so you should all see the one/s you made again quite soon! :-D**

**Thanks to waterlooraodfan2012, lilangel1, CasualtyFanForever81, sarah4steve, Minxheart, Mrs Cuckoo, L'Amour veritable, perpetualpathology, Guest and XCasualtyTeamTamX for reviewing! As XCasualtyTeamTamX rightly put, I am motivated by and love the reviews (as I like to hear what you guys think). They also make me feel happy when I'm sad. :-D**

Sam walked back out into the ED, desperately trying not to cry.

"Come on Sam, you can do this," Sam said to herself as she walked. "You're strong remember!"

Sam went to the hospital entrance to find Dixie there wheeling another patient in.

"Who's this?" Sam asked.

"This is Gilbert Michaels, 12 years old," began Dixie. "He's got a broken arm and both his legs are broken. BP 140 over 60, GCS 7, stats 85%. We haven't found his family yet, but he has a card on him that says that he has autism. His mum's phone number is on there as well, so we'll try calling it. He's had 5mg of morphine and 200ml of saline."

Dixie then counted to three and Gilbert was moved over to a bed.

"Hello Gilbert, I'm Sam," began Sam. "I'm a doctor and I work here. I'm going to look after you OK?"

"OK," said Gilbert hesitantly after a few seconds.

"OK Gilbert, are you in any pain?" asked Sam.

"My arm hurts," said Gilbert. "And my legs."

"OK, let's get him 10mg of morphine," said Sam. She went to leave but Gilbert grabbed hold of her arm.

"It's OK Gilbert, the nurses will look after you," said Sam. "Jamie, Robyn, could you look after him?"

"OK," they said, and then went over to Gilbert.

"I'll be back later to check on you," said Sam, and then left resus.

* * *

><p>Sam had just left resus when Jeff came in with another casualty.<p>

"This is Kayla Baker, 18," said Jeff. "She's got a broken leg and possible spinal damage. BP 130 over 70, GCS 8, stats 90%. She's had 10mg of morphine and 500ml of saline. OK on three, one, two three." Everyone got round the bed and gently moved Kayla across.

"Hello Kayla, I'm Sam, I'm a doctor here," said Sam. "Are you in any pain?"

"I can't feel my legs," said Kayla worriedly.

"OK, um, Tess, could you book a CT scan please?" Sam asked.

"Sure," said Tess, and got onto the phone.

Sam then left resus again, hoping to get a break if there weren't any more patients. What she met outside was no better though. There were family members everywhere, shouting at the receptionists (who were getting the worst of it), arguing with doctors, trying to get into resus and to cubicles without permission, and bascially making a riot. Sam wanted to run away but she couldn't get anywhere. Instead she took a deep breath and got ready to shout.

"QUIET!" she yelled, and immediately everyone fell silent and looked at her.

"We understand that you want to see your family, but it's been very busy today so we need to make everything as ordered as possible," said Sam. "There is also a contagious illness going round the ED. We have put those affected away from everyone else, but we need to make sure that no one else catches it. So if you could line up nicely at reception I'm sure Noel and Louise will do their best to sort you out. OK?"

Everyone just nodded and mumbled 'yes' and then began to line up at reception.

"I never knew you had such a loud voice!" said Tom, coming up behind Sam and hugging her.

"I always did, and the army training helped as well," said Sam. "You're not much use as a major if you can't shout!"

"Fair point!" said Tom, and then he and Sam got back to work.

* * *

><p>As Sam walked off she felt her knees go weak again and nearly fell over. When she had made them stronger again she went back to the staffroom to get a ten minute break. When she got in there she sat at the table like she had before and rested her head on her hands. She closed her eyes and began to slowly drift off to sleep...<p>

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

_I was running. I don't know why, I just was. I looked behind me. I was being chased, but I didn't know who was chasing me. I certainly didn't know why. I just knew that I had to keep running. I knew that if they caught me I would be dead..._

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

"Tom, where's Sam?" Zoe asked when she passed him.

"I don't know," said Tom truthfully. "In fact, I haven't seen her for a couple of hours."

"Are you sure she didn't go home?" asked Zoe.

"Well if she did she didn't tell me," said Tom. "I'll go and look for her."

"OK," said Zoe, and Tom left to go and find Sam.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

_I was still running. I wanted to get to safety, for Tom to scoop me up in his arms and to hug me, but there was no one. Well, except the person chasing me, but they were hardly going to give me a hug! Suddenly I heard Tom's voice. I tried to run towards it but I didn't know where it was coming from. I stopped to try to work out where it was coming from, but that was a mistake. As soon as I stopped the person chasing me immediately caught up with me. He held a gun to my head and was about to shoot..._

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

"Sam, wake up!" said Tom, shaking her shoulder to wake her up.

Sam woke up and screamed.

"Sam, Sam, it's OK, I'm here," said Tom. Sam stopped screaming and looked at him.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Y-y-yes, n-n-no, I-I-I don't know," Sam admitted, leaning back and resting on Tom.

He wrapped his arms around her protectively. "What happened?" he asked.

"I-I-I had another nightmare," said Sam.

"Why do you keep having them?" he asked.

"I don't know," said Sam, tears beginning to roll down her face. "I don't want to have them, but they won't stop."

"Come here," said Tom, opening his arms out. Sam stood up and turned around and he put his arms around her. He began to rub her back, trying to sooth her as she cried. Suddenly Sam's legs gave way, and he held her tightly. Sam whimpered.

"Shh, Sam, it's alright," said Tom. "I'll sit you on the floor OK?"

Sam nodded, and then Tom gently lowered him and Sam so that they were sitting on the floor.

"You OK?" he asked.

"I think so," said Sam. "My legs feel weird though."

"I think they just collapsed, they'll be alright in a minute or two," said Tom. He then looked at Sam closely. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

"Yes," Sam almost whispered.

"What happened?" asked Tom softly.

"I was running," said Sam. "I don't know why, I just was. There was someone chasing me, but I didn't know who they were, and I didn't know why they were chasing me."

By this point Sam had started shaking, so Tom squeezed her hand reassuringly and hugged her tighter.

"I then heard your voice calling me, but I couldn't work out where it was coming from," said Sam. "I stopped for a second to work it out, but as soon as I did the person chasing me caught up with me. He held a gun to my head and was about to shoot me when I woke up. That's why I screamed when I woke up."

"Oh Sam," said Tom. Sam buried her head in his chest and he began to rub her back as she began to cry again. Sam then began to curl up, but Tom stopped her.

"Please Sam, don't," said Tom. "You know what happened last time."

"I'm trying not to," said Sam. She tensed up to stop her body from curling up, but it didn't work. Tom sensed this and took his hand off her back and put it on her legs, helping her to relax her muscles and curl up.

"It's OK, Sam, I can see that you need to," he said. "It's OK, I'll make sure that you don't squash the baby too much."

Sam didn't say anything, just curled up and laid her head on Tom's chest, letting out a sigh as she did so.

* * *

><p>About ten minutes later Sam had nearly stopped crying when Zoe walked into the staffroom.<p>

"There you are!" she said. She then blinked a few times to take into the scene before her: Sam and Tom sitting on the floor, Sam crying into Tom's chest. "Sam, are you OK?"

It took all of Tom's willpower not to say "No, she's not alright, which is why I asked you if she could go home earlier. She's exhausted and upset, and has just had a nightmare, so no Zoe, she's not alright!" Instead he turned to look at Zoe and said, "Not really, she's tired and had a nightmare. I was then trying to comfort her when her legs gave way, which is why we're sitting on the floor." All the time he spoke in a professional voice, trying not to let his anger at Zoe show.

"Oh, OK," said Zoe, trying not to let the shock she was feeling show on her face. "Are you alright now, because the ED's filling up again and we could really do with your help?"

"OK, we'll come in a minute," said Tom. Zoe nodded and left the room.

"Are you OK to stand up now?" Tom asked.

"I think so," said Sam. Tom stood up, and then helped Sam up as well.

"Well, I didn't fall over!" said Sam. She looked out into the ED and sighed. "I suppose we'd better get back to work then."

"Yeah," said Tom. Sam was about to go when Tom grabbed her arm. "Sam, can I just tell you something?"

"OK," said Sam, turning round to face him again.

"If you ever need anything, anything at all, I'll be here for you," Tom began. "No matter how small you think it is, I'll always help you. I'll never leave you like Dylan did, or not help you. Even if it's only a hug, I'll give you a hug, because I love you, Sam. You're the most special person in the world to me, don't forget that, and I'll always be here for you."

Tears began to run down Sam's face. She knew Tom cared, but to hear it like that was, well, amazing.

"Tom," she said, "can I ask a question?"

"What is it?" asked Tom.

"Can I have a hug?" she asked.

Tom didn't say anything, but instead enveloped her into a hug. Sam buried her head into his chest as she began to cry for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"Shh, Sam, it's alright, it's OK," said Tom. He held her tightly as she cried, and hoped that she would be alright soon.

**A/N A whole other chapter and I still haven't got any family in! I will in the next chapter I promise (although you just have to love Tom's little speech: I thought it was really cute!)! Please read and review! :-D**


	13. Family Matters

**A/N I'm here again (I know, quick for me (although I said that for chapter 11 and look where it got me!)). The last chapter was going to have this title, but then the family never turned up, so I had to change it! You'll get to meet the family members in this chapter though I promise! :-D**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, waterlooraodfan2012, Gillian Kearney Fan, Guest, lilangel1, CasualtyFanForever81 and Minxheart for reviewing! There were so many in such a short time, and they cheered me up a lot (as I couldn't sleep last night so I was tired and fed up today!). ****:-D**

A few minutes later Sam stopped crying and pulled herself out of the hug.

"I'd better go," she said wiping the tears from her eyes. She went to leave but just before she left the room she turned around. "Thanks, Tom."

"It's OK," said Tom. "Just, don't do anything stupid in your shift- I know what you're like-"

Sam laughed.

"-and then after work we can go home and have a movie night in," finished Tom.

"OK," said Sam. "See you later then."

"Bye," said Tom, and they both left the room and went separate ways.

* * *

><p>When Sam got to reception it was just as busy as before!<p>

"Oh, Sam, could you show some of these people to their relatives please?" asked Noel.

"Of course," said Sam. She took the clipboard off Noel and called out the first name: "Mr Hills."

A man and a boy came forward to greet her. "Hello, I'm Matt and this is Henry," the man said. "How is Chloe?"

"She's doing quite well," said Sam. "If you just follow me I'll show you where she is."

Sam began to walk towards resus, and Matt and Henry followed her.

* * *

><p>When they got to resus Matt immediately saw Chloe and he and Henry ran over to her.<p>

"Chloe!" said Matt.

"Mum!" said Henry.

"Hello," said Chloe, giving them both a hug.

Sam smiled at the scene, one day that could be her, Tom and their little baby.

"Are you OK?" asked Matt anxiously. "What happened?"

"I was driving to work when I crashed into another car, and then I went through the windscreen," explained Chloe. "That's why I have all these cuts."

She gestured to the cuts that Fletch had neatly stitched up.

"Have you got any other injuries?" Matt asked.

"No, just the cuts," said Chloe.

"Good," said Matt. "You'll be better very soon then."

"Yes, I'll be fine in no time," said Chloe, and her and Matt hugged.

Sam smiled at them, and then left resus, ready to get some more relatives.

* * *

><p>When Sam got into resus she took Noel's clipboard (without asking him as he was talking to someone else and not paying attention to her) and then called the next relative.<p>

"Mr Cameron and Mr Franklin," Sam called.

David Cameron and Joe Franklin stood up from where they'd been sitting.

"How is she?" David asked.

"Follow me and I'll be able to update you," said Sam, and then began to lead David and Joe towards resus where Marina was.

* * *

><p>When they got to resus David and Joe rushed over to Marina (very similar to how Matt and Henry had to Chloe).<p>

"Are you alright?" asked Joe.

Yeah, just a few cut from the glass, and the doctors are going to look in a minute to see if I have any internal bleeding," said Marina.

"Good," said Joe. "You'll be alright then."

"Yes, I don't think I'll die!" joked Marina.

Just then Tess came into resus to do an ultrasound to check for internal bleeding.

"Can you roll your top up for me please?" said Tess. She then applied some gel. "This may be a bit cold."

When she had applied the gel Tess got the probe and began to scan Marina's abdomen.

"Well, there's no internal bleeding, but there is something else I think you should see," said Tess. She turned the screen around and Sam saw something she recognised immediately: a baby.

"Oh, my, God!" said Marina, clearly in shock. "How far gone am I?"

"About four months," said Tess, smiling at Marina's reaction.

Sam was also smiling, mainly because she knew how happy she'd been and was pleased that Marina was also happy.

"I'll leave you to it," said Sam, and then made her way back to reception.

* * *

><p>Sam got back to reception and was about to call out the next name when Sarah Stevenson (Amy's aunt) came running over to her looking angry.<p>

"I want to see my niece," she said. "Other people are allowed to see my family, so why can't I see mine?"

"We found some bruising on Amy's chest that wasn't caused by the crash," explained Sam. "We feel that she may be being abused."

"Abused?!" Sarah shrieked, making Sam wince as the sound hit her ear drum. "I would never, EVER abuse Amy. And YOU," she pointed her finger in Sam's face, "can NOT accuse me of doing that. Understood?"

"I never said it was you, I was just commenting on the bruising we found on Amy..." began Sam.

"You never said it was me, but I know that you thought it was me," said Sarah. "I am sick and tired of people accusing me of things that I don't do, and you will NOT do the same. You will NOT accuse me of hurting my niece. Understood?"

"I-I-I," Sam stammered.

"I said DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Sarah shouted yelling the last three words straight into Sam's ear. Sam didn't know what she was going to do when suddenly she saw Tom.

"TOM!" she yelled at the top of her voice.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

This was a mistake as well as a help. As soon as Sarah heard me shout Tom's name she began to punch me hard, knocking the breath out of me. She was punching my stomach, and I was just praying that the baby was going to be alright. Suddenly the punching stopped, and I felt hands on my neck, forcing me not to breathe, not letting me have any air. As soon as I thought I was going to pass out I felt the hands ripped from my neck, and then lay on the floor curled up into a small ball so that she couldn't get me again. I then heard a lot of shouting, and then someone tried to pick me up. I screamed.

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

"Sam, Sam, it's me, it's alright," said Tom, trying to make himself heard over Sam's high-pitched scream.

After a few seconds Sam stopped screaming. She uncurled slightly and looked up at Tom who was kneeling next to her but had his body over her back, shielding her protectively.

He smiled at her. "Are you OK?" he asked softly.

"I-I-I th-th-think s-s-so," Sam stuttered, her body beginning to shake slightly.

Tom began to rub her back and her tensed body began to relax. Until she heard another shout that is...

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

I turned around to see Sarah running towards me, closely followed by two security officers.

"I haven't finished with her yet!" she yelled. "She accused me of abusing my niece, I will NOT have her doing that!"

I curled up small again (closing my eyes as I did so) and I felt Tom get up. I heard him running towards Sarah and then I heard a fight. I could also hear people shouting, people screaming, people talking. I curled up even smaller and covered my ears. Suddenly I felt myself being lifted off the ground, and I began to scream again.

"Sam, shh, just trust me." Tom's voice.

I stopped screaming and just let him run with me. I felt him run, stop, unlock a door (as I heard the code), run through the door, shut and lock the door, and then put me down gently on a sofa. I hesitantly opened my eyes and saw Tom knelt down on the floor next to me. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he said. "I knew that I had to save you: Sarah could have seriously hurt you if she had have got to you."

"Can she get us now?" I asked nervously.

"No," said Tom, and I instant relaxed. "We're in the staffroom, and it's locked from both sides."

"The baby hasn't kicked at all," I said worriedly. I hadn't felt it kick at all whilst I was curled up and usually it would have kicked loads.

"Should we go and see if we can get an early scan?" asked Tom. My scan should have been tomorrow but after Sarah had hit the baby we should be able to get an emergency scan.

"C-c-could you see if she's gone first?" I asked nervously.

Tom smiled at me. "Sure," he said, and then went to check.

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

Once Tom had made sure that Sarah wasn't outside (and wasn't coming back) he and Sam made their way up to the maternity ward. When they got there Tom asked if they could get an emergency scan, and they were told to wait in reception whilst someone went to check if there was a space. Sam and Tom sat down as they waited.

"What if they haven't got a space?" asked Sam nervously.

"Then we'll get someone in the ED to do it," said Tom. "Or we'll argue until they let us have a scan. We're not leaving the hospital until you've been seen."

"OK," said Sam, and rested her head on Tom's chest whilst they waited.

* * *

><p>A few minutes a midwife came to see them.<p>

"Doctor Nicholls," she said. Tom and Sam stood up and walked over to her.

"You wanted an emergency appointment," she enquired.

"Yes please," said Tom. "Sam was attacked at work today and was punched in the stomach hard, so we want to make sure that the baby's alright."

"You have your twenty week scan tomorrow don't you?" asked the midwife.

"Yes, but I didn't want to leave it until then," said Sam.

"I understand perfectly," said the midwife. "If you come with me I'll see if I can find someone who's free."

"Thank you," said Tom, and he and Sam began to follow the midwife to see if they could get an appointment.

* * *

><p>When they got to the department they found a midwife whose patient had had to cancel, so they were able to take their slot.<p>

"Hello, I'm Claire," Claire said introducing herself. "Can you get on the bed for me please Doctor Nicholls?"

"It's Sam," said Sam getting onto the bed.

"Why did you book an emergency appointment?" asked Claire.

Sam gave a small shudder, and then looked at Tom pleadingly.

"Sam was attacked today at work, and the woman punched her in the stomach, so we wanted to check that the baby wasn't injured," explained Tom.

"OK," said Claire. She got some gel out. "This may be a bit cold."

She put the gel over Sam's abdomen and then began to rub the probe over to try and see the baby.

"The baby looks fine," she said, turning the screen towards Sam and Tom. "Do you want to know the gender?"

Sam and Tom exchanged a look, and then both nodded.

"Yes please," said Sam.

"OK, well, as you know we can't be 100% sure, but I think that you're having a little girl," said Claire smiling.

Tom took a seat on the chair beside the bed and put his head very close to Sam's bump.

"Hello little beauty," he said. "I'm Tom, I'm your dad."

"Tom, what are you doing?!" Sam asked laughing at him.

"I'm saying hello to our little girl here," he said. "Say hello to her."

"No," said Sam.

Tom out his ear to Sam's bump and pretended to listen. "She says she's really upset because you won't talk to her," he said.

"She can't talk!" said Sam.

"Maybe not," said Tom. "But she can hear. So go on, talk to her."

"Fine," said Sam. She leant forward slightly so she could see the whole of her bump. "Hello little girl, I'm your mum. You're going to love living with us when you're born. We'll go shopping soon and buy you loads of nice things for when you arrive. I can't wait to meet you."

"Aw, Sam, I never knew you could be so sensitive," said Tom.

"Shut it you!" said Sam, playfully elbowing him in the ribs.

Tom pretended to be hurt, holding his side, his face filled with agony.

"Oh God Tom, did I hurt you?" asked Sam anxiously.

Tom stopped pretending and looked at her normally. "No, of course not, I'm fine," he said. Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good," she said. "None of us are injured today then."

"No," said Claire. "You're baby was actually quite lucky: that could have been serious for her."

"She'll be a little fighter just like her mum," said Tom.

Sam smiled. What she had said earlier was true: she couldn't wait to meet their little baby.

**A/N There was supposed to be more in this chapter (mainly more family members and more patients), but my plans kind of went out the window (and I didn't even plan that much!). I will get more family in the next chapter, but I like bad things happening to Sam (especially when Tom then comforts her and we get loads of Tam romance), so that will probably happen quite a lot (so if you don't want to see Sam nearly killed physically and mentally lots of times, don't read it as I have lots of plans for that to happen a lot!)! Please R&R! :-D**


	14. Staff Chaos

**A/N I promised this sooner to loads of people but I've been so busy that I have literally had no time to write! Hope you enjoy the chapter anyway (even though it is a little bit late!)! :-D**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, perpetualpathology, waterlooroadfan2012, lilangel1 and Minxheart for reviewing! They were really nice and made me smile! :-D**

**Btw, really random thing here, but has anyone else noticed that Sam (aka Sam Nicholls!) is in the new Casualty music?! She's not even in the programme anymore! Never mind, it makes me smile (as I miss them and Casualty's not nearly as good anymore)! :-D**

As Sam and Tom made they're way back down to the ED they had beaming smiles on their faces. Now that they knew that the baby was a girl they could start discussing names, and Sam couldn't wait. Usually she wouldn't be the sort of person for that kind of thing, but she was looking forward to when they got to go home so they could just sit on the sofa and decide what they're little girl was going to be called.

"Earth to Sam." Tom's voice broke through her thoughts. He looked at her as she snapped back into reality. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking about what we might call the baby," said Sam. "Can we talk about it tonight?"

"Of course we can," replied Tom, sensing the excitement in Sam's voice. "We'll finish here in a few hours, then we can go home for a night of movies and baby names!"

"Yay!" said Sam, dancing in happiness slightly, but stopped when she saw Tom smiling at her. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just that it's out of character for you," said Tom, laughing.

"Blame the hormones!" said Sam, and they both laughed as they walked the final few steps back into the ED reception.

* * *

><p>When they got there is was just as busy as it had been before, and Sam's eyes darted around nervously looking for Sarah Stevenson.<p>

"She's not here, it's alright," said Tom, gently placing his hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam looked at him and smiled gratefully, before walking forwards into the crowd of people.

They went to the staffroom to quickly sort themselves out before they had to get back to work.

"Sam," said Tom when they got to the staffroom. "Do you want me to ask Zoe if you can go home?"

"No, because she won't let me so it's pointless asking," said Sam, taking her scrub top off. She was just about to get a new one from her locker when she heard Tom gasp.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked, coming towards her. "You're abdomen's turning purple!"

Tom put his hand on one of the bruises and Sam winced in pain.

"Do you want some pain killers?" he asked.

"Yes please," Sam replied, pulling her scrub top over her head.

Tom opened his locker and brought out a packet of paracetamol. He got two tablets out and handed them to Sam. He then went to get a glass of water for her.

"Thanks," said Sam, putting the tablets into her mouth and then swallowing them with the water. She then handed the glass to Tom who put it on the side. "We'd better go."

"Yeah," said Tom reluctantly. "But Sam, if you feel unwell or tired or something's wrong, come and find me, OK? Even if I can't get you the day off I can still make sure you're alright."

"OK, I will," said Sam. "Thanks." She then turned to walk out of the door, but as she did so her legs gave way.

"Whoa!" said Tom, rushing over to her and grabbing her before she hit the floor. He then gently lowered them both to the floor. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, but my stupid legs keep collapsing," said Sam.

"This is the third time," said Tom. "I think we should get you checked out."

"It's the fourth actually, because they gave way earlier when you weren't around," said Sam. "And no, because it's just because I'm so tired. I'll be alright in a minute."

"You shouldn't be working if you've collapsed four times," said Tom. "I'm telling Zoe."

"No, please don't," Sam said quickly before Tom had a chance to get up. "I'll be fine."

"OK," said Tom. "Just don't get up for a minute."

"OK," said Sam, and rested her head on Tom's chest as he held her close.

* * *

><p>A couple of minutes later Sam was about to get up when the staffroom door opened to reveal Zoe.<p>

"Why are you sitting on the floor again?" she asked, a bit of anger showing in her voice. "There are lots of patients out there that need treating and you think it's OK to just sit on the floor and let them die!"

Tom felt the anger boiling inside him. He got up and faced Zoe, despite the protests from Sam.

"Do you think we're sitting on the floor by choice?!" he began, looking angrily at Zoe as he shouted.. "If we had a choice we would be out there treating patients right now! But when Sam went to treat those patients that you're talking about, even though she's so tired that she keeps falling asleep, when she went to treat those patients her legs collapsed and she nearly hit the floor! I then caught her and sat her on the floor so that we wouldn't have another casualty to deal with! Obviously she couldn't then stand up straight away, so we were just sitting on the floor for a couple of minutes until her legs were strong enough to support her weight again! In my opinion she should have gone home hours ago but you are too selfish to let her!"

"Do you really expect me to believe that?!" said Zoe, her voice rising. "Sam isn't ill, and is perfectly capable of working!"

"Then why did she collapse?!" Tom shouted.

"She didn't, that's the point!" Zoe shouted back.

"Well she did, and she's going home right this minute!" shouted Tom. He then turned to Sam and lowered his voice. "Come on, Sam, let's go home."

"You take her home and neither of you work here again!" shouted Zoe.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

I didn't know what to do. Go with Tom and lose my job, or stay here and risk collapsing again, possibly in resus where it could have dangerous consequences. I looked between Tom and Zoe, both of whom were still telling me to follow their plan.

"I-I-I-I-I-I," I started, but I couldn't say any more. Instead I curled up small, feeling my little girl kick softly in rhythm with my heartbeat.

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

"Now look what you've done!" shouted Tom, gesturing over to where Sam was curled up into a ball.

"Me?!" Zoe shouted in shock. "_You're_ the one that tried to make her go home and confused her."

"And you're the one stopping her!" shouted Tom. "If you had have let her go home when I first asked she'd be fine!"

"She was fine anyway!" shouted Zoe.

"No she wasn't!" shouted Tom. "She's been exhausted all day, and you don't care!"

"Well maybe if she'd tried to get some sleep she wouldn't be!" shouted Zoe.

"She would have done, but she didn't want to have a nightmare!" shouted Tom. "You know how horrible they are!"

"Well if she hadn't have been stupid enough to join the army in the first place then she'd be alright wouldn't she?!" shouted Zoe.

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

Sam, stupid?! Did Zoe just call Sam stupid?! I felt the anger rise inside me and then before I knew what I was doing I slapped Zoe across the face.

Zoe just stood there in shock before she eventually spoke. "What the hell was that for?!"

"For calling Sam stupid," I said calmly, hiding my anger.

"That was no reason to slap me!" shouted Zoe.

"You had no reason to call Sam stupid, so I think we're equal don't you?" said Tom.

"Right, that's it, go home now!" shouted Zoe, pointing towards the staffroom door.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

_What?! Zoe can't just send Tom home! I need him here. I need him to make sure I'm alright, to give me a hug when I'm upset, to help me if I collapse again. He can't go home!_

"No!" I shouted. Tom and Zoe turned to me, stunned that I had joined in the conversation. "You can't send him home!"

"I can and I am," said Zoe. "He slapped me across the face for God's sake!"

"Please, Zoe," I said. "I need him."

"Well he should have controlled his temper then shouldn't he?!" said Zoe. "Tom, go home, now!"

"No, Zoe!" I said. "No!"

My breathing began to speed up, and I began to curl up in a ball on the floor. Immediately Tom rushed to my side and took me into a hug.

"Shh, Sam, it's alright," said Tom, holding me close. "It's OK, you're alright."

"Don't... go..." I said between rapid breaths.

"I'm not going anywhere," said Tom, rubbing my back comfortingly. "Just try and take some deep breaths for me."

"I... can't..." I said.

"Yes you can," said Tom. "Breathe in, and then out. In, then out."

I tried, but it wasn't working: my breath was still coming out in short gasps.

"Sam, please, just try and breathe," said Tom.

"I... am..." I said, still breathing quickly and shallowly.

"OK, OK, it's alright," said Tom. "You'll be OK in a minute."

"Not... if... I... can't... breathe..." I said between rapid breaths.

"Zoe?" asked Tom, looking behind him. "Can you go and get some oxygen?"

"OK," she said. She turned to leave but then came back in. "When this is finished you're going straight home Tom."

"I know, just get the oxygen will you?!" said Tom, obviously annoyed that Zoe still cared about the fact that he had slapped her more than she did me.

"OK," said Zoe, before quickly leaving the room. She came back a minute later with an oxygen mask, which she put over my face.

"Is that better?" Tom asked gently.

I nodded, even though my breathing hadn't slowed down that much.

"Try and take some deep breaths into the oxygen," Tom instructed.

I did as I was told, and eventually my breathing slowed down to it's normal speed.

Tom smiled at me. "Are you alright now?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, taking the mask off my face. I found it a bit hard to breathe, so I put it back on.

"Are you OK?" Tom asked, seeing me put the mask back onto my face.

"I just found it a bit hard to breathe, so I put it back on," I explained, and the worried look on Tom's face disappeared.

Zoe coughed. "Tom, you have to go home now," she said.

Tom was about to protest but the look on Zoe's face stopped him. He whispered in my ear. "I'll see you later Sam. If you need me give me a ring and I'll help you. OK?"

"OK," I said, although it wasn't really OK.

"Bye, Sam," said Tom as he walked out of the staffroom. Zoe followed him as I lay on the floor and cried.

**A/N Sorry, this is way later than expected! I also kind of forgot to include the other family members (oops!), but I'll do that next chapter as I want to get this up now. Please read and review! :-D**


	15. Coping?

**A/N It's waterlooroadfan2012's birthday today, so I'm updating specially (even though I should probably be doing revision!). Writing's more fun anyway, and I hope you enjoy the chapter! :-D**

**Thanks to Gillian Kearney Fan, CasualtyFanForever81, Linneagb, sarah4steve, waterlooroadfan2012 (even though you criticised me :-(, although criticism is good), casualtyfan8, Minxheart and Guest for reviewing! There were lots and they made me happy! :-D**

Normal POV

Zoe walked back into the staffroom to find Sam crying. She bent down next to her and put her hand on her shoulder, but Sam flinched away.

"Sam, I'm sorry," said Zoe. "I shouldn't have got angry, it's just that it's very busy in the ED today and I need you to help before the ED descends into any more chaos than it has already!"

"Tell Tom to come back and then he can help as well," said Sam, not looking at Zoe.

"I can't do that Sam, he slapped me across the face," said Zoe. "Unless I think of a very good reason, I can't tell Tom to come back to work today."

"Fine," said Sam. She got up, avoiding Zoe's gaze, and again went back out into the busy ED.

* * *

><p>When Sam stepped out of the staffroom door, she saw all of the people still in reception and froze.<p>

_Come on, Sam,_ she thought to herself. _You can do this!_

She shook herself, and then walked into reception. She took Noel's clipboard off him again and read out the next name: "Miss Miller."

A woman in her early twenties came over to Sam. "Hi, I'm Lucy, Ben's girlfriend," she said, introducing herself. "How is he?"

"Not good I'm afraid," said Sam. "When he came here he had a spinal fracture and a brain injury. We don't think he's got very long to live."

"How long?" asked Lucy, tears coming to her eyes.

"An hour, two at most," said Sam sadly.

Tears began to run down Lucy's cheeks. "Can I go and see him?" she asked.

"Of course you can," said Sam, and she led the way to resus.

* * *

><p>When they got to resus Lucy just stood there in shock for a few seconds before she rushed over to Ben.<p>

"I-I-I, I didn't think it was this bad," stuttered Lucy.

"I'd like to say that it looks worse than it is, but in a way it's worse than it looks," said Sam. "Ben is relying on those machines to keep him alive, but at some point his body is going to just shut down, and there's nothing we can do for him." Sam furiously wiped away the tears that had come to her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Lucy looked at her and smiled through her tears. "Ben was always daring, always determined to get himself killed," she said. "I always thought he'd die whilst abseiling down a cliff-face or parachuting from 10,000 feet off the ground, not in a car crash." More tears welled up in her eyes and she turned back to Ben. "I'm going to miss you Ben, I'm going to miss you so much."

Sam put her arms out and put her hand on Lucy's shoulder. "Keep talking to him, he can hear you."

Lucy looked at her in shock. "Can he?"

Sam nodded. "Yes, people in comas like Ben is are able to hear what's going on around them, so keep talking to him."

"OK," said Lucy.

Sam watched her for a moment as she began to talk to Ben, and then left the room.

* * *

><p>When Sam got back to reception Noel spotted her and came over.<p>

"Ah, Sam, could you show another relative in please?" he asked.

"OK," said Sam, taking the clipboard off him. "Mrs Holmes."

A woman and a small girl walked up to her.

"I'm Karen, and this is Tessa," said the woman, coming up to Sam. "Is Joe alright?"

"He escaped with relatively minor injuries, and he's doing well," said Sam, leading them towards resus. When Karen and Tessa saw him they both ran over to him and gave him a hug.

"Are you OK?" Karen asked anxiously. "What happened?"

"I crashed the car this morning," said Joe. "I'm OK though, just a broken arm and shoulder and a cut on my face. I'm quite lucky, considering that some people involved died."

Karen breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're alright: I don't know what we'd do if we lost you."

Sam smiled at the scene, and then left resus again.

* * *

><p>Sam went back to reception and read the next name off the clipboard: "Mr and Mrs Scott?"<p>

A man and a woman (who Sam assumed were Mr and Mrs Scott) came towards her, followed by a teenage boy.

"I'm Kelly, and this is Jack," said the woman when she got to Sam. "We're Hannah's adoptive parents."

"And I'm Ben, her boyfriend," explained the boy.

"How is she?" Jack asked worriedly.

"She's doing well," said Sam as she walked towards resus. "She only had a fractured ankle and elbow, so she should be fine in no time."

"Oh good," said Kelly. Just then they got to resus, and all three of them ran over to Hannah.

"Hannah, thank God you're OK," said Kelly.

"We've been really worried about you," said Jack, giving her a hug.

"I bought you this," said Ben, handing Hannah a small present. "I hope you like it."

Hannah opened the present carefully. Inside was a beautiful rose quartz bracelet with a heart charm with the letter 'H' on it.

"Aw, I love it, thank you," said Hannah, giving Ben a hug.

Sam felt tears coming to her eyes. Usually that was her and Tom, but now she was on her own. She quickly ran out of resus and into the staffroom.

* * *

><p>When Sam got to the staffroom she unlocked the door and went inside. She then folded her arms on the table and rested her head on them, her shoulders shaking gently as hot, salty tears rolled down her cheeks...<p>

**A/N Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I wanted to get this up before Casualty so it was on waterlooroadfan2012's birthday still! Hope you liked it anyway. Please R&R! :-D**


	16. Can She Take Much More?

**A/N Hello again! I'm not really very tired so I can't sleep, so I'm going to try and tire myself out writing this! Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to Minxheart, Linneagb, sarah4steve, Gillian Kearney Fan, waterlooraodfan2012, CasualtyFanForever81 and Seeaker (finally!) for reviewing! I only need one more review before I get to 100, so somebody, please, review this chapter! :-D**

**waterlooraodfan2012 (and partly everyone else too): Don't feel bad about criticising me. I take on criticism and use it to improve my writing. I feel that Zoe may have been a bit out of character as well, and so I won't do that in the future. If anyone wants to review criticism then I will happily take it on board (although obviously I do prefer praise!). :-)**

A few minutes later Sam heard the staffroom door open and heard someone walking towards her.

"Are you OK, Sam?" the person asked. Fletch.

Sam lifted her head and looked at Fletch. "Yeah, I'm just tired," she lied.

"You look like you've been crying," said Fletch worriedly. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, no, I'm fine," said Sam. She stood up and then walked towards the door. "I'd better get back."

"OK," said Fletch. "Come and find me if you need to."

"OK, I will," said Sam. She smiled at Fletch and then left the staffroom.

* * *

><p>When Sam got outside she had to use all of her willpower not to collapse on the floor in tears. She knew that she wasn't coping, but she was determined not to show it. Before she could think about it she had taken Noel's clipboard and read the next name: "Mr Howard."<p>

A man came running towards her. "Are Debbie and Dani OK?"

Sam began to walk towards resus with him. "Debbie has been unconscious since the crash, and Dani has been vomiting, although we suspect that she was ill before she came in this morning."

Ben nodded. "Yes, I think that Dani had a stomach bug, and Debbie was going to bring her in today for you to have a look at her," he explained.

"OK," said Sam. "Debbie is in here if you want to see her, and then you can go and see Dani, although the stomach bug is very contagious."

"OK," said Ben, and they went into resus together.

Ben immediately rushed over to Debbie's side.

"Debbie?" he said. "Debbie, can you hear me?"

Debbie didn't respond.

"She's unconscious," explained Sam. "We think she might have gone into a coma, but we're not sure."

Ben just sat there, tears coming to his eyes as he looked at Debbie.

"Do you want to see Dani?" Sam asked, breaking the silence. "She hasn't seen you or Debbie since the crash, and she's probably missing you."

"OK," said Ben, and Sam led him out of resus to Dani.

* * *

><p>When they got to the room Dani was in they first put on aprons, masks and gloves so that they didn't catch the illness that everyone in the room had. When they got inside Dani spotted Ben straight away.<p>

"Daddy!" she said excitedly, and smiled weakly.

"Hello Princess," said Ben, going over and giving her a hug. "Are you OK?"

"I'm not feeling very well," said Dani.

"Well the doctors will make you better," said Ben. "I'll stay here as well and hopefully you'll be well soon."

"How's Mummy?" asked Dani.

"She's not very well at the moment either," said Ben, trying not to cry. "But she'll get better soon as well."

"Can I go and see her?" asked Dani.

"When you're better Princess," said Ben, and then the two of them just sat there, enjoying each other's company.

Sam then left the room, taking off her apron, gloves and mask as she did so.

* * *

><p>Sam was on her way to reception when her legs suddenly gave way again. She used the wall to support herself and gently slid her hand down it as she lowered herself to the floor. Tears came to her eyes and she began to cry silently.<p>

_I want Tom to be here,_ she thought to herself. _Why did Zoe have to send him home?_

More and more tears began to run down Sam's cheeks, and she began to shake. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her, and she froze.

"Sam? Are you alright?" Fletch's voice, again.

Sam didn't even turn around before she answered. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said, trying not to let her tears show in her voice.

Fletch bent down and put his hand on her shoulder. "You're not, Sam," he said. "You're sitting on the floor in the middle of a busy ED, there's got to be something wrong."

"My legs keep collapsing and I don't know why," said Sam, more tears coming to her eyes.

"OK, it's alright," said Fletch. He then very gently picked her up and carried her to the staffroom, where he put her on one of the sofas.

"I thought you'd be more comfy in here," he explained.

"Thanks," said Sam. Tears began to roll down her cheeks again and she hid her face.

"What's wrong?" asked Fletch softly.

Sam didn't answer.

"You can tell me," said Fletch.

"Zoe sent Tom home and I need him here!" said Sam, her anger and upset showing through.

"Why do you need him?" Fletch asked.

"Because I'm tired, whenever I go to sleep I have a nightmare and I keep collapsing," Sam explained, even more tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh Sam," said Fletch. "Come here."

He opened his arms and Sam leant forward into them. Tears rolled down her face and she began to shake slightly.

"Shh, it's OK Sam, it's OK," said Fletch as he rocked her gently backwards and forwards.

**A/N Sorry this has taken quite a long time, but my plan at the beginning kept working so I kept falling asleep before I finished it! Also sorry it's quite short, but I'm not feeling very well today and I wanted to just get the chapter up instead of having to work loads on it (and my brain's dying because of the bug so I haven't got many ideas and I didn't want to write loads of rubbish!). Hope you liked it anyway, and please read and review (as I want 100 reviews!). :-D**

**Also, random note here, but recently I've been playing Tam roleplay with people, and it's really fun. If anyone wants to play Tam roleplay (basically where one of us is Sam and the other's Tom and we make up a story (I'm just putting that because when I was first asked to play it I wasn't sure what it was!)) then PM me and I will be very happy to! (If you want to play roleplay with other characters also PM me and I'll play roleplay with them (as I love playing roleplay!).) :-D**


	17. Parents

**A/N Sorry it's been a while, but I had my German exchange and then I went on a practise expedition for my Duke of Edinburgh, so I haven't had any time to write! It's the holidays now and although I'm going to be revising I should also have quite a lot of spare time, which I'll use to write! :-D**

**Thanks to lilangel1, sarah4steve, waterlooraodfan2012, k.c (it won't let me put your full username), CasualtyFanForever81, Gillian Kearney Fan, casualtyfan8 and Linneagb for reviewing! I now have over 100 reviews in only 16 chapters! YAY! :-D**

After a few minutes Sam pulled herself out of the hug.

"You OK?" asked Fletch.

"I'm better," said Sam. She wasn't happy still, but she didn't feel like collapsing in a heap and letting the ground swallow her up anymore.

"Are you OK to work?" Fletch asked.

"Even if I'm not Zoe's going to make me," said Sam. She stood up, making sure her legs were stable, before she began to walk out of the staffroom. When she got to the door she turned around. "Thanks, Fletch."

"You're welcome," said Fletch. "And remember what I said earlier: if you need help, come and find me; don't struggle on your own."

"OK, I will," said Sam.

"Good," said Fletch. He glanced up at the staffroom clock. "I'd better get back to work before Zoe finds out!"

"Me too!" said Sam. "See you later, Fletch."

With that Sam left the staffroom, and once again headed out into the busy ED.

* * *

><p>Once Sam got into the ED she felt her knees buckle, and it took all of her strength just to stay standing. She knew that she should get Fletch, because he'd said he'd help her, but she couldn't just go running to him all the time; she had to cope by herself. She took a deep breath, went to reception and read out the next name from Noel's clipboard: "Thorn Smith."<p>

A boy of about 17 came towards her. "Is Willow alright?" he asked.

"Yes, she's doing well," Sam replied. "If you follow me you can go and see her."

Sam began to walk towards resus and Thorn followed.

"She had some minor cuts to her face and a broken ankle, but apart from that she's fine," said Sam as they walked. "Oh, and her mother was killed in the crash, so she's quite upset."

"Oh God," said Thorn. "I need to go and see her."

They reached resus and as soon as Thorn saw Willow he ran to her and enveloped her in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're safe!" said Thorn.

"I am, b-b-but..." Willow broke off as her eyes filled with tears.

"I know, the doctor told me," said Thorn. "We'll get through this though, I promise."

Sam just stood there, watching. That would usually be her and Tom. Tom being relieved that she was safe. Tom telling her that everything would be alright. Tom telling her that they'd get through whatever had happened. She turned around, wishing that he was there, but instead caught Fletch's eye. She saw him smile at her reassuringly and she gave him a small smile back. She then turned away from him and left resus, ready to get the next relative from reception.

* * *

><p>When she got to reception it was pretty much empty: most people had already gone to see their relatives. She asked Noel for his clipboard again and read out the second to last name on the clipboard: "Mrs Michaels."<p>

A woman came rushing towards her. "Where's Gilbert? Is he OK?" she asked anxiously.

"He's OK, although I think he'll be happier once you get there," said Sam. "If you follow you can go and see him."

"What happened to him?" asked Mrs Michaels.

"He broke his arm and both of his legs, but he should recover completely," said Sam.

"Thank goodness, I've been so worried about him," said Mrs Michaels. She then realised she hadn't introduced herself properly. "I'm Maura, Maura Michaels."

"Doctor Nicholls, but you can call me Sam," said Sam. At this point they reached resus, and Sam opened the door to show Maura to Gilbert.

When Maura saw Gilbert she ran up to him.

"Hello Gilbert," she said.

"Mummy!" said Gilbert, and he gave his mum a hug.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"My arm and legs hurt, but the nice nurses have been making me feel better," explained Gilbert.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," said Maura, smiling first and Gilbert and then flashing a 'thank you' smile at Robyn and Jamie for looking after him.

"He's been very well behaved hasn't he, Jamie?" said Robyn.

"Yes, he has," said Jamie. "He also knows a lot about cars."

"Yes, Gilbert loves his cars," said Maura. "You've got a whole collection of them haven't you, Gilbert?"

"Yes, I've got models, posters, information cards and loads of other things," said Gilbert. "I know everything about cars!"

"How do you remember it all?" asked Robyn.

Gilbert shrugged his shoulders.

Sam stood there watching as they were talking. Listening to Gilbert talk about cars was a welcome distraction from everything that had been going on lately, and she wished that she could just stand there forever. Unfortunately though, she had to go back to reception and pick up any other relatives that were waiting there.

"I'll leave you to it," she said, before she left resus.

* * *

><p>When she got back to reception she took Noel's clipboard off him and read out the last name: "Alex Thompson."<p>

A man of about 19 or 20 came towards her.

"How's Kayla? Is she OK?" Alex asked anxiously, worried for his girlfriend.

"She's got possible spinal damage, and her family were killed in the crash," said Sam sadly. "She's going to need you."

"Where is she?" Alex asked.

"Follow me and I'll take her to you," said Sam, and began leading Alex towards resus.

* * *

><p>When they got to resus Alex ran over to Kayla and gave her a hug.<p>

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"The doctors said I've broken my back," said Kayla, tears coming to my eyes. "And, m-m-my f-f-f..."

"I know, the doctor told me," said Alex. "Don't worry, you still have me. I won't leave you."

"Tears had begun to roll down Kayla's cheeks, and Aled hugged her even tighter.

"I wish they were still alive," Kayla said between sobs.

"I know, I know you do," said Alex, trying to comfort her.

Kayla began to cry even more, and Alex looked at Sam for help.

Sam came and sat down on the edge of the bed. "My mum's dead as well."

Kayla looked at her. "Is she?"

"Yeah, she died when I was eight," said Sam, a few tears coming to her eyes. "I was like you, grieving. It was hard, and all anyone seemed to do was tell me that it was going to be alright."

"And this is supposed to help by?" asked Kayla.

"They were right," Sam stated simply. "After time, things began to get better. I no longer broke down crying every time someone mentioned my mum, I was happier generally. Yes, sometimes I do still cry about my mum, but not nearly as often. I'll never forget her, but I don't have to be sad. And the same applies to you."

"Does it?" asked Kayla through her tears.

"Yes, it does," said Sam. "And I'm sure that Alex will be with you every step of the way."

"Of course I will," said Alex.

Suddenly it hit Sam. When her mum died she was left to struggle on her own. She had no one to help her. The only other person in her family had been her dad, who had abused her from a very young age, and begun to abuse her more after her mum's death, so she had had no one to turn to.

With that thought she got off the bed and ran out of resus, hoping to find the person she needed: Fletch.

* * *

><p>Sam ran into the staffroom, where Fletch was sat at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. He turned around when he heard the door open.<p>

"Sam, are you..." He stopped when he saw her face, tears running down her pale cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"I-I-I..." She trailed off as she realised that she couldn't put the thoughts in her head into words.

"You what?" asked Fletch softly, coming towards her.

Sam just stood there, before whispering: "I need a hug."

Fletch didn't reply, instead he enveloped her in a hug, holding her close as she began to sob.

* * *

><p>A few minutes Sam was still sobbing, and Fletch decided he needed to ask why. "What's wrong?"<p>

"M-M-My m-m-mum d-d-died," she stuttered.

"What, in the crash?" Fletch asked.

"No, when I was eight," said Sam.

"Why are you so upset now then?" asked Fletch, confused.

"Because I was telling a patient about it just now," said Sam. "Her family died in the car crash, and I was trying to say something that would make her feel better. It worked, but..."

"But it made you feel worse?" said Fletch. Sam nodded.

"I thought I'd got over it, but I haven't," said Sam.

"Why not?" asked Fletch. "Surely the rest of your family helped you get over it when it happened?"

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

At Fletch's words I dropped to the floor and began to sob even more, my body shaking violently with each one.

"Sam, Sam, I didn't mean to upset you that much," said Fletch. "What did I say that was wrong?"

"My family didn't help me," I said between sobs. "There was only my dad, and h-h-he..."

I trailed off, not able to say what my dad had done to me.

Fletch gently put his hand on my shoulder. "What did he do to you?"

I began to quietly scream as images came into my head, and Fletch pulled me into a tight hug.

"Shh, it's alright, it's OK, I've got you, you're safe," Fletch whispered.

"H-H-He a-a-abused m-m-me," I stuttered as my body began to shake even more.

"For how long?" asked Fletch softly, trying to hold my shaking body still.

"Thirteen years," I replied quietly. "From when I was three to when I was sixteen."

Fletch didn't say anything: he was obviously in shock. I felt something wet land on my shoulder and looked up to see a few tears slipping out of Fletch's eyes.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked.

"I couldn't," I said.

"Why not?" Fletch asked softly.

"H-H-He th-th-threatened m-m-me," I stuttered.

"How?" Fletch asked me.

"H-H-He..." I trailed off. "I shouldn't be telling you all this, it's not fair." I began to stand up but Fletch stopped me.

"Sam, I don't mind," said Fletch. "I want to help you."

"No, I can't," I said. I then lowered my voice. "I haven't even told Tom yet."

Fletch sighed. "I thought you might have kept this to yourself."

"I couldn't tell anyone though," I said.

Fletch looked at me seriously. "What did your dad say to you that mean that you couldn't tell anyone?"

"H-H-He s-s-said..." I trailed off again: I couldn't say the word.

"He said what?" asked Fletch.

"H-H-He s-s-said th-th-that h-h-he'd r-r-r-r-r-r..." I couldn't say anymore as tears began to roll down my cheeks again and I buried my head in Fletch's chest.

"Rape you?" asked Fletch softly.

I nodded.

"How old were you when he said that?" he asked.

"Eight," I replied.

My body then began to shake, and I felt Fletch's grip on me tighten as he tried to hold me still.

"Shh, Sam, it's OK," he said.

I tried to relax my muscles, but I continued to shake. I held Fletch tighter with every shake, trying to stop them.

"Should I get Tom?" he asked softly.

"He's not allowed," I said.

"Sam, I don't care about that," said Fletch. "You obviously need him, so let me call him and he can come, yeah?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, and realised that Fletch was right. "OK."

Fletch got out his phone and found Tom's number. He then pressed it and held the phone to his ear, waiting for Tom to pick up.

After two rings Tom picked up his mobile. "Fletch?"

"Yeah, Tom, it's me," said Fletch, still holding my shaking body close.

"Can you put it on speaker?" I asked quietly.

"Of course I can," Fletch smiled at me. He pressed a button and put the phone on loud speaker.

"Fletch?" asked Tom. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," said Fletch.

"Why did you call?" asked Tom. "Is Sam alright?"

Before Fletch could answer, I interrupted. "Not really."

"Sam?" asked Tom. "Is that you?"

"Yes," I said in a quiet voice.

"What's wrong?" asked Tom.

I looked at Fletch to tell him.

"She's upset about her mum's death and she needs you," explained Fletch.

"Why?" asked Tom.

"I'll explain when you get here," said Fletch.

"What do you mean, 'when I get here'?" asked Tom. "You do realise Zoe sent me home for the day?"

A few tears began to form in my eyes, but Fletch wasn't ready to give up.

"Tom, who did you care about most?" asked Fletch. "Sam or Zoe?"

"Sam obviously!" said Tom.

"Then come to the ED and help her!" said Fletch. "She needs you, Tom."

"I don't want Zoe to have another go at me though!" said Tom.

"Please, Tom," I pleaded.

Tom sighed. "OK," he said. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"OK, see you in fifteen minutes," said Fletch. "I'll make sure you're not spotted when you arrive."

"OK, thanks," said Tom. "Bye."

"Bye," said Fletch.

"Bye, Tom," I said, and Fletch ended the call. He put the phone in his pocket and then we sat there a few minutes, waiting for the time to pass...

**A/N Sorry about the cliffhanger, but it seemed like a good place to end the chapter. If you want to know more about Sam being abused in her childhood I'm writing a new story called 'Why I Signed Up' which is about why Sam joined the army (because of the abusive childhood she had). Please read and review! :-D**


	18. Talking

**A/N I have some spare time so I thought I'd update again! Hope you like the chapter! :-D**

**Thanks to waterlooraodfan2012, Gillian Kearney Fan, sarah4steve, Minxheart, perpetualpathology and CasualtyFanForever81 for reviewing! All the reviews make me smile, so keep them coming guys! :-D**

**Also, sorry if this chapter is quite sad, but I wanted to reveal the real Sam Nicholls that we hardly ever get to see. It will get happier soon though, I promise! :-)**

Normal POV

After ten minutes had passed Fletch got up.

"I'd better go and check no one sees him," he said, leaving Sam on the floor.

"OK," said Sam. "Don't take too long."

"I'll try not to," said Fletch, and he left the staffroom to go and get Tom.

* * *

><p>A couple of minutes later a taxi pulled up and Tom got out. Fletch saw him and walked over.<p>

"Where's Sam?" asked Tom anxiously. "Is she alright?"

"She's not great, but I'm sure she'll be fine once you get in there," said Fletch. He turned around, checking that the coast was clear. "Right, if I walk in, you follow me, and hopefully no one will notice."

"OK," said Tom. "And if they do?"

"We go and make a plan B," said Fletch. "We won't give up that easily."

"No, we won't," said Tom, and then he and Fletch began to walk into the ED.

* * *

><p>They managed to get through the ED without any problems (as no one was watching them), and then they unlocked the staffroom door and went inside as quickly as possible.<p>

"Sam?" Tom asked the huddled figure on the floor. "Are you OK?"

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

As soon as I heard my name I looked up, and saw Tom standing there, looking at me in concern.

"Tom!" I said happily, and tried to get up to hug him. Unfortunately, as I did so my legs collapsed again, and I crumpled to the floor. It was only a few seconds though before I felt Tom's arms embrace me, holding me tight against his body.

"Thank you," I said, burying my head into his chest.

"For what?" asked Tom.

"For being here," I replied. "You didn't have to come, but you did anyway..."

I was silenced by Tom's lips on mine.

"I did have to come, Sam," he said after we pulled apart. "I love you: it's my job to care for you."

I felt tears running down my cheeks, and I hugged Tom tightly. He did the same back.

"Shh, it's OK, it's alright," said Tom as he held me close. "I've got you, it's OK."

I snuggled into him, my body beginning to shake slightly. He took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, showing me that everything was going to be alright.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"M-M-My m-m-mum d-d-died," I stuttered, my body beginning to shake even more.

I felt Tom's grip on me tighten as he tried to keep me still. "What, in the crash?"

I was having the exact same conversation as I'd had with Fletch earlier, and didn't know if I could say it all again. "No, when I was eight."

"Why are you so upset about it now then?" asked Tom, obviously confused.

I looked at Fletch pleadingly, and he seemed to understand.

"She was telling a patient about it earlier, because her family had died in the car crash," Fletch explained. "It made her happier, but it made Sam feel worse."

"Oh," said Tom. "Why did it make you so upset? I know you'd never forget something like that, but wouldn't you have got over it by now?"

"I thought I had, but obviously not," I said. I tried to prepare myself for what was coming next, even though I knew I'd never manage.

"Didn't your family help you?" he asked. "I mean, didn't they help you get over it when it happened?"

My reaction shocked everyone, even myself. I went from crying quietly and shaking slightly to sobbing uncontrollably, my body shaking violently with every sob, and struggling to get oxygen in.

"Whoa, Sam, shh, it's OK, it's alright," said Tom as he pulled me closer to him, trying desperately to hold me still. I could feel him shaking with my shakes as he tried to stop them. I suddenly realised that if I was like this any longer, we'd be discovered. I knew there was no hope of calming myself down quickly (and possibly not even slowly), so there was only one more option...

"Lock... the... door..." I said between rapid breaths.

"Sam, if we do that, people will get suspicious..." Fletch began.

"Please... Fletch..." I said, still struggling to breathe. "They... can't... come... in... here... No... one... can..."

Fletch looked at me before going over to the door and locking it. Meanwhile Tom concentrated on me.

"Sam, take some deep breaths for me," he said. "In, and out. In, and out."

I tried to copy him but it wasn't working. Every time I tried to take a deep breath my lungs forced the air out again.

"Sam, it's OK, there's no need to panic," said Tom softly. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

I gripped Tom tightly as I continued to struggle to breathe, hoping he would get the message.

"Sam," he wheezed. "I can't... breathe."

"Hold... me... tighter..." I said. Instantly I felt Tom's grip on me tighten, not so much that I couldn't breathe (even though I was already having difficulties with that), but tight enough so that I felt safe, like nothing was going to get me. We sat there for a few minutes, and eventually my breathing began to slow, my shaking got less violent and my sobs lessened.

"Are you OK now?" Tom asked me as he felt my body relax.

"I'm better," I said.

"Sam," Tom began cautiously, "what happened for you to end up like this?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You just had a panic attack Sam, you were shaking so badly that I began to shake just by holding you, and you created a puddle with your tears," he said, gesturing to the front of his shirt that was now dark green. "That's not you. What's going on?"

I took a deep, yet shaky, breath, and then began to explain: "My family didn't help me at all when Mum died. There was only my Dad, and he, h-h-he..."

I trailed off, not wanting to have to explain it again. Fletch looked like he was about to explain for me, but I shot him a look that told him not to: I had to tell Tom myself.

"H-H-He a-a-abused m-m-me," I stuttered.

"Oh Sam," said Tom. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I knew that this was coming as well, so I took another deep breath before I answered. "H-H-He th-th-threatened m-m-me."

"How?" Tom asked softly.

"H-H-He s-s-said th-th-that h-h-he'd, th-th-that h-h-he'd r-r-r, h-h-he'd r-r-r-r-r-r..." I trailed off, my body beginning to shake again, and hugged Tom tightly. He hugged me tightly back.

"Did he say he'd rape you?" asked Tom softly. I nodded.

"Did he tell you that when your mum died?" he asked.

I nodded again. "A few days after. When my mum died Dad blamed me, although it was all my fault..."

Tom cut me off. "No, Sam, it was _not_ your fault."

"It was," I said, tears coming to my eyes again. "She died in a fire and I caused it. Dad wouldn't forgive me, no matter how much I apologised, and he began to abuse me even more."

Images came into my head and I began to quietly scream. Tom must have noticed this as he hugged me tighter.

"Shh, Sam, it's OK, he can't get you now," said Tom, rubbing my back in an attempt to calm me.

"He began to hurt me more and more, and eventually I'd had enough," I said. "I told him that if he did something else to me I'd call the police, and then he said... Well, you know what he said, and then he shoved me into the work surface. I fell unconscious, and I knew that he would carry out his threat. That's why I didn't tell anyone."

I began to shake and cry again, and Tom held me tightly. Thankfully though, this time I could still breathe.

And that's when the fire alarm went off...

**A/N Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I just had a really good idea and couldn't resist it! Hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway! Please read and review! :-D**


	19. Fire!

**A/N I'm on a break from my revision and I'm bored so I thought I'd update again (and this idea has been going round and round my head since I last updated!). Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to lilangel1, sarah4steve, GottaLoveALatte, CasualtyFanForever81, Linneagb and waterlooraodfan2012 for reviewing! Reviews make me so happy!**

**Also, sorry if any medical information is incorrect (mainly later on), but as I said earlier, I'm not a doctor!**

Sam POV

At the sound of the fire alarm my breathing rapidly increased again, and Tom desperately tried to calm me down.

"Shh, Sam, it's OK, you're going to be alright," he said.

"Not... if... the... fire... comes... in... here..." I said between rapid breaths.

"I'll get you out before that, I promise," said Tom. "Just try and take some deep breaths."

"But... if... you... help... me... Zoe... will... notice..." I stated.

"Sam, I don't care about Zoe," said Tom, holding me close. "I care about you."

I gripped Tom tightly as tears began to stream down my cheeks. I could still hear the fire alarm outside, and it was bringing back memories that I really didn't want to have to relive.

"Shh, Sam, it's alright," said Tom. He kissed the top of my head, and then began to stand up. "Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you?"

"I... think... I'll... be... OK... walking..." I said, still breathing rapidly. I tried to stand up, but as soon as I put weight onto my legs they collapsed, and I ended up back on the floor.

"Are you alright?" asked Tom, seeing me fall to the floor.

"I... can't... stand... up..." I said.

I then felt Tom's comforting arms wrap around my body and gently lift me off the ground.

"You OK?" he asked.

I nodded, my breathing still to rapid for me to do much else.

"OK," said Tom. "I'll get you out, and then I'll help you control your breathing, alright?"

"Just... go..." I said.

"OK," said Tom. He ran out of the staffroom with me (Fletch following us after he'd unlocked the door), through reception and then out of the ED.

When we got outside it was worse than I ever could have imagined. There was a patient on a stretcher who had just come out of the ambulance and there was a crowd of people surrounding them, all screaming and shouting. I gripped Tom's scrub top tightly and buried my face in his chest. I then covered my ears and began to shake slightly.

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

I looked down at Sam, who obviously wasn't coping. I knew it was the fire alarm and all the people screaming, and I also knew that I had to stop it. I then saw someone near me holding a megaphone, so I grabbed it (being careful not to drop Sam in the process), said a quick "Sorry" to Sam, held the megaphone to my mouth and got ready to shout:

"QUIET!" I yelled.

Everyone immediately fell silent, and all I could hear was Sam's whimpering through her rapid breaths.

"Right, could everyone back off please, as there's a fire in the ED," I said, still using the megaphone.

Suddenly a group of people began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You actually think the hospital's on fire?" a boy asked through giggles.

"Yes, I do," I said. "Do you have any reason to believe it's not?"

"Because we set off the fire alarm as a joke!" said another boy. "Everyone knows that fires are funny!"

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

At the boy's words my breathing sped up dramatically (even though it was always fast), and I began to gasp for air. I felt Tom go down to the floor, where he put me gently down on the ground and held me close.

"Sam, try and breathe for me," he said. "The boy didn't mean it; fires aren't funny."

I wanted to say "I know", but my breathing was too fast for that, so instead I just nodded.

"Oh, can't the poor doctor cope?" jeered one of the boys. "Does she need someone to give her a hug?"

Tom went to get up, but I stopped him, holding onto his scrub top. "Tom... ... don't... ..."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to go," he said. He then looked at the boys. "If you don't stop now I'm going to get security."

"Oh no, I'm so scared!" said one of the boys sarcastically. "How are you going to get security if you're looking after Doctor Wimp over there?"

I felt Tom's grip on me tighten, as if he was trying to protect me. "Her mother died in a fire when she was eight, so show a little respect please!"

The boys looked at me for a minute, shocked.

"Oh God, we're so sorry," said one of them. "We didn't realise."

"It's a bit late for that don't you think?" said Tom.

"What can we do to help?" asked another.

Tom looked at me, and looked at my heaving chest as I struggled to get oxygen in. I also had tears running down my cheeks and I was shaking quite badly.

"Ox... ..." I struggled to speak. "Ox... ..." I repeated it, hoping Tom would get the message.

Thankfully he did. "Go inside and get some oxygen," he instructed. "Oh, and get the fire alarm turned off."

"OK," said two of the boys. They both ran inside and a minute later the fire alarm stopped. My breathing was still as rapid as before, and I felt I was going to pass out any second.

"Tom... ..." I said, struggling to get the words out. "I... ... think... ... I'm... ... go...ing... ... to... ... faint... ..."

"OK, it's alright," said Tom. "The oxygen will be here soon, and even if you do pass out I'll make sure you're alright, OK?"

I nodded, too oxygen-deprived to do anything else.

Suddenly both of the boys came back with the oxygen and handed it to Tom. "Here you go."

"Thanks," said Tom, taking it. "It's going to be alright, Sam."

I nodded, and then fell unconscious as Tom put the mask over my face...

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

I watched as Sam's eyes closed, and she slipped into unconsciousness. I then gently picked her up and ran into resus, bumping into several people on the way.

"Tom?!" said Zoe as she saw me rush into resus and lay Sam on a bed. "What are you doing here?"

"Fletch called to say that Sam needed me, so I came," I explained.

"What happened to her?" Zoe asked, getting over her shock and going into doctor mode.

"She had a panic attack and couldn't get any oxygen into her lungs," I explained. "I got some oxygen but she passed out just as I was putting the mask on."

"OK," said Zoe. "I think we need to intubate."

"OK," I said. I got the equipment and quickly began to procedure.

"Tube," I said, and someone handed it to me. I quickly inserted it into Sam's throat.

"Bag," I said, and someone passed me that as well. I began to pump oxygen into Sam's lungs, glad that she was now in hospital.

Zoe hooked her up to a machine that showed we had an output. "Good work Tom," she said.

I smiled, glad that Sam was going to be alright. "Thanks."

"Sam will be proud of you for that," said Zoe. "She's amazing at intubation."

I smiled as I remembered the time in the staffroom I had called Sam 'The Queen of Intubation'. A few tears came to my eyes as I wished we could be like that again.

"Come on Sam, wake up," I whispered, as I sat down on a chair next to her bed and held her hand.

Suddenly, without warning, Sam's body lurched forward and she began to cough violently. I got up quickly, pulled the intubation equipment out of her mouth (as I didn't want her to choke on it), and put an oxygen mask on her face instead. I then held her still whilst she struggled to breathe.

"It's alright, Sam, I'm here," I said.

After a few moments the coughing fit subsided, and I gently lay Sam back down, before I sat the bed up slightly.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

Sam took a few deep breaths before replying. "Yeah, thanks."

"No worries," I said. "I'm just glad you're alright: you gave us quite a scare just now!"

"I'm sorry," said Sam.

"No, don't apologise, it wasn't your fault," I said.

Tears began to roll down Sam's cheeks, and I pulled her into a hug.

"Shh, it's OK, it's alright" I said, rubbing her back as I tried to calm her down.

Sam rested her head on my chest and I held her tight as she began to shake slightly.

Zoe then came over. "Oh, Sam, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling OK now," said Sam.

"Good," said Zoe. "I'd like to keep you in for a bit, but then you can go home."

"OK, thanks," said Sam.

"You're welcome," said Zoe. She turned to leave, and then paused. "You might want to thank Tom, he did the intubating. He's nearly as good as you!"

"Thanks, Tom," said Sam. "And thanks, Zoe."

"You've saved many lives with your skills," said Zoe, and then left.

Sam smiled: Zoe was obviously trying to apologise for earlier, and it had worked. She relaxed back into my arms and let out a small sigh.

I got off the chair and Sam rested her head on the pillow. "Wait a sec," I said. I put my hand into my pocket and got out a box. I then got on one knee and opened the box in front of me. "Samantha Nicholls, will you marry me?"

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

I looked at Tom as he got on one knee, and gasped at the ring.

"Samantha Nicholls, will you marry me?" he asked.

I went into shock. Did Tom just ask me to marry him? I blinked a few times and Tom was still there, waiting for an answer.

"Yes," I said quietly. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

Tom stared at me, and then got off the floor and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Tom, can't breathe," I said, wheezing slightly.

"Oh, sorry," said Tom. We both laughed, and then he pulled me into a (slightly less tight) hug again.

I leant up and began to kiss him passionately on the lips, which he returned.

Tom then pulled away, got the ring out of it's box, and slipped it onto my finger. It fitted perfectly. I looked at it for a moment. It was a silver ring, with a diamond set in the middle of it. It was simple, just how I liked things, and it was perfect. I kissed him again.

Zoe then came over. "Get a room you two!" she said.

We both looked at her and blushed slightly. "Sorry Zoe," we said together, and then laughed.

"What's made you two so happy?" asked Zoe, confused. "A minute ago Tom was crying because you were lying there unconscious."

"Me and Tom just got engaged!" I squealed excitedly.

"What, just now?" asked Zoe, and I nodded excitedly. "In a hospital?"

"Well it is where we both met," I said, and Zoe smiled.

"Congratulations," said Zoe.

"Thanks," I smiled, and then Zoe left again.

I leant up and kissed Tom again, and he hugged me tight, kissing me passionately on the lips. Just then, our baby, our little girl that was growing inside me, began to kick. Not hard like she had been doing (which hurt), but softly, so I could only just feel her through my skin.

"She's kicking, Tom!" I said, and he smiled before deepening the kiss further.

It was then that I knew that, no matter how bad things were, I would always have Tom and our little baby.

**A/N Bet you weren't expecting that were you?! I just thought I'd introduce some better romance, because there hasn't been any kissing so far! Unfortunately, I was planning on doing this later, which means that I'm now stuck and need to get back to where I was! I'm sure I'll manage somehow though (although if anyone has any good ideas they'll be more than welcome!). Please R&R! :-D**


	20. Names, and the Dream

**A/N On another break from revision and not feeling too great so I thought I'd write this to cheer me up (as I've been looking forward to this chapter for ages!). Hope you enjoy reading it as I will writing it!**

**Thanks to sarah4steve, CasualtyFanForever81, lilangel1, waterlooraodfan2012 and Minxheart for reviewing! They made me so happy! :-D**

**Also (not for this chapter), but I need to thank Gillian Kearney Fan for helping me to generate (and giving me some) ideas for this FanFic through roleplay. This wouldn't be nearly as good without her, so thank you Gillian Kearney Fan! :-D**

**Last note (before I let you get on with actually reading the chapter!), because Sam and Tom have left 'Casualty' I'm not seeing much of them anymore (apart from the few YouTube videos that the BBC haven't blocked yet), so if they start to go out of character than I'm very sorry (as I'm finding I'm struggling to write some of this at times). :-(**

Normal POV

After a few hours Zoe said that Sam and Tom could go home. They signed the relevant paperwork and then left the ED hand in hand.

"What do you fancy doing tonight?" asked Tom as they got into the car.

"How about a takeaway and then we discuss baby names?" suggested Sam.

"Sounds like a good idea to me!" said Tom, and then he began to drive.

* * *

><p>When they got home Tom unlocked the front door and then Sam sat on the sofa whilst he went to the kitchen to get the takeaway menus.<p>

"What do you want?" asked Tom.

"Um, can I have chicken nuggets and chips from the fish and chip shop?" asked Sam.

"Of course you can," said Tom, but the he paused. "Wait a minute, did you say chicken nuggets? You hate them!"

Sam looked down at the floor, embarrassed.

"Is this a craving because of the baby?" Tom asked, and Sam nodded.

"Well, if the baby wants it the baby can have it!" said Tom jokily, before he went to go and order the food.

* * *

><p>About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. Tom got off the sofa and went to answer it. It was the delivery man from the fish and chip shop.<p>

"Oh, hi," said Tom, getting out his wallet. "How much?"

"£10 please," said the man, and Tom handed him a £10 note.

"Thank you," said the delivery man. "Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you," said Tom, taking the food and then closing the door as the delivery man left.

"Food's here!" said Tom, and Sam smiled: she was hungry!

* * *

><p>When Tom had put the food onto plates in the kitchen he walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa, handing Sam's plate to her as he did so.<p>

"Mm, thanks," said Sam, taking the plate and placing a chip in her mouth.

"You're welcome," said Tom, as he too began to eat.

* * *

><p>As they were eating Sam and Tom began to discuss baby names.<p>

"What names do you like?" asked Sam.

"I don't know," replied Tom honestly. "I only ever thought about boy names, not girl names."

"That's a bit unfortunate seeing as we're having a girl!" said Sam, laughing slightly.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't expect boys or men to think about girls' names that they liked, no more than you would expect girls or women to think about boys' names they liked," Tom pointed out.

"That's true," said Sam.

"What names do you like?" asked Tom.

"I've always liked Ellen and Elizabeth for some reason," said Sam. "I don't know why; they just seem nice."

"Well, I prefer Ellen, so how about Ellen Elizabeth Kent?" asked Tom.

"Yeah, I like that," said Sam.

"Well that was easy!" said Tom.

"Yeah, it was actually," said Sam. "Just out of interest, what would you call her if she was a boy?"

"Um, probably Jasper," said Tom. "Jasper Finley Kent."

"I like that," said Sam.

"Well, if we ever want to have another one and they're a boy, we'll call them that," said Tom.

"Another baby?" said Sam. "I don't think I could cope doing all this again!"

Sam and Tom laughed, and then continued to eat.

* * *

><p>After they had eaten Tom cleared away the plates and then got out a selection of DVDs on the coffee table.<p>

"Come on, pick one," said Tom.

"Um, can we watch this?" asked Sam, picking up 'Mamma Mia'.

"If you want," said Tom, putting the disc into the DVD player.

"Before you start it, could I quickly go and get changed?" asked Sam. "I'll be too tired after the film."

"Sure," said Tom, and Sam went upstairs. She came back down in loose fitting pyjamas (as it was the 1st July) and then sat back down on the sofa. Tom then pressed play on the DVD player and cuddled up to Sam to watch the film.

* * *

><p>When the film had finished Tom stopped it and put the disc back in it's case. He then turned to Sam who was falling asleep.<p>

"Come on, sleepyhead, let's get you to bed," said Tom. He gently picked her up off the sofa and laid her on the bed. He then got changed into some pyjamas himself and then snuggled under the duvet, cuddling up to Sam.

"Night night," he whispered, as he and Sam drifted off to sleep...

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

_I was standing in a room filled with desks. It looked a bit like my old science lab at school. Me and Tom were standing at the front, looking at all the children sitting on the stools. Just then, a girl of about five or six walked in and sat on an empty stool._

_"What's your name?" I asked._

_"I don't have one," said the girl._

_"Well, we'll call you Ellen then," I said. I then realised that this must be Ellen my child, but I didn't say anything else._

_"I don't want to be called Ellen," said the girl adamantly._

_"Well that's your name, so you have to be called Ellen," I argued._

_"But I don't want to be," said the girl._

_I sighed. "OK then, I'll call you Elizabeth." That would have been her middle name, but if she really didn't want to be called Ellen then I suppose we'd have to call her Elizabeth._

_"But I don't want to be called Elizabeth either," said the girl._

_"But that's your name so you are," I said._

_"But I don't want to be!" said the girl._

_"You're called Elizabeth and that's it!" I said. The girl decided not to argue any further._

_We then began to walk out of the room._

_"What's my name again?" asked the girl._

_"Elizabeth," I said._

_"I don't like that name," she said._

_"That's your name though," I said._

_"What was it again?" she asked._

_"Elizabeth," I repeated._

_"I don't want to be called Elizabeth though," she said._

_"Well you are and that's it!" I said._

_We went on like this for a bit, and then the girl did something that surprised me._

_"I'm Evie!" she suddenly blurted out as we were walking along. "My name's Evie!"_

_"No it's not: you're Elizabeth," I said, confused as to why she thought her name was Evie._

_"I'm Evie! I'm Evie!" she said. "I'm Ellie...! No! I'm Evie! I'm Evie! I'm Evie!"_

_"No, you're Elizabeth," I said._

_"I'm not, I'm Evie!" said the girl._

_This carried on for a while, the girl insisting that her name was Evie and me trying to convince her that it wasn't. I was confused, but all I could hear was her repeating: "I'm Evie! I'm Evie! I'm Evie! I'm Ellie...! No! I'm Evie! I'm Evie! I'm definitely Evie! I'm Evie! I'm Evie! I'm Evie!"..._

* * *

><p>I woke up and sat up suddenly. "Evie," I said quietly.<p>

"What?" asked Tom, who had obviously just woken up.

"Evie," I repeated. "Our girl wants to be called Evie."

I sat there, thinking about the dream, until Tom pulled me from my thoughts.

"What do you mean, she wants to be called Evie?" asked Tom, confusion written all over his face. "She could hardly have told you that!"

"But she did," I said, and then began to explain about the dream...

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

"So I think we should call her Evie Ellie Kent," Sam finished a few minutes later.

Tom just sat there, shocked.

"Tom?" asked Sam worriedly.

"Yeah?" answered Tom, snapping back into reality.

"What do you think?" Sam asked.

"Well, I would say she should be called Ellen Elizabeth Kent, as that's what we agreed," said Tom.

"But?" asked Sam anxiously.

"It's obvious that she completely hates that name so we'd be much safer calling her Evie Ellie Kent," said Tom. "We'll never hear the end of it if we don't!"

Sam laughed, and then pulled Tom into a tight hug. "Thank you."

"For what?" asked Tom confusedly.

"For letting Evie have her name," she said. Just then, she felt Evie kick gently. "I think she says thank you as well!"

"No problem," said Tom, resting his hands on Sam's bump. "No problem at all, Evie."

**A/N Hope you enjoyed it! Btw, I didn't make the dream up, it actually happened to me (although I was Evie, I wasn't pregnant and the people at the front of the room weren't Sam and Tom. Apart from that it was all the same!). (Although it was slightly weird seeing as my first and middle names are Rachael Heather and no one has ever considered calling me Ellen, Elizabeth, Evie or Ellie!) Please R&R! :-D**


	21. The Letter

**A/N I know I haven't updated this for ages, and I'm sorry about that. :-( I've been quite busy, with my Duke of Edinburgh expedition (which I passed! :-D), exams (which are horrible, especially because of all the revision :-( ), and just life in general. Hopefully now I'm doing this I can start updating a bit quicker (as I have loads of ideas for later on in the story which I'm desperate to write!). Hope you enjoy the chapter and that it was worth the wait (although this chapter is going to be sad so enjoy probably isn't the right word!)! :-D**

**Thanks to CasualtyFanForever81, lilangel1, cooper1eddie2, waterlooraodfan2012, Gillian Kearney Fan, Minxheart and Angel2021 for reviewing! They made me so happy (especially Angel2021 re-reveiwing chapter 14, that made me laugh so much!). :-D**

Sam POV

Seeing as it was only about 6:00 in the morning, and we didn't have to be in the ED until 1:00, Tom decided to go back to sleep after I'd told him about the dream. I would have done the same, except I couldn't. I was now thinking seriously about being a mother, which was bringing memories of my own mum back, memories I really didn't want to have to relive, especially not now. At 7:00, after an hour of lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I decided to put my thoughts on paper, in the form of a letter, to my mum. I sat down at the small desk in our bedroom (as, as it was summer, it was light), got out a pen and paper, and began to write:

_Dear Mum,_

_I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that, but I know I'll never be able to, because you're gone. And I'm the one that killed you. I wish I hadn't been so stupid, because then you'd still be here. You'd still be laughing with me when I was happy, cheering me up when I was sad, protecting me from Dad... But you're not. Instead you're gone, somewhere. I would say where, but I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know, and that scares me. I need you, Mum, I really do. When I was little you were the only person who was nice to me. You played along with my lies at the hospital, you protected me from Dad when I got home, you helped me through my panic attacks... And what did I do? I killed you! I killed you! If only I hadn't have left that kitchen roll over the toaster, then it wouldn't have caught fire, and you'd be fine. Sometimes, and I know I shouldn't, I wish I'd died instead of you, or died with you. That's how much I miss you. When I joined the army, just to get away from Dad, that was the one thing that kept me from being scared of dying: the fact that I would get to see you again, and that I'd get to give you a hug. I haven't had a hug from you in 21 years, and I know that I never will. Right now though, I need one. I need a hug from you so badly. Even if you can't hug me, could you send down your spirit, so that I know that you still care? I need to know that, Mum, please! I also need to know that you care because I have something important to tell you. I'm pregnant, with a little girl. You always said how much you'd love to be a grandmother. Well, even though you're not here anymore, you can still be that grandmother you always wanted to be. I hope I'll make a good mum as well, although I don't think I could ever beat you. You were the kindest, most loving person I never knew, and I loved you so, so much. So much I can't even describe it. And we always looked out for each other didn't we, keeping each other safe. But when you died, that all changed. I was left alone, with Dad. He blamed me for your death, but he was right. I killed you, I know I did, I just, I wanted to do something to make it better. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring you back, I couldn't cheer Dad up, it was just horrible. Thank God I escaped when I did. And now, you won't believe it, but I'm back in Holby, working in the same hospital I used to be treated in all those years ago. And I met my boyfriend, well, fiancé there. We got engaged yesterday, just after... I..._

I couldn't see the paper anymore there were so many tears rolling down my face. I looked at the clock: 7:30. I looked at Tom, who was still fast asleep. The tears had cleared slightly now, so I decided to write some more:

_We got engaged yesterday, just after I passed out because of another panic attack. I still get them, but Tom helps now. Not that I'm replacing you, but I need some people to help me with my life, otherwise I'll fall apart. I do wish you were still helping me though, that it wasn't just Tom. I need you Mum, just as much as I did all those years ago. I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you..._

"I NEED YOU!" I screamed, before pushing everything but the letter onto the floor and then resting my arms on the table and my head on them, my body shaking with choked sobs.

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

I woke up to the sound of Sam screaming. It was horrible, something I never wanted to hear. I heard the words "need you" before she dissolved into tears. I watched her sob for a few seconds, before I couldn't let myself see her suffer any longer. I got out of bed and went over to her.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

I felt a hand on my shoulder and screamed, turning round as quickly as I possibly could. I'd forgotten that we had a swivel chair, and so when I turned it it carried on going. The same person stopped the chair before it started spinning properly, and then lifted me off it, pulling me into their arms. I got ready to scream in case it was someone who wanted to hurt me, but as soon as I looked into the eyes of the person I knew that they would never, ever hurt me.

"Tom?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Tom replied.

"I, I-I-I..." I no longer knew what to say, so instead of saying what I was going to say, I changed it. "Can we sit down?"

"Of course we can," replied Tom. He lifted me so that my full weight was on him and then gently lay me down on the bed. I automatically curled up small and clung to him, wrapping my arms around him and holding fists of his shirt so tight it was like my life depended on it.

It was obvious that something was wrong. "Sam, what's happened?"

I shook my head, unable to tell him.

"Did you write it in that letter?" asked Tom, reaching for it.

"NO!" I yelled, snatching it off him. I carefully folded the later before placing it back on the desk. Tom looked at me, his eyes full of hurt.

"Sam, what's wrong?" he asked. "We shouldn't keep secrets from each other."

I couldn't tell Tom, this was private. But then again, me and Tom were going to get married, and we wouldn't be able to do that if we had secrets from each other.

I nodded. "OK, you can read the letter," I said. "Just, let me finish it first."

"OK," said Tom. "Do you want me to go, or...?"

"No, stay here," I said, shaking my head. "Just, don't look over my shoulder or anything like that."

"OK," said Tom, getting back into bed and turning on his phone. "Tell me when you've finished and I'll read it."

"OK," I nodded. I then paused. "Tom?"

"Yeah?" Tom replied, looking at me.

"I'm going to cry, I can't help that," I said. "I may scream as well, but just, just ignore it, OK? I need to do this, and if that means I scream and cry, then I scream and cry. But, if I call your name, come and help, because otherwise I might never get this done. OK?"

Tom nodded, obviously a bit confused by my instructions. "OK."

"Thanks," I said, and then got back to writing the letter:

_I need you, so much so that I just screamed it. I wish you could come back, but you can't, and that's my fault. I wish it wasn't, because then I'd know that there was nothing I could have done about it. But it was. If I had have looked what I was doing, not been so stupid, then you'd be OK. It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault..._

"It's all my fault!" I screamed, before once again dissolving into tears. I knew that Tom was looking at me, wondering what on earth was my fault, but he didn't say anything. I was grateful for that, because I needed to do this myself. I still had tears rolling down my cheeks, but I picked the pen up and carried on writing:

_Tom's just given me proof that he cares. I asked him not to help me if I screamed, and he didn't. I know you'll hate the fact that I'm screaming because of this, but I need to. I'm so, so sorry Mum, I shouldn't have killed you, I shouldn't be screaming, and I should just have accepted it was my fault and moved on._

"But I can't!" I screamed. I knew that Tom would be looking at me again, but he was still keeping to his word and not interfering. I wiped the tears from my face, picked up the pen yet again and continued writing:

_I feel so guilty. I know you'd hate that as well, but I killed you when I was eight! I was trying to make you toast and a drink, because you were ill, to try and make you feel better, and a few hours later you were dead! It was all my fault, and I don't think I've ever really been coping properly since I did it. So, what I really need to say is, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry, I should never have done it, and I hate myself for it. For stopping you doing all those things you wanted to do: become a grandmother, help me escape from Dad, meet my boyfriend, see me get married, see the rest of my life... You'll never do any of it! Why was I so stupid?! Why didn't I turn off the toaster?! Why did I spill the drink?! Why..._

All at once a million memories from that day came flooding back to me, and I screamed. "TOM!"

In an instant I felt Tom scoop me into his arms, hugging me close as I sobbed. He'd kept his word, only coming when I'd asked him to. He began to rub my back, which was something only he had ever done to me, meaning that it calmed me and didn't bring any memories. I relaxed into his embrace as he gently rocked me back and fourth.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes I pulled out of the hug and smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks, Tom."<p>

"You're welcome, Sam," said Tom, stroking my cheek. "Have you finished or do you still need to do some more?"

"I need to finish it," I said. "I need to finish it properly, and close everything so I can move on."

"OK," said Tom. He got up and went and sat back on the bed whilst I sat back at the desk and continued to write:

_Why did I do any of it? It's the biggest regret of my life, doing that. Nothing else even comes close. I know I've said it before, but I'll keep saying it: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, but I just, I hope you can forgive me._

_Rest in peace Mum._

_Your loving daughter,_

_Samantha. xxx_

"Tom," I said, turning to face him. "I'm finished."

"OK," said Tom. He held out his hand and I passed him the letter. I watched his face as he read it, watching as his concerned smile turned to a frown, his eyes began to shine with tears, and his whole face paled. As a tear rolled down his cheek he moved the letter out of the way, to avoid getting it wet. I smiled sadly, tears running freely down my own cheeks. Maybe Mum had visited me in spirit, but as Tom? Maybe she'd made sure that our paths crossed so that we would meet each other, then fall in love and help each other. Well, it wasn't impossible...

"Sam?" Tom's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Come here," said Tom. I didn't need him to say it twice as I stood up, walked towards the bed and sat down next to him, before he took me in his arms, holding me close.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes I pulled out of the hug and looked Tom in the eye. "Tom, what did you think?"<p>

Tom pulled me back into the hug before answering. "I think you're a girl who's grieving for her mother," he said, holding me close. "With everything going on with you becoming a mother, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"So, you're not angry?" I asked. "You don't think it's all my fault, you don't think I should be blaming myself?"

"No," said Tom. "I know it was your fault, because you started the fire, but I know that it was an accident, and from reading that letter and seeing you just now you would do anything to have her back, so I'm not angry. And I know for a fact that you shouldn't blame yourself, because all you'll do is make yourself ill. You've got Evie to look after now. I'm not saying forget your mum, don't forget her, but don't dwell on the past either. Think about the future. Of course there are going to be some things that make you sad, like the fact that your mum won't be there as Evie's grandmother, but I can help you through it, OK? Just, be strong, be strong for Evie, and for your mum."

I picked up the letter which Tom had put down on the bed, my eyes shining with new tears. "What do we do with this?"

"What do you want to do with it?" asked Tom.

I took a deep breath. "I know this sounds really stupid, but Mum always wanted to be cremated, but Dad insisted on burying her. Could we, burn the letter and then let the ashes blow away in the wind?"

Tom placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "That's not stupid, Sam: it's following your mum's wishes and saying goodbye."

I smiled weakly. "Should we use the log burner downstairs?"

"Yes," said Tom. He looked down at the letter. "Do you want to take it or should I?"

I swallowed. "I'll take it, but we can both set the ashes free."

"OK," said Tom. We went downstairs to the log burner.

"Could you start the fire?" I asked. "I, I-I-I don't really like it."

Tom nodded in understanding. "Sure. Put the letter in first and then I'll set light to it."

"OK," I said. I placed the letter into the log burner, and then watched as Tom lit it with a match. He then shut the door and waited for it to burn.

* * *

><p>After about five minutes the last of the flames went out and Tom opened the door. He placed half of the ashes into my hands and the other half into his.<p>

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

I took a deep breath. "Could we go up onto the hospital roof? Me and Mum used to go up there all the time when I was little," I explained. "I used to have really bad claustrophobia when I was about six and the roof was one of the only places I felt safe."

Tom sighed and looked at me.

I then realised what he was thinking. "I'm not going to jump, I swear. If I jump I'll kill Evie, and I'm not going to do that."

"Promise?" asked Tom.

"I promise," I said.

"OK," said Tom. We then put the ashes down, quickly threw on some clothes, picked them back up again and began to walk to the hospital.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later we arrived at the hospital. Tom realised that I wouldn't want to be spotted, and so he found the back entrance and we snuck into the hospital and onto the roof without meeting anybody. When I got onto the roof I walked across it and sat right on the edge.<p>

"Sam..." Tom said, obviously worried about me.

I turned around. "Tom, I'm not going to jump. I'm just sitting on the edge because that's what I always used to do."

"OK," said Tom, and came and sat next to me.

"Can we let them go together?" I asked.

"Sure," said Tom. "On three?"

I nodded. "One, two, three." Me and Tom both let our ashes go, although I held onto one. I watched them float away and then turned to face Tom.

"Tom, could you go back a little bit?" I asked. "I need to say goodbye one last time, by myself."

"OK," said Tom, taking some steps back so that he was at the opposite edge of the roof.

I sat there for a moment, staring out over Holby. Where was Mum's favourite place? Then I remembered: the park. It was where she met, and got married to, Dad, and where she loved to take me in the summer. I stretched out my arm so that the ash was over the centre of the park.

"I'll never forget you, Mum," I said, before I let the ash fly away. The wind blew it, and it made a heart shape in the air. It was then that I knew that, even though Mum was gone, she would always be in my heart. I turned around and saw Tom smiling.

"Did you see it?" I asked, and he nodded.

"She'll always be in your heart, Sam," he said, before enveloping me in a hug. The tears ran freely down my cheeks, but I soon pulled out of the hug.

"Let's go home," I said. I took Tom's hand, but before I walked off I looked to see the ash one more time. It blew past the roof before being whipped up into the sky, away from the earth, and up to heaven. I smiled as I turned back to Tom, and we made our way home.

**A/N OK, so I don't have a clue what this is all about! It's now 1:31 in the morning, I was nearly falling asleep quarter of the way through this, but I kept going and I don't really know why this is here. It made me cry as well, which I'm not sure is good or bad! Please read and review (and feel free to tell me if I've gone totally bonkers!)! However, this is the longest chapter I have EVER written (at over 3,400 words) so I'm happy! :-D**

**Also, really random question here, but does anybody know the name/ author of a FanFic where Sam goes onto the roof and throws her pager off? I've asked around but no one knows, so if you do please either leave it in a review or PM me, as I remember it was really good but can't remember the name! :-)**


	22. Memories

**A/N Right, I will admit now, that I have absolutely no idea where this story is going and my brain is just writing it for me, so if it all appears to be a bit weird then I'm sorry! Anyway, on with the chapter. (This one is going to be another sad chapter I'm afraid, but that's just how this seems to be working out. I have lots of plans for happy chapters later, I promise! (But then again when did I ever stick to my story plans?!)) Hope you enjoy it anyway! :-D**

**Thanks to Gillian Kearney Fan, cooper1eddie2, katielou1701, Minxheart, CharieK and waterlooraodfan2012 for reviewing! Six in one day is pretty impressive I think, and it made me really happy! :-D**

**Special thanks to cooper1eddie2 and katielou1701 who told me the name of the FanFic I was looking for! I'm now reading it to find the bit I want! :-D**

**waterlooraodfan2012: Please don't be mad! I told you my brain might not make this be the chapter with Danny in it, and it hasn't, so just enjoy this chapter whilst waiting for Danny to reappear! XD**

**Last thing (something that may not work), I'm going to do a bit of Evie POV in this chapter, to see what it's like. Hopefully it'll work well! XD**

Sam POV

When we got home I walked in and Tom told me to sit on the sofa. I did as he said and he sat next to me.

"Are you OK now?" he asked gently.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" asked Tom, his eyes full of concern.

"I don't know," I repeated. "I don't know how I feel."

"Why not?" Tom asked, moving towards me and wrapping his arm around me.

I shrugged him off. "I don't know," I said. I stood up and faced Tom. "I'm going to go upstairs and be on my own for a while: I need to think."

Tom knew better than to argue. "OK," he agreed. "If you need me just call me, OK? I'll be in here."

I nodded, before I walked out of the room and into the bedroom.

* * *

><p>When I got to the bedroom I sat on the bed, bringing my knees up to my bump. I looked around the room, wishing I knew how I felt. I'd just said goodbye to Mum for the second time, this time with Tom, and I was feeling... Well, how was I feeling? I was sad because I missed her, but I was happy because I'd finally been able to say goodbye properly, and knew that even though she wasn't alive anymore, she would always be in my heart. Suddenly I felt like I needed to be close to Mum, and so I went to the top of my wardrobe and got out my keepsake box. I put it down on the bed before sitting back down and removing the lid. I looked down at the first thing in the box, and nearly cried out with joy. I'd forgotten I had it, and as I picked it up my hands began to shake. It was a Simba soft toy, which I'd had ever since I was a baby. I hugged him close as the tears began to stream down my cheeks. After a few moments I put him down on my lap, and reached for the next thing in the box. It was a picture of me and Dad at Mum's funeral. I was wearing a long-sleeved knee-length black dress with black tights and my black school shoes, my hair in a French plait. Dad was in a suit, everything about him looking smart. As I looked at the photo closely I could see the tears rolling down my face, staining my cheeks as they went. Mum was in the coffin being lowered into the ground at this point, and I remembered it so clearly. Suddenly, another memory made it's way into my brain, and my whole body began to shake as I watched it.<p>

* * *

><p><em>We'd just got home from the funeral, which had been the worst thing of my entire life, when Dad called me into the kitchen.<em>

_"You know it's all your fault don't you,_ Samantha_?" he said to me._

_Tears sprung to my eyes as he used my full name. The day after Mum had died I'd changed my name to Sam, as people calling me Samantha reminded me of Mum too much, as she'd always called me Samantha in such a beautiful way. Dad was using this though, using it as another way to hurt me, because he always did._

_"Don't you, _Samantha_," he repeated. He accented the word 'Samantha', knowing it would hurt me more._

_I nodded. "Yes, I do."_

_"And you know what happens when you do something wrong, don't you, _Samantha_?" he asked, again accenting the 'Samantha'._

_I nodded. He wasn't, was he? I'd just been to Mum's funeral, and now he was going to hit me? I braced myself as he hit me on the back of the head._

_Suddenly I snapped. He couldn't do this to me! It wasn't right! I opened my eyes and turned to face him._

_"You can't do that," I said boldly._

_He laughed nervously, obviously not used to me standing up to him. "What did you say?"_

_"You can't do that," I repeated. "It's illegal."_

_"And what are you going to do about it?" he asked._

_"Report you to the police," I said. "You've been doing it for too long; it's time you were punished."_

_Just then Dad put his face right in front of mine, so close I could feel his breath on my skin. "You do that, and I will make you wish you'd never been born."_

_"How?" I asked._

_"I'll rape you, and make sure I cause you as much pain as possible, and then I'll murder you, as pay back for murdering your mother," he whispered._

_I shuddered._

_"Is that understood, _Samantha_?" he asked._

_I nodded. "Yes."_

_"Good," he said, before he threw me into the kitchen surface. I felt a stabbing pain in my back, and that, combined with the pain from the hit to the back of my head earlier, was the last thing I felt before I drifted into unconsciousness..._

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

I was sitting in the living room downstairs when I heard a scream coming from upstairs. I raced up the staircase and into the bedroom, where Sam was lying on the bed, screaming. I touched her arm and she flinched away violently.

"Sam, it's OK," I said. She turned to face me, but didn't seem to recognise who I was. I put my hand out to touch her cheek but she flinched away again, hitting her head on the headboard. Tears sprang to her eyes as the pain obviously shot through her head.

"Sam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," I said. I went towards her so I could try and work out what was happening. I sat on the bed, ready to examine her.

"Sam, could you..." I began, but I didn't get any further. Sam looked at me, decided that she didn't like where I was, and then shoved me off the bed and onto the floor.

I sat there, shocked. What had happened to Sam? I knew better than to go near her again: she obviously didn't like it, but I decided to stay in the room so that I could make sure she was OK.

* * *

><p>Evie POV<p>

I could hear my mother screaming, and could sense her fear. I wish I knew what she was scared about, but I didn't. I then heard someone else come into the room, and they told my mother it was OK. It was my father: I recognised his voice. I then heard a bang, which felt like it was from my mother. My father then told her he was sorry, before going to ask her a question. He didn't get very far before I heard another bang. I then felt my mother curl up small, and I began to kick in protest, pounding her stomach hard with my tiny foot.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

Suddenly I felt a baby kick me. Oh God, had Dad actually carried out his threat? I looked down at my stomach, watching as the baby's foot kicked it. I didn't want to keep it, if it was Dad's, but I didn't think I'd be able to bring myself to kill it either. Tears began to roll down my face as the baby continued to kick me.

"Sam?" I heard a voice ask.

I turned towards it, and suddenly something clicked. This wasn't Dad's baby, this was Tom's, the same Tom I was engaged to.

"Tom?" I said weakly.

"Yeah?" Tom replied.

"Can I..." I trailed off. It was a stupid question to ask: I'd just shoved Tom onto the floor for goodness sake!

"Can you what?" Tom asked gently.

I shook my head. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

"Sam, tell me," said Tom.

I continued to shake my head.

"Samantha Nicholls..." Tom trailed off as I suddenly began to gasp for air.

"Whoa, Sam, I didn't mean upset you," said Tom, rushing over to me. He wrapped his arms around me but I wriggled free, feeling trapped.

"What's wrong?" asked Tom.

"Don't... ... ever... ... call... ... me... ... Samantha... ... ever... ... again... ..." I said between rapid breaths.

"OK, I won't, I promise, Sam," he said. He took my hand. "Take some deep breaths."

I tried but I couldn't manage. "I... ... can't... ..."

"Yes you can," Tom told me. "In, and out. In, and out."

I tried but it still didn't work.

Tom looked at me worriedly. "We're going to have to call an ambulance."

I shook my head frantically. "I'm... ... fine... ...

"Sam, you're not fine: you're having a panic attack," he said.

"I... ... am... ..." I said. Suddenly my body lost all of its strength and I collapsed onto Tom.

"Whoa, you're OK," said Tom as the full weight of my upper body fell onto him. He looked at me, very concerned. "I'm calling an ambulance."

I shook my head, there wasn't much else I could do anymore.

"Sam, I have to," he said. I continued to shake my head. "Well, what about if I phone Dixie and Jeff, get them to bring some oxygen round. Would that be OK?"

I nodded.

"OK," said Tom, getting out his phone. He dialled Jeff's number and held it to his ear as it began to ring.

Jeff picked up after four rings. "Tom?"

"Jeff, yeah, hi, it's me," I said. "Listen, you couldn't bring some oxygen over could you? Sam's having a pretty bad panic attack and we need it urgently."

"Of course, mate," he said. He then took the phone away from his ear. "Dixie, we need some oxygen, Sam and Tom's house."

"On it," she said, and began to find the things they would need.

Jeff lifted the phone back up to his ear. "We're on our way."

"Thanks, Jeff," said Tom. "See you in a few minutes."

"OK," said Jeff. "Bye."

"Bye," said Tom and then hung up.

I looked at him questioningly.

"He's bringing it over now," he said, and I nodded.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later I heard the front door open and Jeff and Dixie came in.<p>

"Tom?" Jeff called.

"Up here," Tom replied.

I heard Jeff and Dixie come up the stairs, and then Jeff opened the door.

"Hello Princess," said Jeff, smiling at me. He then came over to me with some oxygen. "I'm just going to put this on your face to help you breathe, OK?"

I nodded, but as Jeff's hand came towards my face I began to flinch away.

"Shh, it's OK, Sam, just let me put the mask on," Jeff said, once again going to put the mask over my face. I flinched away again.

Jeff sighed. "Princess, I can't do it if you keep moving away."

A few tears began to roll down my cheeks. I wasn't meaning to flinch away, but I couldn't help it.

"Sam, it's OK, don't cry," said Tom.

Jeff tried again to put the mask on. I flinched away again, but I held my hand out for the oxygen mask. Jeff handed it to me and I put it over my face.

"Good girl," said Jeff, smiling at me.

Once the oxygen mask was on I began to breathe a bit easier, and from there I was able to control my breathing. Five minutes later it was back to normal.

"I'm sorry," I said, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks.

"Hey, it's not your fault," said Tom, rubbing my back gently.

I looked up at Tom, my eyes full of fear and hurt. He seemed to sense what I wanted to ask him as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"Thanks for everything," Tom said to Dixie and Jeff.

"No problem," said Jeff, smiling slightly. "I'm just glad she's OK now."

"Thanks, Jeff," I said. "I'm sorry I kept flinching away."

Jeff shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Sam, you didn't mean to."

I smiled sadly, showing him that I was grateful.

"Right, we'd best be off," said Jeff. "We'll leave the oxygen with you in case you need it, just bring it back when you come into work."

Tom nodded. "OK."

"Bye," said Jeff, before he and Dixie headed down the stairs and out of the front door.

"Sam, what just happened?" Tom asked gently.

I shook my head and pulled out of the hug. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Sam..." said Tom, warning me that that wasn't a good idea.

"I don't want to tell you so I don't have to!" I shouted.

"Sam, please..." Tom began.

"No!" I shouted. "It's my life and I can do what I like! You can't make me do anything!" Just then I had an itch in my shoulder, and I lifted the short sleeve of my T-shirt to scratch it. Tom gasped.

"What?" I asked, confused. I the realised he could see all the tiny white lines all over my shoulder, so I quickly covered them up. However, I knew it was too late.

"Please tell me they're not what I think they are," said Tom.

I nodded. "Yes, they are."

Tom lifted my sleeve and I flinched away.

"Shh, it's OK, I'm not going to hurt you," he said gently. I allowed him to lift the sleeve and look at the marks.

"Why did you start self-harming?" he asked.

"My dad blamed me for Mum's death," I began. "I knew it was my fault, but at every opportunity he'd bring it up, using it to hurt me. One day I'd had enough, and couldn't take it anymore. He kept punishing me for it, so I decided that I'd punish myself. I always used my shoulder so that he wouldn't see it, as I knew he'd notice the marks on my arms. It helped a bit, and whenever I either did something wrong or felt upset, I did it." Tears had begun to roll down my cheeks, and I looked down at my lap.

Tom gently lifted my chin and wiped the tears from my eyes. "He's not here anymore, Sam. You've got me and Evie now."

I smiled as I felt Evie kick. "She agrees!" I laughed.

Tom smiled. "See, she cares about you, even though she's not born yet. I care about you as well, so much I can't even describe it. You need to let people help you Sam, and stop bottling everything up."

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, I tend to do that a lot."

"And it's not doing you any good," said Tom. He looked me in the eye. "Sam, why don't you like me calling you Saman..."

"Don't," I interrupted.

"Why do you hate it so much?" Tom asked. "You were fine with it when I proposed."

I shook my head. "I wasn't, but I didn't want to say anything because it would have ruined it." I explained.

"Oh Sam," said Tom, pulling me back into a hug.

Tears sprung to my eyes and I blinked to try and stop them.

"Hey, it's OK, don't cry," Tom told me.

"I'm sorry, everything's just getting a bit much at the moment," I admitted. The tears began to roll down my cheeks and I buried my head in Tom's chest, trying to hide them. Suddenly a wave of nausea came over me, and I bolted into the bathroom, only just making it to the toilet in time, where I vomited. I felt a soothing hand on my tensed back, which relaxed me slightly.

"It's OK, Sam, it's alright," said Tom, rubbing my back as I continued to throw up.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I threw up. Dad, Mum, Evie, Tom, past memories, death, abuse, self-harm, panic attacks, and now morning sickness... It was all getting too much. The tears continued to fall, faster and faster, until I could no longer see.

Tom seemed to sense this. "Let it all out, Sam, don't keep anything inside you, just let everything out," he told me.

I threw up one last time before I fell backwards and collapsed onto Tom, tears still streaming down my face. Tom wrapped his arms around me and held me close, protecting me.

"What's happened to the feisty, brave, strong Doctor Sam Nicholls?" asked Tom, rubbing my back comfortingly.

I shook my head as I sobbed. "I don't know."

Tom let me sob for a few minutes and then pulled out of the hug slightly, looking me right in the eye. "How long have you been bottling this up for?"

"Twenty-one years," I whispered.

Tom looked at me in shock. "Twenty-one years?"

I nodded. "I haven't told anyone anything since Mum died."

"Oh Sam," said Tom, as pulled me back into a hug, holding me close as I sobbed.

* * *

><p>About ten minutes later I finally stopped sobbing and looked up at Tom. "Thank you."<p>

"What for?" he asked.

"For letting me get everything off my chest," I said. "It feels a lot better now that weight's been lifted off."

Tom kissed my forehead. "I'm glad I could help, and I'm glad you told me. It'll be a lot better for you."

I smiled, before I stood up and went back into the bedroom, sitting on the bed. Tom followed me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Looking through stuff," I said. I picked up a photo of me in Mum's arms when I'd just been born, and tears came to my eyes.

Tom wiped them away. "Is that you and your mum?" he asked,

I nodded. "Yeah, about ten minutes after I'd been born."

Tom smiled. "You were really cute."

I blushed. "Was I?"

Tom took my hand, rubbing it with his thumb. "Yes, you were."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"Your Mum looks really happy," Tom commented.

"Yeah, she was," I said. "She and Dad tried for years to have a child, and they were really happy when I was conceived. Once I was born they tried to have another one, but they couldn't, so they were really happy that they had me."

"You must have been really special to your mum then," Tom said.

"Yeah, I was," I said, a tear rolling down my cheek. "And she was special to me."

"I know," said Tom, pulling me into a hug. "I know."

* * *

><p>After a few minutes I pulled out of the hug, and picked something else out of the box. It was a jewellery box, and I opened it and gasped.<p>

"What?" Tom asked, confused as to why I'd gasped.

"I'd forgotten about this," I said. "It's Mum's necklace." I lifted it out of its box to reveal a gold chain with a gold 'M' pendant, studded with diamonds.

"What was the 'M' for?" Tom asked.

"Michelle," I answered. "Dad bought it for her when they got engaged."

"Why have you got it then?" he asked.

"Because Mum said that when she died I could have it," I replied. "The 'M' could also stand for Mum, so it would serve for both of us."

"Oh, OK," said Tom. He reached for the necklace and put it around my neck. "Face me."

I turned to face him, smiling as I did so.

"You look beautiful," said Tom.

I smiled even more and blushed slightly. "Thanks."

Tom placed a kiss on my cheek. "You're welcome."

I looked through the rest of the box. There wasn't much, just a few photos and cards from when I was born as well as a couple of scan pictures which I smiled at. There was also all of the hospital information about my birth, which I hadn't understood before, but now read and understood completely. I knew that most of the photos were in my photo album that I'd made when Mum had died (Dad never bothered taking any photos of me after her death), but I'd look at them another time. I found the funeral picture and put it back in the box, and then realised something was missing.

"Where's Simba?" I asked, looking around.

"Who's Simba?" asked Tom, confused. "Isn't he that lion cub from 'The Lion King'?"

I nodded. "Yes, he is. I used to have a soft toy of him when I was little, and he was in that box."

"Oh, OK," said Tom.

"We need to find him!" I said, the panic obvious in my voice.

Tom took my hands. "Sam, we will find him, OK?"

I nodded. "OK."

"Right, where did you last have him?" Tom asked.

"I was sitting on the bed earlier, and he was on my lap," I told Tom.

"OK, let's look on the bed then," said Tom. I got up and looked on the bed, as did Tom, but he wasn't there. Not on the bed, under the duvet, or under the pillows.

"Maybe he fell on the floor?" suggested Tom.

"Maybe," I said, and we began to search the floor. But he wasn't there either. Not on the floor that was visible, not under any of the furniture, not under the bed.

"Where is he?!" I asked, getting frustrated.

"I don't know," said Tom truthfully.

"We've searched everywhere!" I said, upset. "Mum gave him to me, if I lose him I've lost another part of her, and that can't happen!"

"Sam, we will find him, I promise," said Tom, although I could hear the doubt in his voice.

"But there's nowhere else to look!" I stated.

Tom thought for a moment. "There is actually," he said, before getting up and kneeling on the bed. I was confused, as we'd already checked the bed, but as he looked over the headboard I realised what he was doing. He looked for a minute and then smiled.

"He's there," he said. "He says it's very dark though, and he'd much prefer to be up here with us!"

I laughed slightly, before I wrapped my arms around Tom. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, reaching down and getting him. When he'd got him he handed him to me. "There you go."

I smiled and hugged Simba close. "Thanks."

"It's OK," said Tom, turning around and hugging me. He looked me in the eye. "Are you OK now?"

"I'm better," I replied. I still wasn't really sure how I was feeling, but I knew that now I'd told Tom everything about my past, then he'd be able to help me better, and hopefully I'd be happier.

"Good," said Tom as he hugged me close again. I smiled and relaxed into the hug, feeling safe in Tom's arms.

**A/N Whoa, that was a long chapter! I usually don't do chapters any more than 2,000 and something words, but that one was over 4,000! :-D I hope you liked it! Please R&R! :-D**


	23. Back to the ED

**A/N I'm not feeling too great today (there's a stupid bug going round), so I thought I'd do something productive and update! This chapter is going to go back to the patients that people sent in ages ago (nearly 4 months now!), but is probably going to turn really horrible near the end (just because my brain's like that!). Sorry if I upset anyone. :-( Hope you enjoy reading it anyway! :-D**

**Oh, and I found the bit I was looking for in the FanFic: Chapter 93 in 'What difference does it make?'. I was so happy! :-D (I just thought I'd put where it was in case anyone else wants to know, and also in case I forget it again so I can look it up easily! XD)**

**Thanks to cooper1eddie2, CasualtyFanForever81, CharieK, Minxheart, Gillian Kearney Fan, waterlooraodfan2012 and Linneagb for reviewing! They made me so happy after writing such a depressing chapter! :-D No one complained about the Evie POV though, so I think I'll do some more! (If you don't like it, tell me and I'll stop, but I think it works and if no one objects then I'll assume everyone else agrees! :-D)**

**Another thing, 'The Lion King' came out in 1994, but Sam was born in 1985. For the sake of this FanFic can we say it was released in 1984 (as otherwise she wouldn't have been able to have her Simba toy when she was a baby!). I've realised Jeff also didn't join the show until 2007 (I'm not sure when Dixie joined), but can we say they were there in 2000? (It will make this more interesting!)**

**Last thing (well, it was when I was writing this for the first time! XD), there's a link on my profile to the house that Tam are going to move into when they move house, so you can go and have a look at it if you want! :-D**

**Just realised I also need to thank Gillian Kearney Fan again for helping me generate ideas through our roleplay! Pretty much everything in the last chapter (apart from her mum dying and the Simba thing) came from that, so thanks! There will also be something in this chapter that I came up with yesterday from that. :-D (If anyone wants to read the roleplay we've been doing, I've posted it as a FanFic on my profile, so have a read! :-D)**

Normal POV

A few minutes later Tom released Sam from the hug and looked at his watch.

"It's nine o'clock, do you want breakfast?"he asked.

Sam wondered for a moment, before her stomach rumbled.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Tom laughed.

Sam smiled, her head spinning with thoughts.

Tom looked at her, concerned. "Are you alright?"

Sam nodded. "I'm fine."

"OK," said Tom. "What do you want?"

"I don't really mind," replied Sam.

"OK," said Tom. He went into the kitchen to make the breakfast.

Sam sat down on the bed, resting her head on her knees (which she pulled up to her bump) as the thoughts continued to circle. She knew she should tell Tom, but she couldn't bring herself to. What she'd told him was one thing, the thoughts in her head were a different thing entirely.

"Sam, breakfast is ready," called Tom from the kitchen a few minutes later.

Sam didn't reply.

"Sam," called Tom again, walking towards the bedroom. "Sam."

Sam still didn't reply.

Tom walked into the bedroom and saw Sam sitting on the bed. "Sam?"

Sam didn't answer, lost in her thoughts.

"Sam, are you alright?" asked Tom. Her gently touched her arm and she jumped, before looking up at him.

"Don't do that!" she said, holding her hand over her chest, where her heart was beating very fast.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," said Tom. "What were you thinking about anyway?"

"Just, everything that's happened today," said Sam. "I just, I'm trying to get my head around it."

"What do you mean?" asked Tom, sitting on the bed next to her.

"It just, it feels weird, that someone else knows," said Sam. "For 21 years I've been the only one that knows, and now you know everything."

_Well, not quite everything,_ Sam thought to herself.

Tom wrapped his arm around her. "And do you feel happier about it?"

Sam nodded. "It feels a lot better."

Tom smiled. "Good." He then stood up, and held out his hand for her to take. "Come on, let's go and have breakfast."

Sam took his hand and the two of them went into the kitchen together.

* * *

><p>When they got to the kitchen Tom told Sam to sit down at the table and close her eyes. She did as he was told, and Tom put her breakfast in front of her.<p>

Tom then also sat down at the table. "You can open your eyes now."

Sam opened her eyes, a smile coming to her face as she saw the breakfast Tom had made her. It was a simple bowl of cheerios, but Tom had made the white and light brown ones into a background, and made the dark brown ones into a heart in the middle.

Tom smiled as well. "I thought you'd like it."

"I do," said Sam. "Thank you."

"No problem," said Tom. "I figured you could do with something like that after this morning."

Sam nodded, trying to stop the tears that were coming to her eyes. She blinked a few times and succeeded.

Tom noticed what she was doing. "Sam, it's OK to cry: you've been through a lot this morning."

Sam nodded again, before allowing a single tear to escape her eye. She watched it as it fell off her face and onto the table, splashing onto the pale wood.

Tom watched her helplessly, as there was nothing he could do. Sam had broken down in front of him this morning, and he couldn't take away the thing that was hurting her, as he couldn't change her past or bring her mum back.

Sam then shook herself, before she began to eat, smiling as she carefully ate around the edge of the heart that Tom had made.

Tom smiled at her, before beginning to eat his own cheerios (although he had just put his in the bowl and not made a pattern with them).

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Sam finished her cereal and put down her spoon. She then looked at her watch: 9:30.<p>

"What should we do until one?" she asked.

"I don't..." began Tom, but he was interrupted by his phone ringing. He pressed 'Accept' and held the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello Tom, it's Zoe," said Zoe. "I was wondering if you and Sam could come in early: the ED's in chaos."

"Hang on a minute, I'll just ask Sam," said Tom, taking the phone away from his ear. "Sam, is it OK if we go into the ED now? Zoe's asked us to."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, that's fine."

"OK, said Tom, putting the phone back to his ear. "Yeah, that's fine, Zoe. We'll be there in half an hour."

"OK, thanks," said Zoe. "See you in half an hour then."

"OK," said Tom. "Bye."

"Bye," said Zoe, and then ended the call.

Tom then took the phone away from his ear and ended the call. "I'm going to go and have a shower."

Sam nodded. "OK. I don't need one."

"OK," said Tom, before he went into the bedroom.

Sam followed him, and sat on the bed as he got ready for his shower.

Tom noticed her sat there, her knees brought up to her bump, being silent. "You OK?"

Sam didn't answer, once again lost in her thoughts.

Tom gently sat next to her. "Sam, are you alright?"

Sam jumped slightly, before turning to him. "What?"

"I asked if you were OK," said Tom, beginning to worry about Sam. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her towards him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," said Sam defensively.

"Do you want me to phone Zoe so you can have the day off?" Tom asked.

Sam shook her head. "No, it's OK, I'm fine."

"You sure?" asked Tom.

"Yes, I'm fine," said Sam. "Go and have your shower; I need to get ready."

"OK," said Tom. He got ready for his shower and then went into the en-suite.

Sam sat on the bed, taking deep but shaky breaths, trying to keep herself calm. She heard Tom enter the shower, and begin to wash under the water. As she heard the water splashing down another new memory came to her, and this one was by far the worst, one she hoped she could forget, even though she knew it would never go away.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

_I stepped into the shower and turned it on, the hot water stinging my most recent self-harm marks, ones I'd made only minutes ago. Tears came to my eyes as I fought the urge to cry out in pain._

_"I wish I didn't have to do this," I whispered to myself. "I wish it could all end."_

_Suddenly, I clicked. There was a way to end everything, a way to stop Dad from abusing me, a way to stop the self-harm, a way to stop the memories, a way to stop the guilt, a way to stop the sadness..._

_A way to end my life._

_Suicide._

_"I want to die," I said, my voice slightly louder than my earlier whispering. "I'm going to die."_

_I then began to think about all of the things that I would miss: doing my GCSEs, getting my certificate for my silver Duke of Edinburgh award (that I'd only just completed), going to university, getting a job, growing up..._

_But then I began to think about everything I would get away from: the abuse, the memories, the guilt, the sadness, the self-harm, the loneliness, the hurt..._

_There was a lot more that I'd get rid of than I'd miss out on._

_And if I didn't kill myself Dad probably would soon anyway._

_I looked through the frosted bathroom window, staring at the blue sky._

_"I'm going to die."_

* * *

><p>I let out a scream: I'd been holding this inside me for way too long.<p>

Tom then came out of the bathroom, still completely naked and soaking wet, and ran to my side.

"Sam, was that you screaming?" he asked.

I frantically shook my head, before I decided it would be better if Tom knew the truth and slowly began to nod.

Tom took my hand. "Why?"

I frantically wracked my brain, trying to think if an excuse. I couldn't tell him I'd tried to kill myself, he'd get me sectioned, or at least get me a psych referral.

"I was just thinking about when I killed mum, that's all," I lied. "I heard her screams and I must have screamed at the same time."

Tom looked at me doubtfully. "You sure?"

"Tom, I know what I was thinking about!" I said angrily. I wasn't angry at him, more at... Well, who was I angry at? Dad? Myself? Probably myself more than anyone. Why did I try to kill myself?! Why did I kill Mum?! Why did I just let Dad abuse me for so long?! Why did I self-harm?! Why...

"SAM!" yelled Tom.

I flinched away from him and screamed.

Tom looked at me, his eyes full of shock. "Sam?"

"Just, leave me alone," I said. I grabbed my things for work and left the flat, Tom still staring after me.

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

Tom watched Sam as she left the flat, before he went back into the en-suite to carry on with his shower.

* * *

><p>Sam arrived at the ED and went into the staffroom. She quickly changed into her scrubs before she went to reception.<p>

"Anything you want me to do?" she asked.

"Um, not really: most of the people who came in yesterday have been discharged," said Zoe, not looking up from her work. "You can go and check on those who haven't been though."

"OK," said Sam.

Zoe then looked at her. "Where's Tom?"

"Still at home," said Sam. "I was ready before him so I said I'd just come straight here instead of waiting for him."

"Oh, OK," said Zoe, surprised. What Sam was saying she would believe from anyone else, but not her. She knew that Tom wouldn't have let Sam come on her own to work, because Tom would have wanted to go with her. But then again she would have wanted to go with him as well.

"Can you come for a quick chat in my office?" Zoe asked. Sam nodded her head and they both made their way to Zoe's office.

* * *

><p>When they got there Zoe sat at her desk. "Take a seat."<p>

Sam sat down on the sofa, suddenly feeling the urge to curl up, but desperately trying not to, as it would show Zoe that something was wrong.

Zoe noticed the upset on Sam's face. "Are you alright?"

Sam stared at the cream sofa for a moment, before she answered. "Can I curl up?"

"Of course you can," said Zoe, smiling reassuringly at her. She was confused as to why Sam was asking, but hoped that if she made her feel comfortable, she'd open up more.

Sam smiled, before bringing her knees up to her bump and wrapping her arms around them. "Thanks."

"No problem," said Zoe. She then looked at her in concern. "Are you alright?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Zoe sighed, wondering how to put her feelings into words. "You just asked if you could curl up, which you'd only want to do if something was wrong, you came in by yourself, not with Tom, and to be honest at the moment you look like you don't want to live anymore.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

At Zoe's last statement I shuddered, before I tried to hide it.

"Sam?" asked Zoe.

"I'm fine, Zoe," I said, curling up tighter.

"You're not, Sam," said Zoe. "You just shuddered when I said that." Suddenly she realised something. "You're not thinking of su..."

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head frantically.

"Sam, if you are..." Zoe began.

"I'm not!" I said frustratedly, before she could continue.

Zoe looked into my eyes, trying to work out what was going on in my head. I then closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

"Sam?" asked Zoe, confused by my actions.

"Just give me a minute," I said, as I begun a battle with my own mind. It was trying to make me think of my suicide attempt, and I was trying to think of Tom and Evie. As my brain began to win I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping Zoe wouldn't notice what was going on.

* * *

><p><em>As I stepped out of the shower and dried myself, I thought of the best way to end my life. I couldn't do it at home, because if Dad found me I'd be in serious trouble. That meant I'd have to do it outside. What options did I have? I couldn't hang myself, as I had no ceiling. I could injure myself, but that would cause a lot of pain. But then again I was used to it: the self-harming didn't really ever hurt anymore. I could take an overdose of paracetamol, but then again how would I get it? Dad had locked all the drugs away, and I had no money. I'd spent the last lot on period pads and painkillers, as Dad never bothered buying me any. I only got paid monthly though (as I had a Saturday job), and I wouldn't be paid until two weeks' time. I then remembered that I had some paracetamol left over, but I only had four. That wouldn't be enough to kill myself. I'd have to use a knife, cut myself open. I shuddered at the thought, but if it got me away from Dad, away from this life, it would be worth it. I quickly dried and dressed myself, before walking out of the bathroom. I then dried my hair, tying it into a French plait. Mum had had a French plait in her hair the day she died, so I wanted one on the day I was going to die. I then went downstairs to the kitchen, and took a deep breath as I took the longest, sharpest knife from the knife stand. I looked at it, my hand shaking as I held it. I then walked out of the kitchen, out of the house, and onto the street. There was no one there so I decided instead of waiting, I'd kill myself right here. I stabbed the knife into my stomach, crying out in pain. The blood began to flow freely from the wound, and so I made more. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight stab wounds. The same number as the number of letters in my name, then name Dad now used to hurt me. Well, he wouldn't be able to anymore. Very soon, I would be dead, and he wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore.<em>

_That was the last thought I had before I fell unconscious__..._

* * *

><p>My eyes snapped open and I realised I was still sitting in Zoe's office, curled up on her sofa.<p>

"Sam?" Zoe asked cautiously.

I looked down at my watch, not even caring about what time it was. "I need to go, Zoe." I got up and left the office.

"Sam!" said Zoe, following me out. "Sam, wait!"

I carried on walking through the ED, before I picked up a patient's notes. I read the name of the person: Joe Holmes.

I walked into resus where I found Joe lying on the bed.

"Hello, Joe," I said, smiling at him.

"Hi," said Joe, looking at me as I spoke.

"Right, it says on your notes that you've got chest and abdominal pain," I said. "Did you not have this yesterday?"

Joe shook his head. "No, yesterday it was just my arm and shoulder that hurt."

I looked at him, confused. "OK, well, we'll get an ultrasound, and then we'll go from there. OK?"

Joe nodded. "OK."

"Right, I'll just go and get the scanner," I said. I then went out of the room to get the scanner, but as I did I saw Tom. Tom ran towards me to give me a hug, but I backed away.

"Sam?" questioned Tom, confused. He went to hug me again but I backed away even further.

"I don't want a hug, I just want you to leave me alone," I said. As soon as I had said this, Tom backed away from me.

"Why?" asked Tom, confused.

"I just don't," I said. I then went to get past but Tom blocked my path.

"Don't you dare!" I said, trying to get past him. Again Tom blocked my path. "Let me go!"

Tom still stood in the way.

"Let me go or I'll make you," I said.

"How are you going to do that?" asked Tom.

"Like this," I replied. I lifted my hand and punched Tom in the face, and then froze.

* * *

><p>Tom POV<p>

I stared at Sam in shock, blood dripping from my nose. Why had she just hit me? I didn't do anything to deserve that! OK, I did stand in her way, but I was just trying to make up with her, not make her angry! Out of instinct I brought my hand up, ready to slap Sam, and she flinched. I put my hand closer to her face and she flinched again, backing into the wall. I could see the fear in her eyes, and I wished I knew what was wrong. It wasn't the stuff from this morning, as she'd already told me everything about that. This was something more, something Sam was hiding from me. I then looked at Sam. There were tears rolling down her cheeks, and it was then that I realised I was trapping her, forcing her into the wall. I stepped back and she ran off. I stared after her, before coming to my senses, and going to Zoe's office.

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

When Tom got to Zoe's office he knocked on the door.

"Come in!" called Zoe.

Tom opened the door, and Zoe gasped.

"Tom, what happened to your face?!" she asked in shock.

"Oh yeah, that," said Tom. He'd forgotten that he still had blood dripping down his face. He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Tom," said Zoe. She handed him a tissue and Tom held it over his nose. "Who did it?"

"I told you, Zoe, it doesn't matter," said Tom.

"Was it a patient?" asked Zoe.

"No," said Tom.

"Well who was it?" asked Zoe. Suddenly a thought came to her head. "Was it Sam?"

Tom nodded.

"What?!" Zoe asked. "Why did she hit you? Has she hit you before? Does she abuse you?"

"NO!" Tom shouted. "I upset her, she couldn't cope, so she hit me."

"Is there something wrong?" asked Zoe.

Tom sighed. "Sam told me about her past this morning, it's affected her quite badly."

"What happened?" Zoe asked.

Tom shook his head. "It's not up to me to tell you that."

Zoe nodded in understanding. "Could you go and find her, bring her in here?" she said. "We need to work out what's wrong."

"OK," said Tom. He then got off the sofa and went out into the ED, to find Sam.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Sam was with Joe, doing a scan of his chest and abdomen. She moved the probe around, trying to look at what might be causing Joe's pain. Suddenly she gasped.<p>

"What, what is it?" Joe asked anxiously.

"Wait a second," said Sam, before she moved the probe around more. She then nodded. "You've got internal bleeding."

"What?" asked Joe, shocked.

"You've got internal bleeding in your chest and abdomen," said Sam. "I would say we could treat it, but I think it's too late."

"So you're saying..." Joe trailed off.

Sam nodded. "I'm so sorry," she said. She then got her phone out of her pocket and gave it to Joe. "Ring your family, they'd want to be here."

"Are you sure I can use your phone?" asked Joe.

"Of course," said Sam. "Although don't tell Doctor Kent, otherwise I might be in trouble."

"Why?" asked Joe. "Is he your boss?"

Sam shook her head. "No, he's the father of this little one," she said, placing her hand on her bump.

"Oh, congratulations," said Joe.

"Thanks," said Sam. "Now quick, phone your family, before Doctor Kent sees!"

"Before Doctor Kent sees what?" asked Tom, walking in.

Joe skilfully hid the phone, whilst Sam turned around to look at Tom.

"Before Doctor Kent sees those flowers she bought you," said Joe, thinking up a lie pretty much straight away.

"Oh, thanks, Joe!" said Sam, pretending to be angry with him.

"Oh, Sam, you didn't have to," said Tom.

"Well, I wanted to make up for earlier," said Sam.

"Oh, OK," said Tom. "Well, I look forward to seeing them."

Sam smiled.

"Oh, and when you're finished, Zoe wants to see you in her office," said Sam.

"What, have I done something wrong?" Sam asked nervously.

"No, no, it's nothing like that," said Tom. "She just wants to have a little chat."

Tears came to Sam's eyes, as she realised what Zoe wanted.

Tom put his hand on her back. "We'll be back in a minute," he said, walking out of resus with Sam, guiding her.

Sam turned to Joe, and quickly mouthed "Phone them." Joe nodded.

* * *

><p>Once they were outside of resus Sam spoke.<p>

"What's this little chat about?" she asked.

"About how you're getting along with working whilst being pregnant," Tom lied. "You can't be finding it easy working in an ED being 20 weeks pregnant."

"Well, I am," said Sam. "We don't need the meeting then, do we?"

"Sam, please, at least show up," said Tom. "It's only going to be me, you and Zoe, it's not like you have to speak in front of everybody."

Sam nodded. "Fine."

Tom smiled. "OK," he said. "Are you finished with your patient, or do you still need to see him?"

"I just need to check him over again," lied Sam. "I'll only be a minute."

"OK," said Tom.

Sam then headed back into resus, where Joe had just finished making the call.

"Thanks for the phone," he said, handing it back.

"You're welcome," said Sam, putting the phone in her scrub pocket.

Joe then got his wallet off the table next to him and handed Sam a £5 note.

"What's that for?" she asked, confused.

"For letting me use your phone, and to buy Doctor Kent some flowers so that he doesn't pick up on our lie," explained Joe. "Plus, if you're in trouble with the boss, you'll probably need some chocolate or something to keep you going.

Sam shook her head. "I'm not in trouble, and I can't accept money off you anyway."

"Even if you're not in trouble, you look like you could do with some chocolate," said Joe.

"No, I'm OK," said Sam. In truth, she did want some chocolate, but she didn't want to take money off Joe, especially as he was dying.

"Doctor Nicholls, please let me buy you some chocolate," said Joe.

"No, you're not supposed to, I'm paid by the government, not by my patients," said Sam.

"Doctor Nicholls, today's my last day; I want to make the most of it," said Joe.

* * *

><p>Sam POV<p>

As Joe made that comment I felt tears coming to my eyes, and I blinked furiously to try and get rid of them.

"Doctor Nicholls..." Joe began.

"Call me Sam," I interrupted.

"Sam, are you alright?" Joe asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said.

"Are you sure?" asked Joe.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said. I handed him the £5 note back. "I've got to get going to that meeting."

"Oh, OK," said Joe. "How long will it take?"

"I don't know, hopefully not long," I said, before I left resus and went to Zoe's office. I knocked on the door, and heard Zoe tell me to come in. I then walked into the office, but began to back out as I saw Tom sitting on the sofa.

"Sam, it's OK," said Tom.

I shook my head, backing out of the office more.

Tom went to stand up, but Zoe stopped him.

"Let me try," she said. She then looked at me. "Sam, look at me."

I looked at Zoe, my eyes full of fear.

"Come and sit down, yeah?" said Zoe. "No one's angry at you, you don't need to be scared."

"You would be angry if I told you why I'm upset," I said.

"Which is?" Zoe asked carefully.

"I tried to..." I suddenly stopped. Had I seriously just nearly told Zoe what I'd done? I shook myself, before I backed out of the room, and then bolted.

I heard Zoe and Tom calling after me, but I wasn't going to talk to them. I was going to find the person who found me on the pavement all those years ago: Jeff.

* * *

><p>When I reached the ambulance bay I went to the staffroom and cautiously opened the door, as I didn't know who was in there. I sighed with relief as I saw Jeff was there, but I froze as I saw he was talking to Iain.<p>

"Sam, are you alright, Princess?" Jeff asked me.

I nodded. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, Princess," said Jeff. He then seemed to sense I wanted to talk to him alone. "Iain, could you..."

"Oh, yeah, that's fine," said Iain, standing up and putting his empty coffee cup on the side. "I'll go and see if Dixie needs me."

"Thanks, Iain," I said, smiling gratefully at him.

"No problem, Sam," said Iain, smiling back. He then walked out of the door and closed it behind him.

"Can you lock it?" I asked nervously. "I don't want anyone coming in, and Tom and Zoe are trying to find me, so they're bound to at some point."

"If I lock it, can I just put a little notice on the door saying we're in here?" asked Jeff. "If Zoe and Tom come past and then don't know you're here, they're going to get really worried when they can't find you anywhere."

I nodded. "OK."

Jeff got a piece of paper and a pen and wrote the notice:

_Tom and Zoe:_

_Sam and Jeff are in here, both fine._

_The door is locked, but if you knock we will let you in._

He then turned to me. "Take a seat, Princess, and I'll just go and put this up. OK?"

"OK," I said, sitting down on the sofa. Jeff then went over to the door and wrote something else on the notice before he stuck it to the door:

_I think Sam's going to tell me something big, so can you try not to scare her when you find her._

This was something big alright: I was finally telling someone the truth about what had happened.

Jeff came and sat next to me on the sofa. "What's up, Princess?"

I took a deep breath. "Jeff, do you remember when you found me lying on the street with that knife?"

"Yes, I do," said Jeff, not really sure where this was going.

"And do you remember I told you I'd been stabbed by someone who took my phone?" I asked,

"Yes," said Jeff.

"Well, that wasn't the truth," I said.

"What was the truth?" asked Jeff gently, taking my hand.

I took another deep breath. "I stabbed myself," I said, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks.

Jeff looked at me, shocked. "Tell me you didn't..."

I nodded. "I tried to kill myself."

Suddenly everything became too much, and I began to scream. Jeff pulled me into a hug as I began to sob, holding my violently shaking body close.

"Shh, it's alright, Sam, it's OK, Princess," said Jeff as he held me. "No one's going to hurt you now, or make you do it again."

I clung to Jeff, as he was like the father I'd never really had (as all my dad had ever done was hurt me, well, that's all I could remember him ever doing). Jeff then began to rub my back, helping me to relax slightly.

Just then I heard a voice. "Sam?" Tom's voice.

"We're in here," Jeff explained. "I'll come and let you in..."

Jeff trailed off as I began to frantically shake my head.

"Why not?" Jeff asked softly.

"I don't want him in here, not yet," I said.

"OK," said Jeff. "Tom, she doesn't want you in here just yet."

"What?!" shouted Tom. "Why not?!"

I just shook my head. I just wanted to be with Jeff for a bit longer, and not have Tom listening to what I was saying to him, or what he said to me.

"She just doesn't," said Jeff, continuing to rub my back.

Tom then began to bang on the door, and it began to bring back other memories: those from war. My breathing began to speed up as all the horrible memories from my past began to merge together and magnify, until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Shh, Sam, try and take some deep breaths for me," said Jeff. I tried but it didn't work very well, as Tom was still hammering on the door.

"Tom, stop doing that!" shouted Jeff.

Tom stopped for a moment, and then called to me. "Why won't you let me in then, Sam?"

I tried to answer. "I... just... want... to... spend... some... time... ... some... ... time... ... time... ... with... ..."

"Sam, don't: it's not doing you any good," said Jeff. He then answered Tom himself. "She's having a panic attack because of all that banging, so just stop it and leave her alone!"

Unfortunately, this comment had the opposite effect to what Jeff had hoped. Instead of leaving me alone, Tom began to pound on the door harder, making me shrink further into Jeff every time he hit the door. I screamed quietly as the memories kept coming.

Jeff hugged me tighter. "Seriously Tom, stop, now!" he shouted. Tom continued to pound.

"TOM! STOP! NOW!" Jeff yelled. I flinched at the shouting, but I stayed in Jeff's arms.

Tom stopped pounding. "What's happened that you can tell Jeff but you can't tell me?" Tom asked. "I thought you trusted me."

"I... ... do... ..." I told Tom, my breathing still rapid.

"Then tell me what's wrong," said Tom.

I shook my head against Jeff's chest.

"Don't worry, Princess, I wasn't going to tell him anyway," he told me. "Tom, can you at least wait until this panic attack's over, you know, the one that you caused?"

Tom was about to punch the door again, but Zoe stopped him.

"Tom, don't do that: it'll only make things worse," she said.

Tom sighed but didn't begin to hit the door again.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes my breathing began to slow, and I began to relax into Jeff's arms.<p>

Jeff smiled at me. "Good girl, Princess."

I looked up at him and smiled back, my chest now rising and falling normally.

"Are you OK now?" he asked.

"Well, considering what I've told you, yeah, I'm OK, well, as OK as I could be," I replied.

"Good," said Jeff, smiling. He then looked to the door. "Can I let Tom and Zoe in now?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, and then watched the door nervously as Jeff went over to unlock it...

**A/N Yes, I know it's a cliffhanger, but there's already over 5,500 words of chapter, so I thought I'd stop! I'm going to be starting a new story called 'The Beginnings of a Special Gift', which is going to focus in the beginning of Sam's pregnancy (as I started this too late into it), so hopefully I'll have that up very soon. Please read and review! :-D**


	24. Reactions

**A/N I was thinking about this during my science lesson (instead of doing past papers for my exam :-S), so I thought I'd write it now instead of messing up my other lessons by thinking about it during those as well! Hope you enjoy it! :-D**

**Thanks to cooper1eddie2, waterlooroadfan2012 and Minxheart for reviewing! They made me really happy (especially after writing a chapter as depressing as that!)! :-D**

**Also, the prequel to this (The Beginnings of a Special Gift) is now up, so please go and read that as well! :-D**

As Tom came into the room I shrank back into the sofa, before Jeff came back over to me and wrapped his arms around me, making me relax. Tom then came and sat next to me but I shrank back into Jeff.

"Tom, just back off a bit, yeah," said Jeff, tightening his grip on me. "You can see she's scared."

Tom nodded, before sitting on the sofa further away from me. I smiled gratefully at Jeff and he smiled back.

"What's wrong?" Tom asked gently.

I looked up at Jeff, silently telling him that I wanted to tell Tom myself. Jeff nodded.

I then looked at Tom. "I-I-I, I-I-I..." I trailed off, unable to form the words.

"You what?" asked Tom, smiling reassuringly at me.

"I-I-I, I-I-I..." I trailed off, still unable to say it. I took a deep breath, looked down to the floor, and whispered. "I tried to kill myself."

Before I knew what was happening, Tom slapped me across the face. I screamed a loud, long scream.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Tom yelled.

I shrank back into Jeff even further, still screaming.

"ANSWER ME!" Tom yelled, slapping me across the face again.

Just then, Iain and Fletch ran in and held Tom back.

"Leave her alone!" they shouted at the same time, holding him away from me.

I stopped screaming and breathed a shaky sigh of relief, before Jeff wrapped his arms around me tighter.

"It's OK, Sam, it's OK," he said, beginning to rub my back again. I relaxed into his hold.

"Why?" asked Zoe.

I jumped: I'd forgotten she was in the room. "Why what?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" she asked gently.

I looked at Jeff, silently pleading him to tell her what had happened, so I could follow with the reason.

Jeff understood. "She was fifteen," he began. "I found her lying on the street, eight stab wounds in her stomach, lying in a pool of her own blood."

I then took over. "My dad abused me for years, I couldn't take it anymore."

I lifted the sleeve of my scrub top, and Zoe, Jeff, Fletch and Iain (all of who had been listening) gasped at all of the tiny white scars.

"I'm sorry," I said, my eyes filling with tears.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" asked Tom. Shit, I'd forgotten he was still in the room.

I merely shook my head: I couldn't say anymore.

"Why?!" Tom demanded.

I continued to shake my head.

"TELL ME!" Tom shouted. He broke free of Iain and Fletch's grasp, and ran towards me. I shrank back, but I couldn't get away from him. I closed my eyes and waited for the hit.

Only it didn't come. I cautiously opened my eyes and saw Tom stood in front of me, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Tom, crying? When did Tom cry? "Tom?" I asked cautiously.

Tom took his engagement off his finger, and handed it to me. "I'm sorry."

I took it, wondering what to do. "Tom, give me your hand."

Tom held his hand out, obviously wondering what I was going to do.

I held the ring, and then gently slid it onto his finger. "I forgive you."

Tom then came over to me, his arms out. He was about to wrap them around me when he stopped and stepped back from me.

"Sam?" he asked, his arms still open.

I nodded, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me towards him, away from Jeff...

"No!" I shouted. I wasn't angry, I was just scared. Jeff pulled me back, but I clung to Tom. They both seemed to sense what I wanted and both held me close, protecting me. I began to cling to Tom tightly, squeezing his body, forcing the air out of his lungs in my fear.

"Sam... can't... breathe..." said Tom, wheezing slightly.

"Please!" I said. I clung to him tighter.

"Please... Sam..." said Tom, struggling to breathe. He held out his hand. "Squeeze this as hard as you want."

I took his hand, crushing it.

"OW!" said Tom, trying to pull his hand away. I just squeezed it tighter, desperately trying to feel safe.

The room was then silent (not that anyone else had been speaking), until we all heard a slight cracking sound.

"Tom, was that...?" Zoe asked cautiously.

Tom nodded, and I squeezed his hand tighter. Zoe then came over to me.

"Sam, can you let go of Tom's hand?" she asked me.

I shook my head, squeezing it even tighter. Tom grimaced in pain.

"Sam..." said Zoe, trying to get my hand off Tom's.

"NO!" I shouted, pulling my (and Tom's) hand away from her.

"Sam, please," Zoe pleaded.

"No, I can't," I said, squeezing Tom's hand even tighter.

"Tom, you OK?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah, I'm OK, ow!" said Tom as I squeezed his hand tighter. "Sam, please, can you just get off my hand?"

I shook my head.

"Why?" asked Tom gently.

"Because then he'll get me," I said, squeezing his hand tighter.

"Who will get you?" asked Tom.

"My dad!" I shouted.

Suddenly there was a bang outside and I let out a loud scream and squeezed Tom's hand as tight as I could. Tom then screamed.

"Sam, I need you to let go now, OK?" Zoe demanded softly.

"No, no, please!" I said, keeping a tight hold of Tom's hand.

"Sam, please," Tom pleaded. "It really hurts."

"Please, Tom," I said. "I can't."

"Sam, now!" said Tom, getting more and more angry. He knew he shouldn't, but his hand was really hurting now, and he just wanted me to let go.

"N-N-No!" I said, still terrified of letting go of Tom.

"NOW!" Tom shouted. I immediately let go of his hand and shrank back into the corner, going back in time. When I was fifteen Dad would have hit me unconscious for doing something like that, so I closed my eyes and curled up small, trying to protect myself as best as I could. Evie then began to kick my stomach hard, so hard that it hurt, but I let her, as I deserved it after the pain I'd caused Tom.

"What are you doing?" asked Zoe, confused by my actions.

I didn't move, so if it was a trick to make me look up so Tom could hit me for what I'd done, I would still be prepared. "Protecting myself and Evie."

"From what?" Zoe asked.

"Tom," I said.

"What do you mean?" asked Zoe.

"Because of what I've done, he's going to punish me, so I'm protecting myself," I explained. "I've hurt him so he's going to hurt me back."

"I'm not," said Tom.

"Aren't you?" I asked.

"No, I'm not," said Tom. "Why would I do that?"

"B-B-Because D-D-Dad a-a-always d-d-did," I stuttered.

"Look at me," Tom said gently.

I looked up nervously, ready to put my head down if necessary.

"I'm not going to hurt you, OK?" said Tom, smiling reassuringly at me.

I smiled back, before I heard some music coming from outside the room. I got up and ran towards it, so I wouldn't miss the song.

"Sam?" asked Tom, following me.

I didn't answer, and carried on running towards the music.

"Where are you going?" asked Tom.

"To the song," I said. I carried on running towards the music, and saw Dixie cleaning the ambulance, a CD player on the ground, playing my favourite song. But when I got there, it was just finishing.

"No, please!" I said, tears forming in my eyes.

"Sam, it's a CD," Dixie explained, and immediately the tears vanished. "I'll put it back to the beginning, yeah?"

I nodded, and then sat down cross-legged on the ground and closed my eyes as Dixie put the song back to the beginning. I listened to the song, remembering the time me and Mum had sat in each other's arms on the floor, Mum singing to me after I'd just come back from hospital. One time we'd sung it together, well, more me actually as she'd had a sore throat, the day she got ill. The day I'd killed her. I felt tears in my eyes but didn't let them fall. I then began to think of the happy memories. Nights sitting chatting in my bedroom, her playing games with me, us going out for the day when Dad wasn't in, her hugging me when I was upset. Her hugs always calmed me, no matter how sad I was. She was always so understanding, so kind, so sensitive, so approachable, so comforting, so... So perfect, so perfect in every way possible. I wished she was still here now, but she was. She was in my heart, in my memories, in this song. Just then, the last two lines came on, and I sung them, just as I had every time since I had that first time I'd come out of hospital.

__It's enough to make kings and vagabonds_  
><em>Believe the very best<em>_

I held on the note before I broke it off. I then pressed the lid of the CD player and took the CD out, holding it to my chest, like it was the most precious thing in the world. Well, to me it was. "Can I keep it?" I asked nervously.

Dixie smiled at me. "Of course you can," she said. She then paused for a moment. "Actually, if you give me your phone, I'll put the track on there: there are some pretty awful tracks on there that Jeff loves, and he wouldn't like it if I gave them all to you."

I nodded and got my phone out of my pocket. I then turned it on. "I'm just going to change the code, so you can get into it, but if someone else gets it they won't be able to get into it," I explained. I quickly changed the code and handed the phone to Dixie. "The code is 'lionking'."

Dixie nodded before she put the phone in her pocket and then took the CD off me. "I'll go and do it now."

"Thanks," I said to Dixie, before she walked off. I then turned around and saw the others staring at me. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just, I don't think I've seen you that calm for a long time," admitted Tom. "Actually, I don't think I've _ever_ seen you that calm."

"My mum used to sing that to me all the time," I explained, and Tom nodded. "It always helped me relax, and it obviously still does. I haven't heard it for years though."

"Why not?" asked Tom.

"I lost the CD when I went to the army," I admitted. "I left it at home when I went to the army, then when I came back Dad had thrown it out."

"He sounds like he was horrible!" exclaimed Tom.

"_Is _horrible," I corrected. "He's still alive."

"Oh, is that why you were so upset just now and gripped my hand so tightly you broke it?" asked Tom.

"I broke your hand?!" I asked, shocked.

Tom nodded.

"I, I, I-I-I, I-I-I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry," I stuttered.

"Sam, it's OK, you were scared," said Tom.

I nodded. "I don't want him to come and get me."

Just then, Dixie came back with my phone and the CD.

"There you go," she said, handing it to me.

"Thanks," I said. I quickly changed the code back to what it had been before and then put the phone in my pocket.

"You're welcome," said Dixie. "I'm glad you like that song: Jeff never listens to it."

I smiled. "It's my favourite."

"Well, I'm glad I was able to cheer you up," said Dixie.

Zoe put her hand on my shoulder. "Sam, you need to get back to work now."

"OK," I said, even though I didn't want to. I walked towards the hospital and into the ED, where I got the shock of my life.

There were people everywhere, all trying to get into resus.

"Noel, what's going on?" I asked, just about managing to get to the reception desk.

"Um, Danny Jones is in there, and all the fans are trying to get in," he explained. Seeing my confused face, he added, "He's a member of McFly."

I nodded. "Should I try and clear them a bit?"

"OK," said Noel.

I tried to get into resus, but my path was blocked by the fans.

"Can you let me through please?" I asked.

The fans turned to me, and I immediately realised they were drunk, well most of them were anyway. They must have just been to a McFly concert.

"Can I get through please?" I asked again.

"If you weren't so fat you wouldn't have to ask!" one of them shouted.

In looked down at my bump, the place where I kept Evie safe. "I'm pregnant!"

Tom then came over. "What's going on?"

"They're saying I'm fat when I'm actually pregnant," I told Tom.

"She is pregnant, so let her through so she can treat Danny," said Tom.

"Of course she's fat!" said one of the fans. "Look at her!"

He prodded my bump, and I stepped back immediately.

"My baby's growing inside there!" I said.

"Course it is," said the fan.

"It is!" I said, getting more and more desperate.

"It's not!" said the fan. He then began to prod my stomach, as did others.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Just get off me!"

"If there's a baby in there, it'll move," one of them explained. "We're just waking it up."

The fans carried on poking, before one of them accidentally poked my bladder, hard. I closed my eyes as I felt a spurt of liquid.

"Sam?" asked Tom, seeing my eyes close.

"I need the toilet," I mumbled.

"Was that a bit just there?" Tom whispered. I nodded. He put his mouth to my ear. "Pretend to faint, then I can carry you."

I nodded, before I watched the fans continue to poke my stomach, trying to feel Evie kick so I could prove I was right. Suddenly I fell to the floor and closed my eyes.

"Whoa!" Tom shouted. He grabbed me and the lifted me up. I concentrated on holding my bladder whilst he carried me to the toilets.

"You can open your eyes now," he told me. I opened them and realised we were inside the disabled toilet.

"There you go," he said. He gently put me down and I walked over to the toilet. I was about to sit down when I realised Tom was still in the room.

"Tom, can you wait outside, please?" I asked.

Tom shook his head. "No, I'm staying here: I need to make sure you're OK."

"Please!" I pleaded. "I can't hold it much..."

I trailed off as yellow liquid came through my scrub trousers and dripped onto the floor. I then just stood there, closing my eyes as I did so.

"Sam, are you OK?" Tom asked, as he watched the liquid drip down between my legs.

"What does it look like?!" I snapped.

Tom then came over and took off my wet scrubs (both top and bottoms as my scrub top was too long and so had got wet) as well as my knickers, before he sat down away from the wet floor and pulled me onto his lap, me sitting just in my bra.

"Should I phone Fletch and ask him to get you some scrubs and some underwear?" Tom asked whilst he rubbed my cold back.

I nodded.

"OK," said Tom. He got his phone out of his pocket and dialled Fletch's number.

"Hello?" asked Fletch when he picked up.

"Hi Fletch, it's Tom," said Tom. "I was just wondering if you could do me a favour?"

"What is it?" asked Fletch.

"Um, could you get some scrubs and some underwear for Sam please?" asked Tom.

"Of course," said Fletch. "Where are you?"

"In the disabled toilet by cubicles," said Tom.

"OK," said Fletch. "I'll just go and get them."

"OK, thanks," said Tom.

"No problem," said Fletch. "I'll see you in a minute."

"OK, bye," said Tom.

"Bye," said Fletch, and he hung up.

I looked at him.

"He's bringing them now," he said, and I nodded.

"Is there any toilet roll?" I asked.

Tom handed me some, and I wiped my bottom with it before putting it in the bin.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"No, I'm the one who should be saying sorry," said Tom, shaking his head. "I should have left when you asked me to."

I shivered. "It's cold in here."

"Fletch will be here soon with the scrubs," said Tom, rubbing my body to keep me warm.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"It's me," called Fletch.

"OK," said Tom. He gently lifted me off him and the unlocked the door.

"There you go," said Fletch, handing Tom the scrubs.

"Thanks," said Tom, taking them. He then lowered his voice. "Um, could you get the cleaners to come and clean the toilet once Sam's dressed? There's quite a lot of urine on the floor."

"Did Sam...?" Fletch trailed off, not wanting to ask outright.

"Yes, she did," said Tom. "I'm going to talk to her about it when she's dressed."

"OK," said Fletch. "I'll just go and let the cleaners know."

"OK, thanks," said Tom, before he came back into the toilet and shut the door.

"I'll help you," he said.

I just nodded, not really wanting him to help me but not caring enough about anything to say so.

Tom slipped my knickers on, then my scrub top, then finally my scrub bottoms.

"You OK?" he asked gently. I didn't reply.

"Sam?" he asked. I still didn't reply.

"Sam, are you alright?" he asked.

"No," I replied eventually.

"Why not?" asked Tom.

"I'm just not," I said, walking out of the toilet. I saw Fletch smile at me sympathetically, but I didn't even acknowledge him. I just carried on walking, towards the on-call room, where I could fall asleep, listening to the song that I loved...

"My phone!" I shouted. I sprinted back to the toilet to find Tom gone, along with my scrubs.

"No!" I shouted, tears coming to my eyes. I needed that song, I needed it so much. I crumpled to the floor, unable to take it anymore...

"Hey, it's that doctor again!" someone, who sounded drunk, shouted. I'd forgotten they were still here.

One of them held something in his hand. "Look what dropped out of your pocket when you fainted."

I looked. It was my phone, and I then realised I'd forgotten to set the lock.

"Give it back!" I said.

"Nope, I've got a better idea," he said. "Why don't we see what's on it?"

I knew there wasn't anything that bad on my phone, nothing they could take the mick out of me for, except...

"Hey, look at her music selection!" the boy holding the phone said. "Let's play one!"

Suddenly they began to play 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight?'. I sat there for a second, before I went mad. I raced over to the fan and pounced on him, trying to get my phone back, or at least turn the song off. This was my song, Mum's song, _our_ song, and they couldn't just do this.

"Give it back!" I said, wrestling him for it.

"No!" shouted the fan.

"YES!" I shouted.

Suddenly the fan threw the phone to one of his friends. I got up and shoved the fan who now had the phone into the wall.

"Give it to me now!" I shouted.

"Or what?" asked the fan.

"Or this!" I said, kneeing him in the privates. He doubled over, but he managed to throw the phone. All the time the song was still playing, and I was getting madder by the second. I followed it around, kneeing everyone who had the phone in the privates, after I'd slammed them into the wall, so they wouldn't be able to get it again.

I was now down to the last one.

"Give me that, or I'll do what I did to all your friends," I threatened.

He threw the phone, and I went to grab it, but someone beat me to it. I looked up to see Zoe, who turned the music off and then put the phone in her pocket.

"Sam, my office. Now!" she said.

I looked up at her, wishing I didn't have to, but knowing I did. I slowly stood up (as the last fan had been on the floor with the phone) and walked to Zoe's office.

Zoe followed me, then unlocked the door and walked in. I followed her and shut the door.

"What the hell are you playing at?!" Zoe yelled. "There are about ten people out there on the floor because of you!"

"Do you really want to know?" I asked.

"Yes!" said Zoe.

"My mum died when I was eight, in a fire," I began. "We always used to sing that song together, and they were taking the mick out of me. They were making fun of me for my mum dying, and using that to hurt me, just like my dad!"

I then realised that Tom head walked in and listened to what I'd just said. I tried to bolt but Tom caught me.

"Shh, it's OK, you're OK," he said, pulling me into a hug.

Zoe stood there for a moment, shocked, before she found her voice. "I won't punish you for it then."

"Thanks," I said, burying my head into Tom's chest.

"Do you want to sit down?" Tom asked softly.

I nodded. "But on the floor, not the sofa."

"OK," said Tom, before he gently lowered us both to the floor, still hugging each other tightly.

Zoe then took my phone out I of her pocket and handed it to me. "I'm sorry, I should never have taken it."

"It's OK," I said. I quickly activated the phone lock and then put the phone in my pocket, before I took it out again. "Can I play the song?"

"I thought you didn't like it anymore," said Zoe, confused.

I shook my head. "I still love the song, but I hated what they were doing with it," I explained. "Can I play it?"

Zoe nodded. "Of course."

"Thanks," I said. I turned on my phone, unlocked it, got up the music player and found the song. I put the phone down on the floor and pressed 'Play'...

The first note of the song came on, and I relaxed into Tom's embrace completely, suddenly realising how tired my body was. Tom hugged me tight, letting me rest my head on his chest. I listened closely to the words of the song, remembering when Mum used to sing them to me. I hugged Tom tighter, and he began to gently rock me back and forth. I looked up at him, our eyes locking as the introduction came on for a second time. After a few seconds my eyes began to close.

"Go to sleep," Tom whispered to me.

I shook my head, I wasn't going to sleep before the song finished; I was going to listen to the whole of it. I did, however, rest my head on Tom's chest as I listened to the rest of the song. When the last two lines came on, I opened my mouth and sang them, just as I always did.

__It's enough to make kings and vagabonds_  
><em>Believe the very best<em>_

After I had sung the two lines, I listened to the last note, before I closed my eyes and fell asleep...

* * *

><p>Normal POV<p>

Tom felt Sam go limp in his arms and looked down to see her eyes closed. "She's asleep," he told Zoe.

Zoe smiled. "Tom, take her to the on-call room and stay with her for a bit: she deserves a break."

Tom nodded. "Thanks." He gently lifted Sam up, her limp head resting on his chest. He then walked out of the room (whilst Zoe held the door open for him), and then went into the on-call room and laid Sam down on the bed. He then sat down on the chair next to her and held her hand as she slept.

Just then Zoe walked past the door. She smiled as she saw Sam and Tom, and then left to go and get on with her job.

**A/N Wow, that was a bit, I don't even know the word for it! It was a bit weird and emotional I will admit! I promise it will get a lot happier very soon though (one hint is that they're still engaged...! XD)! Hope you enjoyed it anyway! Please R&R! :-D**

**Also, (another 'do you know this because I want to find it?' things), does anyone know the name of the song on the 'Casualty' autumn 2013 preview clip? I love the song but don't know what it's called! If anyone does please review or PM me the answer! :-D**


	25. Author's Note

**Just thought I'd do a quick note on this story to say why I haven't updated (as I think that everyone reading my other stories also reads this one so everyone should be covered). I've got a lot (and I mean A LOT) of things going on in my life at the moment, and I'm quite stressed, meaning writing has been pushed to the back of my mind. Hopefully it'll pass soon (although at this rate it doesn't look promising), and I'll try and update asap. So yeah, sorry for lack of updates, but I will work hard and write lots when everything's settled down a bit. :-)**


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